I've Just Been...

[Ti Vu]

I've just been in a real bad place for the last week or so. The 28th was the anniversary and ever since then I've just been in bad shape. I went from 60 to 0 like nothing. A real whirlwind of emotions. I think I went from anger- just pure hatred towards the guy responsible, overwhelming me. I dream of strangling and getting rid of him. It transitioned to anxiety and fear, I miss my mom, my family, yet we're all in the same house. Sometimes even in the same room. And now I just feel incredibly sad. Like I'm completely out of gas. And I want to cry. I've spent the whole day today crying and confused. One session a week doesn't feel like enough, but I can't afford any more.

 

[xena21]

Anniversaries are horrible. They send me over the edge. I don't know how many hospitalizations I've had because of an anniversary. As for wanting him dead...that's normal. I've had thoughts about killing my family who are already dead. I get angry that they are already dead and I missed the opportunity.

Sadness is very normal as well. I think its good that you can cry over all this. That's one thing I need to learn. I'm like a mummy when it comes to sadness. I wish I could cry more. You are very normal for crying over these things and I hope you see the upside in all of this. Can you ask your therapist to see her more? Maybe if you express yourself like you have here she will agree to see you more often. It can't hurt to try. SHe may be able to give you some discount or pay program that minimizes the cost right now.

I wish you well.

 

[Ti Vu]

Yeah, I try not to give a day and a number so much power, but a part of me can't let go.

My psychologist is working with me enough as it is, and I'm already running short, so I'm not sure if that's possible. But yeah, I guess it won't hurt to try.

Thank you so much for your kind words. :) and I wish you well on your healing journey as well. :)