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How to accurately assess your life choices if you're often depressed?

triptych

Learning
I've been experiencing some of my worst depression in a few years recently. I feel pretty hopeless and like things will never get better.

I have a great partner and a pretty good job and on paper my life is good but I still feel terrible all the time and my PTSD symptoms make it really difficult to stay present or enjoy going out and doing things. I guess I feel confused because over the past few years I've come to understand that my suicidal feelings came from things that had happened to me, but if those things are over and my life is more stable why do I still feel this way?

I'm worried I've gone down the wrong track in my life and that something with my job/relationship/friendships is seriously wrong for me to feel this way. I am working on my symptoms with a therapist but I just feel like I never feel any sparks of joy in my day-to-day as it is right now that can help make me feel like life is more worth living. I always fantasise about making big changes to my life- like moving countries or changing careers- but I don't know if that would actually make me feel better.

I feel as if no matter where I go or what I do I have the same depressed feelings and they stop me from being able to accurately assess if my life choices are the right one's for me.

Any advice very much appreciated!
 
I always fantasise about making big changes to my life- like moving countries or changing careers- but I don't know if that would actually make me feel better.
I can very much relate to the fantasies— powerful distractions!
but if those things are over and my life is more stable why do I still feel this way?
Usually because you haven’t yet processed fully your feelings and thoughts regarding it.

Your T is probably working on you becoming aware of your mindset and developing coping skills because it’s difficult to impossible to face the grief without the tools to care for yourself afterwards.
 
Hello @triptych 👋. are you on meds?
I used to make big life decisions/changes when I was in crisis/depression and it was usually regrettable.
Hello! I am not on any medication anymore, it didn't work well for me at the time, but maybe I should look into it again.

I'm sorry for the regrettable decisions, I hope it all worked out.

Maybe part of the problem is that making big life decisions that seemed irrational kind of saved my life (moving far far away from my family, for example) so maybe I look towards that to solve my problems rather than focusing on therapy etc.
 
It’s difficult to impossible to face the grief without the tools to care for yourself afterwards.
I do think this is very true. Thank you for your response.

I guess in some ways novelty has been a thing I've used to self soothe or regulate my feelings and I feel kind of 'dead inside' without it. Like if I don't believe there is some kind of escape what is the point.
 
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