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Just Joking

Iā€™m on a whiskey diet. Iā€™ve lost three days already.


Doc, I canā€™t stop singing the ā€˜Green Green Grass of Homeā€™. He said: ā€œThat sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.ā€ ā€œIs it common?ā€ I asked. ā€œItā€™s not unusualā€ he replied.
 
In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day......

Q: Why donā€™t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because theyā€™ll just wash up on shore later.

Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C.

Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A: A buck-an-ear.

A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirateā€™s peg leg and asked, ā€œHow did you get that?ā€
The pirate said, ā€œAye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.ā€
The sailor pointed to the pirateā€™s hook and asked, ā€œHow did you get that?ā€
The pirate said: ā€œAye, I fought Red Beardā€™s crew and lost me hand.ā€
The sailor pointed to the pirateā€™s eye patch and asked, ā€œHow did you get that?ā€
The pirate said, ā€œAye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.ā€
The sailor said, ā€œThatā€™s not as impressive as the other two. ā€¦ā€
ā€œAye,ā€ the pirate answered. ā€œIt was me first day with the hook.ā€
 
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