Sufferer Just Another Crazy Vet

[Deadman]

now we need to take care of US.

Yeah but I really suck at that.

And just for the record I have no problem with female soldiers. None of the ones I worked with ever let me down. I can't say that was true of all my male colleagues.

 

[Deadman]

n my book that's honor, homie.

Thank you brother.

 

[Deadman]

OK, I have to take a break. This is all a little overwhelming. Just when you convince yourself you are alone and better off that way you find it is not true.

 

[ladee]

(((((((((( Deadman ))))))))))

 

[Susan Sleepless]

Yeah but I really suck at that.

And just for the record I have no problem with female soldiers. None o...

No not that I have ever had issues with OUR soldiers, just fear and weakness while in Afghanistan. ANA would expose themselves as we were on our way to shower. CoC answer was to have you guys escort us, declined because that's weak. Tough>

 

[Esterio]

Oh reading all of these replies to your posts Deadman. I agree you are and have done so much for for others all the way on the other side of the world. You are not week at all. You are a strong and willing to help person. I believe you would give your life for another if the need was there. I am proud and honoured to have met you. To me you are some one willing to help other with your words and deeds. You are not week at all you are a very strong person to have survived all that you have. I myself am glad to know you.
Peace be safe Look after your birds.

 

[LuckiLee]

Weak? Far from it! That is PTSD playing with your mind. The beast (PTSD) thrives on your insecurities. One negative thought and he pounces!! Just sharing your story with us is BRAVE!! You're helping me to understand my Veteran a little bit more and I THANK YOU!!

 

[Hardtke]

It's a calling... Deadman knows that...
Some people are built for it, and some arent. Those that are can feel this calling at a young age. Then they begin searching... and once they have found it; it's something that's committed to in body and sole. An obligation they feel for life.. although they feel it just as strong, at some point they realize their post has an expiration date. Something I found the hard way. I myself have some survivors guilt, I miss my men and I even miss the shit because that's where I was both at my best and at home. Trying to live a normal life, and be just another person on the street is one of the hardest battles I've ever fought.. I just those times of doubt, I actually find myself missing the days of hunger, dehydration, cold , wet and the ground as a pillow. But even then as still, I find the brightness in the stars.

 

[ladee]

Brightness in the stars... hope, we all have to have a little hope... thanks for sharing @Hardtke . and thank you for all you did also... on so many levels we do not understand . So when you and Deadman share, we come to know what it must have been like for you all.... we do need to know those hard truths... or at least I do... Just glad you are here also....

 

[Hardtke]

I think we would all say the same thing.. I'm happy there's people who are willing to not only hear, but listen. . None of us look for pity in any shape or form. We signed up and or put ourselves in harms way. And knowing that there are those that are living a better life in some war torn god forsaken place, is an honor by itself. And odds are we'd all do it all over again. But coming back... you're leaving something behind. You can't touch it anymore. . But somehow you still feel it. At the end of the day we are all just trying to get home. Where home is can become confusing. Home is where you feel like you belong.. your feelings to that change.. People who strive to understand what one like this feels, what they know, and what they are willing to share, are gems.. Because for every one of those, are 1000 that could care less.. Or those like my father, a Decorated vet and seen the horrors of war, when I told him I was having issues, his words were "Cowboy the hell up, you aren't the first nor will you be the last so get over it and move on". Hard, rough necks.. John Wayne and Patton types... that's a big reason why Vets don't open up anymore. You try and open up to an old-timer that's seen the same, most times you're dismissed and labeled as weak at the same time. Weakness... Combat ineffective. ... detrimental to any post warfighter. Attempted Understanding is not a declaration of weakness.... it's empowerment. While some could never fully understand the mindset, the ability to listen and attempt is a quality that is not taken for granted.. H-

 

[ladee]

"But coming back...you're leaving something behind'.... I now understand more about a dear friend of mine who came home from Vietnam....when he stopped by the house to let me know he was 'home', there was nothing there.... he left it all behind. I asked him if I could hug him... he said, 'sure', but nothing was there.... I didn't cry in front of him, it would have been a disservice to him... but I did when he left.... he tried... he really tried to come back and have a life.... he disappeared, we still don't know if he is alive or not... and now I know what that look on his face and in his eyes meant... I knew on a intellectual level... but I will never know really. Not really...
I went to too many funerals back then. one was too many, but there were many... and none of the ones who came home talked about it...none of them.... they were the generation after 'JohnWayne/Patton' and they had no where to go with any of it.... I would have listened.... and they knew it... but they left too much there....

Thank you for sharing this @Hardtke , now I know, this many years later, but now I know....
And no, none of you are looking for pity, none I've met so far.... and 'home', doesn't mean the same thing as it did before you left. Even I can understand that because of my own life... I read something awhile back, don't know who the quote is by... "We are all walking each other home".... and that means we hear you, we are listening.... as each of us search for 'home'.... Gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Hardtke]

I have no idea how to tell where to post things on here