Just Fired This Week.

[umbrella]

Without going into too many details about my PTSD condition, I will just say that I am in a better place than I was a few months ago when I was dealing with severe flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and debilitating anxiety. I'm still struggling, but I feel grateful for being able to overcome that dark time in my life.

I was fired this week. And I need to talk about it. I don't have anyone close to talk about this with, since I have not yet disclosed my PTSD condition to those around me (this is a separate issue). It was an entry-level job in a very specialized field that I started about 1.5 months ago. The interview was brief, my employer didn't provide exact job duties, and additionally said no training would be provided on the job. I had red flags about this, however I needed the income and had heard back from nowhere in a long time, so I accepted.

I'm not exactly sure why I was hired, because when I got there, there was not much work for me to do (I had to go around volunteering to help people) and the employer hardly talked with me. About two weeks in, I was given several complex assignments to work on from a senior manager with no instructions or explanation. I was brushed off when I tried to ask questions several times, so I did my best to figure it out on my own. Around this time, I also noticed the exact same job advertisement for my position pop up on the same websites I applied through. I was still subscribed to the websites, so I got updates. I could not be entirely sure if it was the same (company's names are anonymous) so I disregarded it. My employer didn't talk to me much even few weeks into the job and I felt he was very chilly and hostile towards me; I thought it was because I was new.

I did my best to complete those assignments, but I was called in and reprimanded for minor things the senior manager found unsatisfactory with one of the assignments. Since it was my first assignment, I thought it would be normal to get feedback so I can fix it for the future assignments. Many things the manager found unsatisfactory were due to my unawareness of these expectations. He kept calling me back in for the batch of assignments I did, before he made these expectations clear, and harshly reprimanded me for the errors and unsatisfactory qualities. After this batch, I worked on all those expectations with little problem (but they actually never got to see this batch since I got fired)

I became aware that other people in the office were making similar errors, but were asked to update and change something, but not treated the way I was. Then the last two weeks were strange. I had been there for a month by then, so I knew that certain things are done a certain way, but my manager would tell me to do something, then he would tell me that there was actually a modification in company policy and do things another way which is considered wrong. Since it's considered wrong/incorrect, I was confused but since he told me to, I did it. I never saw what happened after it left my hands, but I got the feeling it wasn't good based on how my employer seemed around me.By the last time this happened, I got the feeling my manager was purposely giving me mis-information because he wanted to get me fired.

I was right. After the last time this happened, I was fired on the spot by my employer and asked to leave that morning. I felt relieved almost. I felt like I had been strung along for 1.5 months and they had no intention of keeping me around in the first place. If they wanted me for the job, they would've at least MINIMALLY mentored and explained to me what the expectations and method of doing the assignments, instead of one day starting to dump things on me, refusing to answer questions, then reprimanding me for falling below expectations. When I look back on my time here, I think they made up their mind soon after they hired me that they didn't want me. But now I ask myself why? what could I have done wrong within the first few moments in that company? I then wondered if maybe my references said something bad, but I couldn't imagine. I worked part-time throughout school and I never got indication they were not happy with me. When I asked my reference, they said my employer never called or contacted, but I noticed they hesitated before saying that.

I don't know what to think. Why did my employer ask for the references if they weren't going to call? Is it because they weren't going to keep me around in the first place? Or did I somehow do something to offend or step on the toes of my previous part-time supervisors, and they gave me a bad reference, and were covering up by saying they never heard from my employer? This has been very hard for me, and I keep repeating this in my mind over and over again, but it's hard for me to process. I need some advice.

 

[p-no]

Hi umbrella,

When I saw the title of your thread I thought about writing I'm sorry you lost your job. After reading the whole post, I am not sorry you lost it but relieved. Although I am aware about reasons to take it on, money issues etc., I can not imagine working in such an environment with PTSD for a long time, and be able to cope, no matter what their reasons are for having acted the ways they have.

My first job was with a company the image of which I liked. It's a publishing house for computer-related magazines. I was hired for administration and had to share an office with a male colleague who seemed nice but also passive aggressive. All my alarms went off, but I needed the job at the time. That man behaved continually nice and was helpful. After about four weeks some other aspects of his personality came through and I noticed other colleagues looking with concern at me. Since I was really bad at giving my alarms credit and actually doing something about them, their reactions had helped me understand that something really was wrong, although I didn't know what and what to do. He then asked me out (on a date), I said no. And that was a huge "mistake" in terms of peace in the office and the ability to work there. His behaviour turned around completely and there was not one day when he wouldn't shake for aggression and yell. He continued to get me to go out by threatening. The last threat being that if I didn't, he would do to me what he had done to another (male!) colleague because that man had not done what he was asked, which was beat me up and throw me down a flight of stairs. That other colleague, he said, had had to stay in hospital for four weeks. Made another big mistake and didn't believe him because that other colleague was still working there and it was years after! Then I decided to go find out if even part of it were true and that the very colleague confirmed with a hell of a lot of fear in his eyes, and shakily. Finally I did something right and went to the man who was the owner and CEO of the company. I was in a terrible state totally scared, crying my head off, trembling, and told him what had happened. His reaction: "Thomas (name changed, the guy causing the trouble) has been here for eight years now, you for few months. He's vital for our public image. Guess who will pack up right now and leave?" Well, guess who did. Talk about retraumatization.

