It's Officially My Birthday - How Do I Get Through This?!

[liv]

I'm sorry if this isn't in the right forum!

Today is supposed to be a happy day, right? It's not that I have unrealistic expectations, but these past few weeks I've had the worst flashbacks of my life. I've been struggling to be in public more than ever, and have panic attacks walking down the street.

I'm down, broke, without cigarettes (I know - dirty habit!), and I suppose pretty negative!

Anybody else struggled to get through big days? Everybody expects me to be joyful, it seems.

Just wondering what others have found to work on especially triggering days: meditation, mindfulness, distractions?

Hopefully this isn't too self-pitying. Thanks in advance to all!

Liv

 

[nomedic1]

I don't like birthdays and Christmas ,I just can't get there emotionally.

 

[LuckyStars]

Happy birthday. I realize that you aren't all that happy at the moment. But that shouldn't stop anyone from wishing it to and for you.

 

[Red Feather]

Hey its my birthday too today. I think it is a real blow to be alone on your birthday. I made sure to ask a friend if she wants to go the movies with me today. I just thought I should avoid staying at home thinking about death.... which is what I often do otherwise... Try to do something just for you. I know it might be hard... but this is your day. And meet with someone, tell them its your birthday and that you want to do something special. Or maybe you already have something else planned. Try to focus on the things that you appreciate. Or maybe there is something out there, a gift you can make for yourself.

 

[Flyaway]

I struggle with birthdays... It just reminds me of how unloved I am by my fam- the people I never should have had to question re: safety and love. Maybe you can just celebrate a happy un-birthday when things are going a little better for you... Maybe the day you started actively moving on from the abuse could be your new birthday.

 

[heidi]

Hi there. Happy Birthday!!!!

I think a lot of people have a hard time with birthdays. It can be a cause for self inventory and also they can be lonely time for a lot of people. Of course a lot of people don't also suffer from being flooded by flashbacks the same week of so that's especially rough. I actually like the passage of time because it's one year closer to death but maybe that's morbid. Maybe nachos would help? I usually try to think of something acceptable to do for the day to occupy and keep sadness at bay but sometimes it's still really tough. I've started to make avoidance of all holidays an art form. I still feel like I should advise you to make yourself cupcakes with sprinkles.

 

[liv]

You're all amazing. I appreciate this so much.

I'm sad, but every single post here has given me some hope, and humour :)

Thank you all for the wishes and advice. Happy birthday Nadia! Enjoy your movie!

 

[EverOnly358]

Happy Birthday, Liv! and Nadia, too!

I struggle with all holidays, not just my birthday. What I've done to help is to try and do celebratory things before or after the actual day. Go out for birthday dinners on the weekend before or after, do fun Christmas things like baking cookies and decorating the tree well before Christmas, make special meals for family members birthdays during the month of their birthday, not the actual day. On the actual day I just try to relax and not do too much of anything and then it's easier to stay calm. On my last birthday, I told everyone to pretend it wasn't happening. It worked out okay, but I did sort of wish someone had given me a little gift or something anyways. But even with that disappointment (my own fault) it was better than the big production and all the stress that comes with that.

 

[EverOnly358]

Also, remember it's your day. Do what you want. If you want to sit in bed, eat junk food and watch a movie, then just do that. It's not your job to entertain other people on your birthday. Do things that feel good and are fun for YOU! Have a great day!!!

 

[therisa]

Happy birthday, Liv and Nadia. Myself, my birthday is an anniversary date of my Opa's death, which occurred on my 14th birthday. I don't really celebrate it or make a big show out of it. But I find the anniversary of my dad's death, in November and the several of the other holidays, are triggers for depression and very active SI thoughts for me, as I isolate myself, during those days.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Happy belated Birthday, You deserve all kinds of good things to happen to you. I wish you well. I hope that you will be able to overcome this phobia. It takes baby steps and practice and I know you will have years to practice.

Everyone said such wonderful things, I do not have anything to add. Please take care of yourself on your birthdays. I am so glad you were born.

 

[EverOnly358]

I am so glad you were born.

Gizmo, that's such a nice thing to say, it made me cry!