Judgmental Doctors

[Casey_03]

I broke down and started bawling today during a visit to the doctor. I was relieved and grateful to find this doctor; he will be the obstetrician delivering my baby. I was there today to get routine tests but it turned into a nightmare.

Upon arriving I was given the run around by a nurse who didn't seem to understand I had a deal with the doctor; then the doctor seemed all irritated that I didn't come to his office right away, though I explained that the nurse wouldn't let me through. Then began a long process during which I got ping-ponged around from department to department, with everyone I dealt with being incredibly rude and impatient whenever I explained that, "Hey, sorry if I ask questions, but I'm a foreigner and don't know how the system works here."
Then I finally sat down with the doctor and he said he wanted me to stay in the hospital to get tests done -- tests that I have already had done elsewhere and have already given him the results for. It's nothing critical, but there are some complications. So he gave me no notice and said he planned for me to stay in the hospital. I kept asking him to clarify for how long, how many days, give me details. He was being vague and I kept explaining that I have to work and short of an emergency, cannot just randomly and abruptly take time off work or I will be fired and be unable to feed the baby or pay my medical bills. He was more or less understanding about that, but then called my prenatal doctor to check something about my paperwork, and I had to sit there and listen to them talk about me. She complained about me to him and said I was a bad patient who refuses to take orders; she tried to pass me off onto him so that she wouldn't have to see me anymore. This perplexed me -- I've never disobeyed anything she said to me, and she is always ridiculously nice to me when I see her, so nice it's nauseating. The only time I ever put up resistance with her is when she told me at 7 pm one evening that I had an appointment the next day at 7 am -- an appointment which she had made without warning me about. At that time, I told her I had to work and would have to postpone, and she yelled at me and said I'm a pregnant woman and shouldn't be working. I explained to her that I am completely alone and if I do not work, I will be unable to feed myself, let alone the baby. She didn't seem to believe me. Now I am sitting here feeling like crap because these doctors seem to think I'm some terrible patient just because I continue to work. I am tempted to file a complaint against the female prenatal doc for trying to pass me off on to the other doctor and generally being rude and incompetent (she is the one who tried to trick me into paying her and her friend a massive bribe). I don't want to go back to either doctor.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I broke down and started bawling today during a visit to the doctor. I was relieved and grateful to fi...

That all sounds extremely horrible and traumatic, and there is one thing they are right about- you are pregnant...so you should be doing what is best for the baby. And by that I don't mean "not work" because obviously if you're low on money that will be a lot more stress. I mean having less stress. Is there any way you can find another(third) doctor?

 

[Casey_03]

@SeekingAfrica Thanks for responding so quickly ) I signed a contract and already paid, so would just lose money if I found a third doctor. The obstetrician seemed okay after I explained my situation, so I think he'll be okay, but I have an appointment with the prenatal lady next week and fear I may end up snapping at her or confronting her (which might be cathartic but would also probably just increase stress). I guess I just don't appreciate having to defend myself to the doctors; it feels like they see me as a "bad mother" for working, when it's really the baby's deadbeat father that is the asshole for taking off and not providing any financial support for the medical bills. Also, the culture here is so different ... all the women giving birth here go to doctor's appointments with not only their spouse, but their parents and grandparents as well. It's a whole big family affair. So when I tell them I'm alone, they seem to think I am somehow exaggerating or lying.

 

[Anarchy]

and said I was a bad patient who refuses to take orders;

that's a big sense of entitlement there

Really hope that you get the care you need.
@

 

[Anarchy]

and fear I may end up snapping at her or confronting her (which might be cathartic but would also probably just increase stress).

What's the godfather quote about revenge being a dish that is best enjoyed cold...

thinking about writing an article or three for publications that Ukrainian women are likely to read, might help you not rise to her bait - even when she's messing about at a time that is so difficult for you. Articles are also likely to sting the quacks far more as well - and it sounds like they richly deserve having their sense of entitlement challenged.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

@SeekingAfrica Thanks for responding so quickly ) I signed a contract and already...

Hope it goes well. Social opinions can be constraining for sure, but as we say in my family: you don't pay tax for people's opinion:D(not sure if that made sense in english). Anyway, just remember that although maybe in the people surrounding you there might be different opinion, there are millions of single mothers managing just fine. You can get through this and be really great at it. Not that it's an easy situation, not at all, but you care about your baby, that's all that matters. Don't feel bad for something another person did(the baby's father). Him leaving is not on you, and you managing in his absense means only good things about who you are, not the other way around.