Its All About Choices

[Recovery4Me]

@intothelight ...when you do "chose" to share...you make a whooping grand entrance with your personal story as well as content .:tup::notworthy: Bravo!

*May I snag your list and place it in my diary? @joeylittle I would like to add your educational tag into the list too, if I may borrow it.

The seasoned staff as well as members have greatly assisted in guidance for responsible direction in my recovery. When I limped into our forum, my therapy still left me with a lot to be desired for questions within practical application. It was hit or miss for many years.

The toolbox of resources at this site offered some beautiful plug-in fixes to the gaps in my daily application. So even though my circumstances have remained relatively the same, my skill set increased with the supportive member interaction as well as their personal shares. Knowledge, empathy offered with the heart-walked journey-priceless resources! My gratitude + praise is immense for the passion of everyone's teamwork and dedication of time.

Of course there is our own Wreck-it Ralph(Anthony) to keep us in check with veering too far off course :clown: as well as a Princess to help us in need (Nicolette), so this site was a Godsend of a toolkit!

I also believe that I see this site as a gift, that if not sustained by financial assistance or other concerns...may not be here until the end of time. Because, I do not take my PTSD site for granted, I am trying harder to embrace this opportunity to grow in this season, with the inherited belief system that as I learn from our resources (members, post, ect), I will be hopefully better within myself and for perhaps someone else whom may be isolated suffering with PTSD.

I want to thank you publicly intothelight :tup:for the shares that you have offered so authentically that assisted in my own acceptance of my circumstances. I am now making those choices, day by day to live as fully as possible within a balanced life ;)within disease & PTSD.

It may be darn hard at times but it is better among you all. Thanks to each of you that make this possible.

 

[Intrepid]

Sometimes I have wondered if it is based on an individual's trauma response. I wonder what part fight, flight or freeze play into this.

For me the lack of choice was very much about fight, flight AND freeze. I got to a point where these normal defenses no longer served to protect me. They seemed to increase the trauma. (That's no true, of course. The one torturing me increased the trauma, in order to override these defenses). Without being able to experience these defenses and have them responded to in a healthy way, choice didn't matter.

And none of this response to trauma happened as part of a reasoning process. It happened automatically.

The process of recovery has not been automatic. It has been deliberate. I've had to let myself have the normal experiences that bring about having fight, flight or freeze defenses activated, I've had to accept the defenses as normal, and I've had to map what it's like to experience these defenses under conditions other than torture.

If you are comfortable

Thanks. I'm really uncomfortable being this specific. But that's what I need to do.

 

[Little Flower]

:hug: Intrepid. Comfort sent your way

 

[Recovery4Me]

is that "choices" is plural and it isn't just one "choice" that leads to recovery, but a series that can make things better

In that vein of thought-
I have been reading about choices from a book I purchased to do a little growth, hopefully in empathy and understanding social constructs. A delightful chapter dedicated some space to the concept of a seemingly irrelevant decision,or SID. Choices...

"SID is a decision or choice that may appear unimportant or insignificant on the surface but actually increases the likelihood that the person making it will be placed in a high-risk situation that can cause a relapse into his or her former behavior." The SocioPath at the Breakfast Table - Dr. Jane McGregor

I had often made poor choices when I was younger trying to cope with PTSD during early recovery. That just "one drink to relax" attitude was an prime example during my party-fall-down days.

Sometimes it is easy to spot that rock solid smarter choice, sometimes not. However, it is worthy of a short post that our choices can make or break us during recovery.

Beware of those SID moments.:cautious::clown:

 

[Little Flower]

Totally agree. But if we break we can mend if we ask for help.

 

[sun seeker]

I was going to go away and not say anything about this post, but I'm going to make a stab at contributing to the discussion.

