I've Made A Decision

[lyrical]

Well i've decided! I'm going to move out and get my own place.

This morning I got triggered by the other people in the house argueing, I wasn't involved at all but ended up really panicking and convinced I was going to be beaten. I ended up running out of the front door and through into the woods with no shoes on (we have inches of snow for goodness sake!). Calmed down after an hour or so and came back. But it's clarified to me that I need my own space and time to work through all this and get some control back in my life. I'm not going to be able to do that here due to being triggered so much - pretty much every day.

My family won't adapt to not trigger me and in reality its unfair of me to expect them to.

So I phoned (yes I used the phone!!!!!!!!!!!) and rang an estate agents thats open weekends and they have two possible houses for me to look at, they're only about half a mile away so my little brother can come round all he wants, and also take pets so my dog can come with me. They're available right after the holidays, and one of them is fully furnished so would be really easy for me to move into, that same one is also located closer to my work!

I'm proud of myself for actually making the decision and doing something about it. I think that this is going to be a good thing. The thought of not being worried about being triggered at home, so its actually somewhere to run to instead of from has given me what feels like a little bubble of hope in my chest.

Thanks for reading.

Lyrical x

 

[Sasha]

Lyrical, I am so proud of you!!! You must feel so good after taking this first step to research your options. Options are good, they give us some sense of control over our lives! It sounds like two awesome places, I'm really happy that you have a ray of sunshine in the midse of some dark clouds. And another good thing is that you will still be very close to your brother, so he can visit easily. And your beloved pup can stay with you too. This way you can visit your family, and when they 'get on your nerves' you can go home and have some peace. No matter what decision you make, you took the time to open up your choices - which is alone empowering. I can't wait to hear more. Hugs to you, Sasha

 

[lyrical]

Thankyou Sasha, that means alot. As you say knowing that the option is there and that I AM strong enough to do it is empowering. I'm really hoping one of these works out as I don't want to move to far away from the little man.

Thanksyou

x

 

[helena]

Congratulations Lyrical - personal space and freedom is always empowering.

Good luck

Helena

 

[lyrical]

Thankyou Helena x

 

[JohnnyM53]

Very Happy to hear this Lyrical.

You deserve and need to have your own space and peace of mind, regardless of who or what triggers you.

It's important to have a place to unwind and think.

This sounds like a major decision for you and one that took a lot of courage to decide on.

You should be very proud of yourself as these decisions are not easy to make.

You're going to start the new year off the right way!!

JM

 

[anthony]

Sounds good... any decision is better than no decision in my book. Well done.

 

[lyrical]

Thanks JM53, you're right it has been a big decision but I think the right one for me most definately.

Thankyou Anthony, yes I think deliberating over making the decision was hardest, the uncertainty and doubts. Now i've decided to just do it I feel much more positive about it. It will be lovely to have peace and quiet.

 

[anni]

Hi Lyrical,

The first morning that you wake up and you don't have to deal with anyone is going to be amazing. It's so strange but I remember running though the field in the snow with no shoes once. Wow. Haven't thought of that in years, but 20 years later I still appreciate waking up to my own peace. It STILLLL feels so free!

What a cool thing to have done for yourself. Congrats hugely!

Anni

 

[gdf]

Way to go Lyrical...sounds like a quiet oasis has been found.:thumbs-up
Gina

 

[Jagged Angel]

This is fantastic news! Hopefully you can find a place close enough for your brother to visit. Good luck with the house hunt.

 

[lyrical]

thankyou everyone, fingers crossed I may have found somewhere just a couple of streets away from where my little brother lives, i'm going to the letting agents in the morning so fingers crossed.