It Takes A Village

[Silver.]

Do people in general ascribe to the "it takes a village" when it comes to children?
(just been running through my mind lately and I am curious, I live in a small town of 3k people, so I guess that's why I personally ascribe to the theory that "it takes a village")

There have been a few times recently where I felt the need to step in when a child (or children) were acting up, so to speak, and their parent was either distracted or not around.
The grocery store a few weeks back. Two children were throwing food in the aisle. I told them they were ruining the food for the other customers and to please stop. They ran off and got their mother, who didn't seem to happy I spoke to her children. When I asked her if she wanted to get home to open half her groceries and see they were broken because of other children throwing around the food, she stormed off. Okay, she wasn't that receptive, but I felt I made my point as the kids stuck with her throughout the rest of the store.
Often times, if I am at the playground with mm, I will help another child, or tell one child to stop such and such, and the parents always seem receptive there. (maybe because a playground is for socializing our children eh? and we are all there for the same purpose)
Is this something that you would do?
Are you okay with speaking to someone else's child if their parent isn't present or distracted?
Are you okay if someone were to speak to your child on your behalf if you weren't present of distracted?

 

[Lotis]

Are you okay with speaking to someone else's child if their parent isn't present or distracted?
Are you okay if someone were to speak to your child on your behalf if you weren't present of distracted?

I have interjected many a times - at the playground while my little one is playing I have told children to stop bullying or call to order the mess that is happening on the slide because one kid wants to climb up and stop the rest of the kids from going down. There was a time when my little one was waiting online for a ride at a carnival and three kids with their parents standing right there shoved my kid aside and went right in front of her. I said to the three kids excuse me we are waiting online and you need to wait your turn. Their mother heard me and half-halfheartedly told her kids to wait behind us. Of course the kids did not listen and when the ride operator started to open the gate these 3 kids began to push in front. I interjected and placed my arm in front of the first child blocking the path and saying you need to wait your turn it is not nice to push others and cut the line. The boy looked at me as if shocked I had said something but stepped back - I looked up at the parents who were now bullshitting on the side not even paying attention to the kids. I turned to the boy and said everyone will get a turn and moved through to get my child on the ride. Then there are small examples such as kids running by the pool and telling them to slow down in fear that they will get hurt. I have never had a parent look at me in horror as if to say "how dare you". For the most part other parents or grandparents have been thankful or are not present to say anything.
I am okay with speaking to another child if I see they are doing something wrong/bad or if they are in danger of being hurt or hurting my child.

I also am okay with someone saying something to my child (that has not happened yet). I am very vigilant when it comes to my child who is polite, knows playground etiquette and does not bully. I also never take my eyes off of her just because of my past experiences. I would hope that if my child is doing something that could be harmful and I am not there that another parent would intervene.

I ascribe to the theory that it does take a village. As a parent I have only so much control and influence. That goes away once my child is at school or at the playground with another adult. It is then that I hope other competent people can guide my child to do the right thing, be safe and succeed.
L

 

[Silver.]

@Lotis thank you for your input. It's nice to hear other parents that do this. You so often hear of unwatchful parents, the ones addicted to their phones, or parents encouraging their kids to be bullies, it's nice to hear about the parents that want to band together, for the good of our children. Thank you x

 

[Friday]

One of my favorite homeschooling shirts, ever: :sneaky:

I have seen the village. I don't want it raising my child!

My answer is calmly sitting on the fence post swinging its legs; being both yes and no. In short, it depends.

Longer? On who the people are, what they're doing, and why. To the point that if I don't agree with the person interfering with my -or other people's- children that I have physically assaulted them. Seriously physically assaulted them. One of the reasons I love Rome? You can send your kids to play soccer in the street, and should anyone mess with them? Pedestrian or vehicle, every shop keeper, waitress, as well as half of the passersby, and any local resident who is keeping half an ear or one eye out, will come boiling out of their place of business, redirect their walk, pop out of the damn woodwork to come to the kids aid. Che cazzo! Che cazzo! The f*ck do you think you are doing???

I was raised in a collectivist culture (not Italy, not roman, although I really f*cking love Rome). So on the one hand, yes. Very strongly believe in child centric everyone looks out for everyone else. On the other hand? No. Just because kids are kids does not mean they should fall prey to every single busybody, pedophile, recruiting gang, mental moron with an axe to grind, or well intentioned idiot who happens to be an adult with an agenda about what other people's kids "should" be doing. Shrug. So it very much depends on who the village is, and what they want. ;)

America is a strange place to raise kids in.

 

[Silver.]

@FridayJones yes! I like how you described it! I think for me, (because I agree with you about America), I am nestled in cozy, in my town of 3k, and feel that it is the right village. Certainly, it really does depend on the village. Thank you x

 

[sugnim]

In my experience, parents are mostly receptive to other parents helping their child. Of course, there are some very awful parents out there who do not care about their child's well-being and may fight well-intentioned help. And then there are some awful parents out there who might think they are helping, but are in fact being a bad influence.

I will often offer to help other kids at the park with things like reaching the water fountain, getting on or off of equipment that may be too high for them etc. I typically avoid disciplining other kids unless they are doing something that is truly dangerous or harmful.

For the examples that you cited, my guess would be that parents who take their kids to the park are more engaged and want their children to learn socially acceptable ways to interact. Parents who would let their kids run around the grocery store unsupervised are probably not very engaged with their children. In fact, growing up, I was one of those kids at the grocery store. My parents really didn't care what I was doing as long as they had their booze and I was not near them. If you spoke to those kids respectfully and with kind intent to help them understand how their behavior could affect others, then rest assured that you may have actually left an impression upon them, even if it is not something they may realize at the time.