1) Seek treatment for severe psychological disorders that impede basic daily functioning (eg. severe depression, agoraphobia, etc.)
2. Seek treatment for addictions/substance abuse as these will impede recovery.
3. Address physical issues and get those managed as pain can wear a person down mentally and not feeling well only seems to exacerbate symptoms.
4. Follow a balanced diet, hydrate, exercise and get enough sleep.
5. Reduce stress and learn the tools necessary to manage symptoms.
6. Process the trauma
7. Learn about yourself and find what works for you to keep you stable and living your life to the fullest.

I agree that all of these are important for recovery.

I agree that we make choices about whether to keep working on ourselves or give up.

It disturbs me however, if we cross the line into assuming that if someone is not doing one or more of these things, they are "wallowing in self pity." Ouch.

What if one or more of these necessary items is not available no matter how hard a person tries? A few examples: no arguments about how important it is to follow a balanced diet, but suppose a person is homeless and hungry. Any kind of a diet is better than none. Or sleep: absolutely, good sleep is crucial, but what about a person whose trauma manifests as chronic insomnia, and who has sought treatment for it to no avail? Or the first item on the list: what if a person has sincerely sought such treatment and it is not available? Trauma therapy is not widely available and often expensive. Some people don't have that option much as they want it.

My experience is of a kind of trauma so complex and ingrained that it is extremely difficult to treat adequately. I'm not saying impossible, nor am I saying worse than other people's. Just not easy. Over many years trying to heal myself has basically been my career, and that involves more of those choices than I can count. And yet, I have not been very successful. I just keep trying, failing, getting up and trying something else. Maybe there is a magic bullet I have not found yet, or maybe it's cumulative (five hundred thousandth time lucky?) or maybe it will be a lifelong struggle. It's been hard watching people around me find something that helps them and urge me to try it too, and I try that thing and it doesn't help me. I've been accused of all kinds of hurtful things that add to the problem.

My point is it's important to have compassion. Yes, we make choices, to some extent. If you have a cheeseburger and a plate of fruit in front of you and you choose the cheeseburger and not the fruit, okay, you made that choice. But say you have severe insomnia and have tried a sleep clinic and psychotherapy and nutritional therapy and several different medications and guided meditation and herbs and acupuncture and massage and twenty other things and you still have severe insomnia that is affecting your ability to cope with life, it wasn't because you didn't make the right choices. It's just harder for some people than others.

I have struggled with depression most of my life. Is it my choice that I haven't healed yet? When I look at the amount of work I have put into my healing, there is no way I can think this. Yet some people in my life have implied that it is, and I find that implication gives me one more thing I have to work to heal from. They add to the sense of being fundamentally flawed. I would like to feel that I don't have to watch what I post lest it be thought "too negative." Sometimes I feel the need to be able to say how bad it is and just be heard. A lot of the time that's more helpful than any advice.

Recently I re-watched Robin Williams in the movie "What Dreams May Come." Besides the set and the acting, I love the message of this film. He and his wife are soul mates. Their children die, then he dies, and she ends up committing suicide. He demands a chance to get her back from hell, which is really a hell in her own mind. He finds her and tries one thing after another to get her attention and cheer her up. It is only when he joins her without trying to change her that she is released and the two of them rise back up into heaven.

Could we redefine it this way: what we do is a choice. The results of what we do are not a choice.

 

[Little Flower]

That's a beautiful movie. I haven't had the courage to watch it since his death but the message is written I my heart. The family unit. The imperfections we all have. The bond of a a couple after a tragic loss. After that my heart can't bear the all encompassing love that is relentless and victorious. The first time i saw it I resized the love and devotion they had was so faaaaasssr from what I had
I cried myself into a hospital visit for a migraine brought on by hysteria. It rang so true. I now have a love that's forgiving and understanding. With it I would be in a bad way. Thank u bf. for your unconditional love
I believe it was a turning point in my relationship with a verbal / emotionally abusive spouse. Hurray
for What Dreams May Come. Hurray for Shakespeare's influence. They paid it forward

 

[intothelight]

May I snag your list and place it in my diary?

Yes, it is always alright to copy something from a less private area, but not vice versa. This is basically public.

