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I've Always Wanted To Tell You...

  • Post starter Post starter Ateka
  • Start date Start date
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You make me feel sick to my stomach. I cannot stand you. I have not liked you for so long now. You think you are loved for who you are and i have made excuses for you. I am ashamed of you. You are a low life. I wish you were not a part of my life. I am so sorry you are.
 
I can't stand the way you complain about me to everyone you think will listen and then I have to deal with the weird looks. I hate that your 'family' dislikes everything you do but joins in the martyrdom of 'doing the right thing' by being fake kind to me and 'forgiving' of you. It's toxic, so toxic I can't breathe in it. I wish your family would just accept that I'm the ex and stop trying to include me. I wish you would just shut the f*ck up and be a man. You messed up, it's your responsibility to deal with the aftermath instead of pinning it all on me just because I'm the one who made you face it.
 
Don't look at me. Don't talk to me. Don't touch me. Stay the hell away from me. :mad:
 
You're pathetic. You think you're more important than everyone else, but you're just a sad, old, angry, pathetic piece of shit. You're going to live a lonely life and die alone with no one there who cares.
 
When I think of you I want to throw up. Yeah, I hate you that much.
 
Your hostility wont make me care. Not about you and not about people like you. I am worthwhile, and capable, and if you can't see that then you are a scared old man, and I have had enough of your stupid crap.
 
I never stopped loving you and I miss you more than you will ever know. I am so sorry that I pushed you away. I couldn't save us both. I wonder every single day if there was a way I could've stayed, but you kept going farther in to that life by choice. I couldn't keep us both from drowning while you were insistent on swimming towards the bottom. I am so sorry. I would've done anything for you if you would have only let me. We've both been through so much and we both deserve better. I wish I could help you see that for you. I wish you could be with me and we could both be getting the help we need. When ever you are ready to see what things could be like on the other side, I'll be here.
 
God it really hurts when you don't respond. Do you realize you always stop exactly when I've said the thing that was most difficult to say? I care about you and I so deeply appreciate the help you've given, how you pulled me from a darkness I thought I'd never be free of. But that trust is so pathetically fragile. I'm like a child here and I don't like it. When I'm honest with you and you say nothing, a part of me shuts itself off and it takes me months to get it open again. I don't know how to fix that, I don't know how to address it. I wish you would notice and just say something because I'm too afraid to do it.
 
I want to tell you I'm always thinking of you. Hoping one day you'll realize I'm not a threat, but a supporter who's willing to be with you through thick and thin. I want you to know I love you for all that you are.
 
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