Sufferer Just Me Trying To Get Better

[Northernthriver]

Hi. I am a 38 year old mom of 3 beautiful kids and lucky to have married a wonderful man. Unfortunately this past spring I suffered a nervous breakdown pretty much a result of doing too much while continuing to ignore my PTSD. My biggest issue is feeling guilty about having PTSD. I have a wonderful life. I am a childhood sex abuse survivor, survivor of a violent attack and have suffered through the loss of a child which I think kind of capped everything off.

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the community @Northernthriver. A good spouse is always helpful with PTSD, that's for certain.

 

[Notsowild]

Hi welcome to the forum. I am also a CSA survivor. I never thought there was anything wrong with me. Then bam I was hit with panic attacks and dissociation. Then since my lastest trauma I got even more dreadful symptoms. Trying to heal with the help of my psychiatrist and psychologist and of course this forum. This is a great place full of great knowledgeable people and check out the "vault". There is an article on guilt and shame there. Welcome aboard fellow Canuck.

 

[Northernthriver]

I was 'fine' for many years. Although it retrospect I was extremely promiscuous in youth and always have inflicted 'sexual self harm'. I never viewed my abuse or attacks as a big deal because I didn't want to give anyone that power over me I suppose but slowly things took they're toll. I have difficulty currently coping with stress but am dealing better with appropriate meds that I would love to get off of at some point. I guess I am just learning to deal with feeling bad about having PTSD when there are so many people who have suffered more than me and are fine. Ack.

 

[Notsowild]

Trauma is trauma. We try not to compare traumas here. You were attacked thats serious and its affecting you now. My latest trauma was a serious car accident. Isn't as bad as traumas go. But it brought on the most and worst symptoms. Are you in therapy? Please be kind to yourself.

 

[Seagreen]

Welcome to the forum ( :

 

[Northernthriver]

You're right, in would never try and compare traumas. Just trying to deal with my own, come from a family where the saying was 'it could always be worse'. They're good people who have always worked hard and soldiered on. I believe my Mom suffers from PTSD as well, orphaned by 17, car accident triggered her symptoms as well. Being raised by someone with undiagnosed PTSD made it difficult to ever feel like there was no danger, my mom was hyper vigilant but she was a great mom. I had therapy when I first got diagnosed for a bit but there is nothing available where I live up in the north. Guess that's why I showed up here. Somewhere safe to rant about my frustration and head how everyone else deals.

 

[intothelight]

@Northernthriver Welcome to the forum!

I guess I am just learning to deal with feeling bad about having PTSD when there are so many people who have suffered more than me and are fine.

Even though a variety of people can experience trauma, not everyone develops PTSD. It isn't something that anyone asks for and isn't anything that we have a choice about. It is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances and isn't a reflection on someone's character. What can even add to the difficulty of the diagnosis, is that symptoms can tend to spike when life is going fairly well. Sometimes when our brain registers that it is "safe" it starts to process.

I hope you find the information and support here helpful.