@Intrepid Thank you.

t disturbs me however, if we cross the line into assuming that if someone is not doing one or more of these things, they are "wallowing in self pity." Ouch.

Honestly, no one should judge another as we don't live inside their head. The list is a accumulation of things I have observed that are common to those who have experienced significant recovery and even then, it isn't a guarantee. That is why I was looking for other input. Whether or not someone does or not do these things then that is entirely their business. Hey, I have suffered from chronic insomnia for years, but now my chemo drug kicks my butt and I can sleep. However, that is unique to me and I wouldn't recommend that course of medication to anyone.

Could we redefine it this way: what we do is a choice. The results of what we do are not a choice.

That is excellent. Some choices work out and others don't, but I believe it is in the trying, the sharing, the support and the encouragement that all can find some measure of healing.

 

[Little Flower]

;) How inspirational. I like it

 

[Chava]

I've made lots of healthy choices, but it doesn't fix everything because I can't control everything. I still have pain and waver between whether or not I should work on pain tolerance (I can't stand it when it's unpredictable or stabbing) or try another option. All options have side effects. But yes, pain corresponds well with my meltdowns.

Also, I've tried different forms of therapy and the one I settled on (and I like my therapist too) might not be covered by my new insurance. So then my choice might be to cover my living bills and go without because I've gone without therapy. The CBT and talk stuff available in my network made me feel more like a loose screw. I researched and felt really good about this therapy choice. I'll talk to someone at the insurance company when I feel like I can tolerate the stress if it's not good news. I can't today. So I do lots of navigating what amount of overload or stress I can manage without tipping me into meltdown. No meltdown yet. Just managing the pain stuff.

As for fight-flight-freeze responses, I've felt all of it...but most of my major traumas were in early childhood and sometimes I am probably back in a freeze without knowing it. Part of my adult brain KNOWS I could go for a walk, but I can't even access that. I feel totally immobilized. In that state, choices don't help me as much as being able to recognize what is going on...that past and present are badly glued together. IF I can recognize that, I realize I can go for a walk...and cut loose of some of that immobilized-freeze crap.

I'm not pissed off at this thread because I have had to learn more options, and that I do have choices, but it helps me more to think of building "resources" because I did not have choices without them. Who wants to cut up their leg or drink a pint of vodka? But if it's the only sure thing, we make a choice to "survive". So I feel like "choices" are used a little simplistically, though I understand it. I'm just surprised how few therapists or sufferers get clued in on building resources...and those are often quite individual and can take support to recognize and sometimes to utilize.

 

[risingsun]

I like your thread. Two weeks after a major trauma, I went to a support group and it seemed like people were there for 20+ years. I did not want to become one who is defined by my past nor one who lives there. I never went back.

However, eleven years later I find myself still feeling frightened and living a fear-based reality, although not as much. I try to live in the present and know that everything will be okay. But my dreams bring me to the past. Mostly, though, my dreams warp my present reality into nightmares. And I wake up feeling frightened each morning. That part is hard to control. Although, after a few hours upon waking, I manage to calm myself down. For that, I just have to know that it will eventually go away. I have to keep the faith.

Presently, I don't drink my problems away as I did at the beginning. I try to be mindful in the way that I react to things. I'm not giving in to urges to SI as much as I want to. I try to give myself a break, but my mind feels guilty about everything and as much as I try to control it, I feel like my mind attacks me far too often. I suppose I need to stop letting my mind run my life and do anything I can to take my mind off of fear and on to life.

Its hard when your trauma has been compounded by other traumas over the years. Its hard when you're weary. But at the same time, I know that I must keep pressing forward, not letting my history determine my destiny.

I do know, though, that I will be free of all of this stress at one point and I will recover completely. In the meantime, it sure has been helpful to talk with others on the forum and to know that I am not alone. Warmest, Rising Sun.

 

[RussH]

@intothelight This is an excellent post, and very well stated. I agree that our healing is, in part, determined by the choices we make. And it is especially imnportant that we make good choices.