Just Joking

[prynne]

(This one might only work for british people, given accents:)
I have lots of jokes about white sugar but only one about brown sugar.
Demarera

As someone who isn't British, I was losing it trying to figure out what this means Finally got it lol

 

[Friday]

Taco Cat backwards is Taco Cat.

Alarming.

 

[LuckiLee]

Me: Knocks down spider web with broom.

Spider: wow

Me: Hangs huge spider web Halloween decoration.

Spider: WOW!!

🕷

 

[Freddyt]

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, “Uno, dos…” poof. He disappeared without a tres.


What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

 

[Freddyt]

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.


Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. “It’s not unusual” he replied.

 

[Muttly]

I needed these today. Thanks. @Freddyt, you are a king at the dad jokes

 

[Freddyt]

I needed these today. Thanks. @Freddyt, you are a king at the dad jokes

...it's my dads fault.......

A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.


What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

 

[Freddyt]

In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day......

Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C.

Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A: A buck-an-ear.

A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg and asked, “How did you get that?”
The pirate said, “Aye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.”
The sailor pointed to the pirate’s hook and asked, “How did you get that?”
The pirate said: “Aye, I fought Red Beard’s crew and lost me hand.”
The sailor pointed to the pirate’s eye patch and asked, “How did you get that?”
The pirate said, “Aye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.”
The sailor said, “That’s not as impressive as the other two. …”
“Aye,” the pirate answered. “It was me first day with the hook.”

 

[Dynamic]

I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep EVERYONE away, whatever their profession.

 

[LuckiLee]

Shouldn't hemorrhoids be called asteroids?

 

[Dynamic]

Why iron-man and not fe-male?

 

[Friday]

Why iron-man and not fe-male?

OMFG… I’m just dying.