It's Not My Fault Anymore

[joeylittle]

New Hey how about stop posting on my threads...Mods close the threads.

Doesn't work that way.

If you don't want to read a poster, use the Ignore function and you will not see their posts.

You'll find information on how to use the ignore function here.

If you don't want responses except very specific supportive ones, post in your diary.

We don't close threads just because they provide feedback the OP doesn't want to hear. Sometimes supporting includes questioning and even challenging. That's a big part of what goes on here.

Whether you like to hear it or not - you are in large part blaming your ex for your own reactions. Now, if she was abusing you, and you lacked the resources to get away, that's one thing. Im not sure what you mean when you say she 'used her body to flatter other men', but on the surface of it, it kind of sounds like turning her totally into the bad guy so you can be the good guy, if that makes sense. And that's not going to get you very far in terms of healing or evolving so your next relationship can be better.

 

[shimmerz]

@sonicwhite, I really like you. I feel for you. I think you are stewing about this stuff because you don't know what to do with it, and then when it gets too much you post in an overwhelmed way. A diary is a really good way of alleviating the overwhelm in small bits, getting some perspective on it before it starts to 'own' you.

The idea with healing is to stop allowing things in your past (or present reactions) to own you and to take your power back. I recognize that there must be so much more to this story than you are able to put across and that is possibly why you are getting the reaction here that you are.

It sounds to me like you felt super betrayed by this woman. There is such a thing as betrayal trauma. And if you were in a in a mentally vulnerable condition at the time, the negative imprint would have been larger yet, I imagine.

It seems to me, from reading what I have read of your postings that you most likely have an improper attachment to this woman. Attachments can be worked on. I actually visualize attachments to people that make my brain go spinny, see where they are hooked in me, and picture removing the hook. It isn't for everyone, this method, but perhaps looking up attachment issues wouldn't be a bad plan for you.

Really, your aim here is to come to peace, my friend. Living with the anger of changing an outcome that cannot be changed will eat you alive. And my wish for you is to have peace from this.

Please know that the posts, above, are not an attack on you. It, if I may speak for others, is a way of showing you that you have conflicting ideas and issues that reside inside of you. And we need to get to the conflicts before we can heal. I do really encourage you to write in your diary. Even just one sentence a day, a few times a week......

Much love
Much light
Shimmerz