Just Joking


What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.”

How does NASA organise a party?
They planet.

My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape. I choose round.”


Two vultures board an airplane. One of the vultures was carrying two dead raccoons, and the other vulture had two dead possums and a dead racoon. The stewardess looks at them and says "I'm sorry, the airline has a policy:
only one carrion allowed per passenger.

While walking in the desert one day, an old man told me not to eat the little aromatic shrubs.
It was sage advice.

A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately,no pun in ten did.


What's it called when all the treats are gone? A cat-astrophe.

A man walks into a bar with a cat and dog. They all sit down and the bartender says “What can I get you?” The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says I’ll take a Vodka, the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a Scotch.” The bartender, in shock, says to the dog, “This is AMAZING! You’re a dog that can talk…” The guy looks at the bartender, and says, “Don’t be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist.”

I have a pencil once owned by Shakespeare........Thanks to the cat it’s so chewed up I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.


Did you hear about the existential crisis at Sea World? Given all the pressure they're under to release their animals, they're fearful of a porpoise-less existence...

"Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool." -- Pavlov's Dog

The existential dyslexic insomniac stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.