I've Never Seeked Help And Think I Need It Bad

[April.Jean.Libecap]

I've never reached out for help and I've never been diagnosed with anything because of a lack of medical insurance and my own fears ...

Started as a child witnessing a lot of abuse to my mother then the abuse turned to me at age 6. My father was mean, physically and verbally abusive. To just me out of my 3 sisters. When I reached age 12 my mom didn't hold back the physical abuse. At 13 I was raped by a classmate. He stole my virginity. I never got help I was bullied at school for supposedly lying because I didn't report it until 9 months after the incident. The bullying lasted through my 10th year in school.

I started using drugs and alcohol to cope when I was 15 . Shortly after I was raped again by two "friends " while I was drunk. I reported it and the police pulled my leg for 8months before telling me there wasn't enough witnesses, and that I shouldn't have gotten drunk. Epically failed school from that point on. I continued drug and alcohol use.

I had a baby at age 17. The father was very abusive to me and even hit me during pregnancy. I became so used to abuse that I felt like it was normal. My parents abuse only got worse from the ages of 15 and 18. I attempted and failed suicide multiple times. I had memories that I didn't know exist come to mind and apparently I was molested as a young child by my older male cousin. At age 19 I was sexually assaulted in a car and thrown out of it because I accepted a ride home from work from a coworker.

And now I'm 20 and I have a good job and my own home but I feel worse than ever. I can't get out of bed for work. I have negative and scary thoughts popping in my head all day. I am physically ill and I can't figure out why , it's so hard for me to do literally anything anymore . I am at a point where I feel like I can't work another day. I am still uninsured and so hurt by the fact that I am never going to feel any different . I just needed to let that out . But the sad part is I left out hundreds and hundreds of other incidents that keep my mind occupied with depression , and fear that something's gonna happen.

 

[Muzikluvr]

(((( @April.Jean.Libecap )))) I'm so very sorry for what you've lived through. It's so difficult to break out of the abuse cycle.

You have a long road ahead of you, but there is hope at the end of it. You'll need help from a therapist. Many of them work on a sliding scale, so don't let lack of money stop you from seeking help. It took courage for you to post. It will take courage for you to make contact in real life. I hope you will muster the courage to ask a therapist for help. Ask and ask and ask again if you must. You deserve help.

 

[Randombits]

Many places have help just for women who've been through what you have. I would call a woman's shelter hotline they are anonymous and can point you to services in your area. Even if it's just a support group for survivors of sexual assault and abuse it's still a start and people with experience getting help in tough situations like yours.

Do not be ashamed to take help or aide. You said you had a child I do not know if you do have that child with you now but every state has programs for those with dependent children to get insurance and other aides. I made very good money before what happened to cause my PTSD I owned respected stores and was well known. Because I didn't get diagnosed right away and my incident left me with physical damages all while I was mid divorce I became very acquainted with needing and using government aide. It can be a hand up and there is no shame in using it that way. I'm still a long way from where I was but I am getting my life back to get her and I have hope and those are just as important as anything else.

Message me if you like I know a lot of the programs in various areas so I would like to help point you in the right direction.

Working is impossible when you can become afraid to leave your home I'm no stranger to that feeling you aren't along