But here's the but: No matter what the reasons anyone treats you like shit, try change the focus to you. You seem to look into the others and find out what they think/thought, why they did what they did, what they felt about you, etc. You will not find out though, no matter how many people will post here and give you their views on things as to the whys, what fors, etc. That's simply because they aren't them. What you can do though is look at them from outside so to speak, as you, and see what they were doing to you and look into yourself to find what feelings that has caused you to feel, if you find that behaviour appropriate, or not, accepting or not, fair or not etc...

I was crushed back then because I couldn't find out what I could have possibly done that I had deserved that sh*t. Looking back with a lot more therapy on my cv the answer is: nothing. Sometimes it's as simple as that: people behave in terrible ways without much reason or any at all. All reasons I can come up with for that situation you were in really don't matter since they just point out that something went wrong there beyond making sense, from what you have written above.

By the way, that CEO also told me that they had hired me only to make the company's move to a new building anyway... That also had nothing to do with me. They needed someone to fill in the space for work reasons. Had they told me otherwise in the interview? Yes, of course. Otherwise I wouldn't have taken it. Did this suck? Yup. Did this leave me feel crushed? Yup. Would I have ever wanted to work there again or continued to back then? N.O. Although I realize it's two very different stories, I'd focus on the fact that I wouldn't be able to work in a workplace such as the one you described for a long time with my PTSD, and wouldn't want to for myself. I am sorry though that you have lost the good of the job, meaning the satisfaction we can get from the actual work, salary etc.

All the best.

 

[Srain]

Umbrella, I agree with Prime-no here, some times it has nothing to us at all. From reading what you wrote it sounds like you did what was expected and it was not the job for you. It may sound contrite but believe me I understand the mixed feelings of relief and shock of being fired. It's horrible to be fired when you know you have done everything you could and what you felt was expected of you but the truth is in this case I'd be grateful it wasn't drawn out any longer than it was.

At this point remember who you are and shake the dust from your heels of that place. Don't let them steal anymore of your time than they have.

Take good care.
Peace,
Rain

 

[Red Feather]

Sorry to hear what happened to you umbrella and prime-no too. My goodness! Unfortunately I can not ever imagine myself at a work place. I think interpersonal stuff come up so quickly and as in the case of prime-no, the background and reasons for the uncalled-for behavior is quite abusive and disgusting. I hope you find a job that is easy with people who can show you the respect you deserve.

 

[piratelady]

I am sorry you went through all that Umbrella. Sometimes, it is best to be fired. I hope you are able to find a new job that is in an enviornment that will allow you to flourish :)

 

[umbrella]

Hi prime- no. From reading your post, I wonder if having PTSD undermines our intuition so that we ignore things we usually wouldn't. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. you're right in that I'm trying to figure out what I think they thought and did, but for my previous supervisors, I guess I am trying to figure out if they said something bad or were somehow unhappy with my work, than I wouldn't trust them in the future to place them as a reference. Or at least I'd be able to have the foresight to discuss this with a potential employer.

Hi Srain. I agree with you that I'm grateful it wasn't drawn out much longer. I know I did everything I could, but I don't know how to discuss this with a future boss in another interview.
To anyone reading this as well I guess, I don't even know how to explain what just happened. I feel like I was just in a hit and run and I'm still shocked. I've never been fired before, and I feel so embarrassed. How do I explain this at an interview?

Hi Nadia, I agree, I hope to find a job that treats me with the respect I deserve. I didn't put up much of a fight when I was fired. It was clear to me they didn't want me around, and I felt that I was underappreciated and that it was their loss.

Thanks piratelady, I hope to find a job that will let me flourish too. I just feel so demoralized at this point. I can't tell you how much your replies are helping. If anyone has had experience with this, i'd like to hear from you too

 

[p-no]

As for me, I don't think it's the PTSD that undermines my intuition. My intuition is actually very good. However, part of all my traumas was not reacting. As a new-born I was neglected badly, not fed, left crying, screaming until I would go numb, would not move, as if dead. So from the earliest time on I had experienced that reacting to an offgoing alarm (e.g. an offgoing alarm being hunger and noone coming for feeding, and reacting being screaming and crying to draw attention) didn't produce any results. More or less all traumas were like that. I had called for help, institutions, people I knew, etc. Nothing ever happened. So, I am used severely to nothing happening. I have to actively take notice of these alarms and since they don't produce anything that makes me automatically take action, I need to consciously think: what do I do now, what are the options, which ones make sense and get me a result I want/need, etc. Sounds worse than it is (now); I have learned a lot and my reaction time has improved very much.
So, I don't think, in my case, it's the PTSD, but the traumas.

With regard to what you're saying about your reference and their happiness or unhappiness with your work with them: the same applies as in my first post: you can not know and if they do not want to tell you they will not tell you. Again, you can focus only on yourself. What did your intuition say about this (the "hesitated" part):

When I asked my reference, they said my employer never called or contacted, but I noticed they hesitated before saying that.

