It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To

[shimmerz]

Every year I have cried on my birthday since I can remember. I am 52 now. Today again, I am crying. Triggered by a call wishing me happy birthday (so please don't if you reply to this post wish me a happy birthday or try to get me uplifted). I have changed the date of my birthday to June 21st for the people who know me. This is the first year I am rejecting all calls. I have told people for three years that this is NOT a good day for me and I need to remove myself from THIS day.

I don't even know what I am trying to say here but silent tears just keep on falling and I can't stop them. Wish I knew why.

 

[Lucycat]

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/trauma-anniversaries-fact-vs-myth.13881/

Hi @shimmerz . Just before reading your post I was reading this 'old' thread. I just thought perhaps you would find it helpful?

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I know this isn't even remotely helpful for you, but now that song is stuck in my head on a loop! Just take it as easy as you can and do anything you can think of to help (like unplugging the phone or ice-cream and really loud music. Or silence and hiding in a dark place, anything you like), its your choice what you do, what or how you celebrate and who with.

I am so lucky not to have anniversary triggers. But if I did the day of my birth, the day that cemented my existence through all the abuse and if I had have been abused on that day as well, would make me hate fear and despise every meaning of the word. Your birthday is supposed to be your special day and somehow being abused then (or other special occasions) takes even more than normal somehow, I think. I'm very sorry. Safe hugs if wanted.

 

[shimmerz]

@Kas_Can_Fly so sorry to have triggered that response in you. Your words were so kind and very helpful. I didn't read them until today as I went completely over the edge yesterday. Hugs are always appreciated ty so much. :-)

@Lucycat your link on your post was very helpful as well. I read through what I could but just wasn't retaining so well. The comfort it gave me was not in the words but that it was not just me who experienced these feelings.

As it turns out I ran. Luckily my shaman healer who is also a friend caught me. It was a hell of a day and as luck will have it I may get a shot next year to work on this problem again with a better outcome. I thank you both for taking the time to post. It meant a whole lot to me as I was completely spun out.

Love and Light
Shimmerz

 

[purple_glow]

Hello

I feel your pain too as I was abused on my birthday and Christmas day too. It is so unbelievably selfish of these people to give us bad memories on significant dates. Well being abused is bad enough. My therapist told me I need to rewrite history and create some positive memories because if I don't then I'm allowing him to ruin my birthday and Christmas every year. Much easier said than done though. Glad you got through it and that's such a great idea to give yourself a new birthday in the summer. XXX

 

[EverOnly358]

@shimmerz,

I have problems on my birthday, too. Too many memories. This year, for my 40th birthday, I told people to pretend like it wasn't even happening. That was better, even though I had a little bit of resentment when a couple people didn't send me birthday wishes (even though I told them not to... ridiculous of me, I know ;)). Holidays and anniversaries can be really difficult days, very triggering. I like how you moved your birthday. That's a good idea. I've done that before with holidays, and it's worked out pretty well.

Hang in there,
EverOnly