Hello my name is Richard I'm 38 and would like to introduce myself by probably ranting on about the last 3 months off my life here goes deep breath .
It was getting near to Christmas a time I dread as I have alcohol abuse issues, so as is typical of me I found myself embarking on a massive drinking binge from morning till night for I guess 3 weeks non stop. My life was nothing I was unemployed I only ventured out socially 2 times in the last 6 years. I had an on off relationship and no connection with my family, which was probably due to my drinking. I was feeling trapped living in my one room bedsit for the last 15 years, and just felt like a waste of space I was in a continue rut of drinking non stop recovering from drink. Getting myself better by exercising, running and then any stress I would hit the booze again I used 2 justify I needed breaks from reality because I could not cope with it. I had friends near me who would encourage me to drink and would come to me with there problems which done my head in.
I got through the Christmas drinking binge just. I can not remember much off it I tried stopping on boxing day, and asked my girlfriend if I could stay the night round hers as I wanted to get off the drink, get away from my mates as they where getting into all sorts of trouble which was being brought to my door and I knew that there would be some incident that night,i was getting pissed off with stopping my mate acting like a prat and stopping him from attacking another mutual friend with a meat clever these incidents were getting more frequent and I could not understand why they were acting like that felt I was the sensible one, and if I was the one with the most sense then were all in trouble. My girlfriend did not let me go round hers because she was busy watching telly.
I had been that day reducing my alcohol intake had only drunk 3 pints, as it was an incredible emotional day for me I had finally been reunited with my mum and little sister after 3 years and it meant the world 2 me.
There was nearly trouble I nearly ended up getting into a fight I took this out on my girlfriend for not being there for me. She was in process off moving and I offered her to come live with me putting myself out for her yet she would not help me with getting of the drink.
I went into full self destructive mode I broke up with my girlfriend by text they were not kind words I used I threw my Christmas presents away I got from her. I cut up my slippers she got me for Christmas which me and my true friend call slipper gate incident . I had a death wish I drunk non stop couldn't sleep was not eating and relying on mentally self checking myself and asking the questions how am I feeling now ? Very drunk was normally the reply Am I OK? Stuff like that. I told my friends to back off! Stay away because I was in no mood for bullshit. I then had a very lonely self-time with me and Mr special-brew strong larger for many days, and my mental state was every where.
I knew in my heart something was very wrong I knew that this binge or the next one might be the last for me and I could not continue living like this. A great anger consumed me and I vowed I would not be treated like crap from people. I had a massive row with a so called friend and when we were rowing he start shouting and I would back down. I listened to him shouting and stop waiting for me to back down god was he wrong I ripped him 2 bits verbally and he backed off big time. I had lost my assertiveness, my sense off self, I looked around my bedsit it was chaos. I had been sleeping on the floor for the last 8 months, everything was disorganised I was not looking after. Myself my survival instinct kicked in and I decided I needed somewhere to go get my head together a bit of peace and quiet where I could run safely get through the withdrawal off alcohol, in the drunken sleepless messed up state I reached out for help and asked my family. I needed somewhere to stay, this was not easy as I was the black sheep off the family and had no contact with them for years. I could not stay at my my mums as she is bi polar and has no space. My dear beloved aunty rescued me and allowed me to stay with her
I went to the doctors and was told I have PTSD from an incident 6 years back. I at first was relived that I had something wrong with me because I had never felt right. Then I was scared of PTSD when I researched it on-line a lot of things made sense. I am now 2 and a bit months sober, I'm attending alcohol place who are fantastic. I'm also going to get help for being scared to go out socially, and I'm fighting to get housed near my family and the support they have been giving me
Now I'm in touch with myself more so because I'm not drinking, I'm trying to learn and deal with symptoms off PTSD. I get one symptom which scares me I feel really tired confused like I'm going mad. I go and have a bath I try not 2 fight it and I listen to a song called explosions by Elly Golding it calms me and is my song for this period off my life.
Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest for a bit, and thanks for sites like this for giving people the information they need so they can make sense of what's going on thank you as the song says its OK to be afraid!
