Its been a bad trip for 7 months

[BlueAquarius]

I have had depression/anxiety for as long as I can remember. Last year I flew from America to Japan for my husbands work. I brought our son (he is 18 months) with us and I think this whole thing was a bad idea. Moving here, i quit therapy till i got back and I agreed to moving to get away from toxic family members who live in my neighborhood. For the most part I try to distant myself from them, but currently we are renting from them and this trip means we can get away, while also making enough money to move. I've been struggling regardless, not surprisingly I had ppd after my son was born which is why I went back to therapy and being here I am functioning, but really depressed. I went into a really dark place here and it doesnt help that my triggers are here (childhood sexual assault from a family member happened in the area I'm at). I worked through with my therapist about this and she did help me mentally prepare myself. What I didn't consider is the isolation I would be in and I think that's really the contributing factor of why I went into a deep depression. I thought I was alone when I went into motherhood while my friends were single and husband went back to work, but here I am completely alone. I have no one to talk to as there are language barriers and other Americans I know would rather hang out at the bar. To some I look Asian and even some locals here think I'm Japanese, but I have a facial piercing and I get looks, some is curiosity and some is disgust. I have a week till I go home and that's good. Sorry for the rant, I'm just having a shitty day and thanks for reading this.

 

[bellbird]

No need to apologise; sometimes a good rant is just what we need in a particular moment.
Feeling alone is awful.
I know it has nothing on real-life presence, but this virtual-bellbird is thinking of you, and thinking how strong you are.
I hope you're able to have a better day tomorrow. Sending you gentle hugs, if accepted.
We're always here for you :)

 

[BlueAquarius]

No need to apologise; sometimes a good rant is just what we need in a particular moment.
Feeling alon...

Thank you!

 

[Mach123]

Hi, my son is in the Army serving in S Korea. I am sure he is experiencing much of what you describe. We grew up church people and had severely handicapped kids (now adults) in our home which isolated us even further. He dosen't talk much but I know to fit in with the the other "brave men and women" he's serving with, he's not hanging out in churches. I have cPTSD from CSA and yes, it's lonely even here, where I've pretty much always been.

 

[BlueAquarius]

Hi, my son is in the Army serving in S Korea. I am sure he is experiencing much of what you describe....

Growing up I lived in a same situation, my parents had a family home, so I can understand that too. We would take them out to amusement parks/vacations and pretty much anywhere we could. They became apart of our family and encouraged them to go out to programs that held dances/art what have you, but sometimes going out meant looks and rude comments. Some of them didn't notice and some of them were really hurt by it. I understood that kids are immature, but was still ticked off by it. It's worse when its adults, they should know better.