I was diagnosed YEARS ago, and what I've come to understand over the decades is that it doesn't matter in the long run. It's scary, seeing stuff you don't remember posting, doing stuff you don't remember doing, having conversations you don't remember having. But, unless your insiders are creating havoc or hurting you or someone else, it's more about learning to function, to get by in the world. I've come to understand that no one else's opinion of me and mine matters at all. All that matters is that I come to terms with how I am and I work to gain better functioning and less chaos.Hell, I still barely know I'm not in front until I experience something like this. How would a mod know if one of my parts was in front posting in my diary if I can barely figure that out, myself? I'll continue to post here to keep this thread active beacause I desperately need the connection and validation from others who have walked this walk with some success. Besides the 'I don't have DID, I must be making all this up' thing I go through on a regular basis, I also fight the 'my trauma wasn't bad enough to cause DID' and the 'I don't experience XY or Z, so this must not be DID?' thing on a regular basis, too. So, I have to continually remind myself that although my form of DID doesn't necessarily fall dead center into the DSM DID criteria, I DO have parts, they come completely to the front, constantly, and I don't even realize it. My memory is compromised and I am not fully functional as a result
For me, the foundation of all that has been communication. I haven't "integrated"--and I personally believe that is just a convenient term to make mental health providers feel more in control and have a goal to work toward--but I very seldom hear my insiders anymore. They don't write letters on my behalf anymore, they don't drive us to far-off places anymore, and they don't insist on fronting like they used to. They are still there, but they are just a part of who I am. And I got here by learning how to communicate, to hear their needs and fears and to share mine with them.
All this is specific to me. You and anyone reading may see things differently. I'm aware my ideas about medicine and psychology are different from others, so if you have a different view...ok.