Also, people without PTSD have only their intuition in a situation like this and no more than that. So, what I do is I listen to it and act accordingly. So, the only things I see you can do is call your reference and ask what they think of your work. From their answer you will get more information and maybe a better "gut feeling". Still, the mere hesitation before saying something (without any gut feeling) doesn't say anything. They could have thought about it to remember correctly. I hesitate so often, people sometimes have to wait 20 seconds for a reply. ;)

Being fired is a major shock. It takes some time to get back to a balance. Sometimes it's best to just be for a while and "licking your wounds" (that's a German idiom and I hope it makes some sense in English).

 

[anthony]

Sorry to hear... that sucks.

 

[Srain]

I know I did everything I could, but I don't know how to discuss this with a future boss in another interview.

I was fired after 6months at a job and it was a severe shock. I was constantly being sat down to "lectures" about how to do my job which was a combination programming and Executive Assistant who insisted on not having an inbox, well...I was the inbox so when ever he came I would have to be alerted by others if I was in the back programming so I could run get coffee, the mail, and stand by his door until he waved or clicked for me to begin informing him of what had come in for him that day, his appointment, etc.

Then in the middle of day while making travel plans for him he would call me in for an lecture about how my job was not "rocket science" if I had not gotten something for him that he thought I should or was still sweating over the data. I would try get earlier to get more of the programming set up so I could be freed up more in the day to attend to working with him but it was difficult to get the schedule right especially since I was working hourly and he was complaining about no over-time.

Basically, I had a whole in my resume when I left and I was none to sad to leave but in serious shock because I needed a job, I had bills, and didn't have any idea how to explain this. The work I had done was important and my resume was outstanding.

I decided to explain to my potential employer the work I had done and that basically it was not a fit. I didn't trash the company or the employer but simply told them that I had done my best. I was disappointed the job did not work out.

You might add "although I was disappointed not to have had a little bit more opportunity to improve"...end of conversation. Or leave it off your resume, how ever you wish to deal with it.

Sorry to have rambled.
Rain

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

Hi prime- no. From reading your post, I wonder if having PTSD undermines our intuition so that we ignore things we usually wouldn't.

I agree with that statement. I think we are hypervigilant in some areas, but blind in others because of the PTSD.

People willing to keep violent employees are either crazy or living in a lot of fear themselves. I know it doesn't help in the moment, but you are better off out of that environment. I hope you get hired by someone who deserves you soon.

 

[Wanda]

So Sorry and Umbrella, I was not fired, but company put me in long term disability guess what I lost all my benefits. I get 50% salary and company attorney group is filing for my social security disability - paying the cost so they dont have to pay me so much.

What hurts the worst is I was the most seniority manager but 20 yrs older than the others. I challenged my boss on an integrity violation that one of the younger ones told me to do and I refused. I worked for a Fourtune 500 company had 9 yrs there working toward 10 yrs. I asked to speak to her boss and she was angry I didn't want her on the meeting she harrassed me and belittled me for 2 days. On Thursday Feb 9th I met with our GM she treated me as if I was dead to her, she had one of the other managers give me messages. That evening we had our weekly "one on one" she provided my with my 2011 evaluation. I was an effective manager.....next words out of her mouth was I was ineffective to her. I cried all the way home.

The next morning she belittled me in front of my manager peers for an hour and a half. I honestly don't know how I made it through the day. Again after the meeting she treated me like I was dead to her...messages relayed to me by the other managers.

That night when I got in car with my husband I cried from the time I got in and cried for 4 days. I had 2 vacation days after the weekend and contacted our EAP program. They set me up with my counselor, and since Feb 14th I have seen her each week and see a Psychiatrist I worked with many years ago in a hospital that I see once a week.

The disability group kept trying to get me go back against medical advice, I even had to call my boss not the attendance manager one level above her to talk about a part time schedule. Her voice frightened me, but my Dr and Counselor said no. If I had to go back to work I would have ended up on a Psych Unit.

Life has been hard on less pay, but not having to go back has been a blessing, I know I will overcome this illness.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

First of all, it's illegal to have a previous employer give you a terrible reference. If they do that, they could be in some very deep ****. I got fired on Friday and I'm glad because I don't have to deal with those ***holes ever again until I go to court. The grievance against the State is huge and they fired me during a whistleblower status which means "oops". I felt at peace when they gave me the letter and I told them I knew this was coming. I said, "I'm at peace with this and I asked them who did the investigation." They responded that the same two that are in trouble with the EEOC did it and another big OOPS. I'm going to talk to an attorney and sadly, I'm going to have to file personal lawsuits against many of the employees who slandered me, took advantage of my PTSD by sending me to a Workplace Violence seminar that I was "forced" to go to even though Human Resources knew about this 2 motnshs before this event...and blah blah blah. My chapter 13 is turning into a chapter 7 bankruptcy and I'm going to start selling my stuff off tomake some money here and there. It's okay everyone. My medication went up again and now I don't had to worry about those jerks anymore or see them unless we're in court. Boy, isn't that going to be a stinker.