It was getting near to Christmas a time I dread as I have alcohol abuse issues, so as is typical of me I found myself embarking on a massive drinking binge from morning till night for I guess 3 weeks non stop. My life was nothing I was unemployed I only ventured out socially 2 times in the last 6 years. I had an on off relationship and no connection with my family, which was probably due to my drinking. I was feeling trapped living in my one room bedsit for the last 15 years, and just felt like a waste of space I was in a continue rut of drinking non stop recovering from drink. Getting myself better by exercising, running and then any stress I would hit the booze again I used 2 justify I needed breaks from reality because I could not cope with it. I had friends near me who would encourage me to drink and would come to me with there problems which done my head in.
I got through the Christmas drinking binge just. I can not remember much off it I tried stopping on boxing day, and asked my girlfriend if I could stay the night round hers as I wanted to get off the drink, get away from my mates as they where getting into all sorts of trouble which was being brought to my door and I knew that there would be some incident that night,i was getting pissed off with stopping my mate acting like a prat and stopping him from attacking another mutual friend with a meat clever these incidents were getting more frequent and I could not understand why they were acting like that felt I was the sensible one, and if I was the one with the most sense then were all in trouble. My girlfriend did not let me go round hers because she was busy watching telly.
I had been that day reducing my alcohol intake had only drunk 3 pints, as it was an incredible emotional day for me I had finally been reunited with my mum and little sister after 3 years and it meant the world 2 me.
There was nearly trouble I nearly ended up getting into a fight I took this out on my girlfriend for not being there for me. She was in process off moving and I offered her to come live with me putting myself out for her yet she would not help me with getting of the drink.
I went into full self destructive mode I broke up with my girlfriend by text they were not kind words I used I threw my Christmas presents away I got from her. I cut up my slippers she got me for Christmas which me and my true friend call slipper gate incident . I had a death wish I drunk non stop couldn't sleep was not eating and relying on mentally self checking myself and asking the questions how am I feeling now ? Very drunk was normally the reply Am I OK? Stuff like that. I told my friends to back off! Stay away because I was in no mood for bullshit. I then had a very lonely self-time with me and Mr special-brew strong larger for many days, and my mental state was every where.
I knew in my heart something was very wrong I knew that this binge or the next one might be the last for me and I could not continue living like this. A great anger consumed me and I vowed I would not be treated like crap from people. I had a massive row with a so called friend and when we were rowing he start shouting and I would back down. I listened to him shouting and stop waiting for me to back down god was he wrong I ripped him 2 bits verbally and he backed off big time. I had lost my assertiveness, my sense off self, I looked around my bedsit it was chaos. I had been sleeping on the floor for the last 8 months, everything was disorganised I was not looking after. Myself my survival instinct kicked in and I decided I needed somewhere to go get my head together a bit of peace and quiet where I could run safely get through the withdrawal off alcohol, in the drunken sleepless messed up state I reached out for help and asked my family. I needed somewhere to stay, this was not easy as I was the black sheep off the family and had no contact with them for years. I could not stay at my my mums as she is bi polar and has no space. My dear beloved aunty rescued me and allowed me to stay with her
I went to the doctors and was told I have PTSD from an incident 6 years back. I at first was relived that I had something wrong with me because I had never felt right. Then I was scared of PTSD when I researched it on-line a lot of things made sense. I am now 2 and a bit months sober, I'm attending alcohol place who are fantastic. I'm also going to get help for being scared to go out socially, and I'm fighting to get housed near my family and the support they have been giving me
Now I'm in touch with myself more so because I'm not drinking, I'm trying to learn and deal with symptoms off PTSD. I get one symptom which scares me I feel really tired confused like I'm going mad. I go and have a bath I try not 2 fight it and I listen to a song called explosions by Elly Golding it calms me and is my song for this period off my life.
Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest for a bit, and thanks for sites like this for giving people the information they need so they can make sense of what's going on thank you as the song says its OK to be afraid!
Last edited by a moderator:
