Jekyll And Hyde Abusers

[kayak]

After talking with my therapist, I just realized that I'm in a verbally/emotionally abuse situation with...my boss. I just assumed he was being a typical a-hole employer, but my therapist kindly pointed out that his behaviors are abusive and bear a lot of resemblance to my childhood abuse situations (minus the physical abuse). Due to government contracts and my career structure, I have to stay with this guy for 2 more years. Right now, we are on really good terms, and he says that I am like family and he cares about me alot; in a few days he will be yelling at me and telling me that I'm rude, beligerant, and a waste of money. The main problem here is that I really like the feeling of caring. love and support I get from him when he's being nice. Anyway, as I'm stuck here for 2 years does anyone know how to deal with this? How do I protect myself from being torn apart by the emotional ups and downs that come with this? How do I stay in control in a situation with such a power differential? Help...?

 

[ronin47]

For starters, recognize that it is not about you. The anger and mood swings come from him and his mind.

Second, communicate with him about this when he is not in one of his angry modes. When he starts saying that he cares about you, say something like, "If you care about me so much why do you say I'm a waste of money?" Communication is the best thing you can do so that you are not left feeling like verbal abuse is normal for those who care about you. Or vic versa, that people are manipulative and will only tell you what you want to hear.

You boss may very well just be an incosiderate boob, but either way it would be in your best interest to make a point of directly speaking to him about his behavior.

Again, always remember that his behavior has nothing to do with you.