Just Need More Points Of View.....Re: Being A Parent

[becvan]

....Parents should help out their children...common sense right???? Or am I just living in a dream world??

The problem with common sense is that it's not common. Parents need to have limitations. Everyone has limitations. Just because a parent may have the means to do something does not mean they HAVE to, especially where an adult child is concerned.

This is what a parent views as reasonable. And each parent is different. I wouldn't just hand over a credit card to my kids, for any reason. It would never happen. I would probably offer to help with this kind of medical procedure, but I can't say I wouldn't expect my kids to chip in too. I don't expect my parents to just blindly hand over money for ANYTHING. I'm an adult and do the best I can to take care of myself. It would be insulting to think that they just "should" help me. However that is how I was raised. If they did hand over money, it would definitely be a favour and something I would strive to pay back.

So really, how was your mother raised? Was she raised to believe that adult children were to make do on their own? If so then what she is doing is more than you would normally expect. If she was raised to just do whatever was necessary for her children, no matter the age, then maybe question it. Try to look at this from her perspective instead of yours to see where she is coming from.

bec

 

[becvan]

Okay Pand, you need to stop with the couch diagnoses on your family. Just because someone is messed up, an alcoholic, or had trauma does not mean they have PTSD. You are seeing PTSD in everything right now. Cut it out.

#2. What are you doing? Really now. You are dragging yourself into the middle of a bunch of family fights over your mother? Why? Do you really need drama this much that you will go find it? CUT THE CRAP. This is your mothers issues, not yours. Calling up family members to swear at them because of how they treat your mom? Is your mom not an adult? Can she not take care of her own crap?

What are you getting out of creating this drama? What is your pay off? Just think about it.

bec

 

[pandora]

No pay off bec......my uncle called here, left a message on my machine. he was beligerent, drunk aand swearing. The reason i called there was to tell him to NEVER call here again as I have a son that could listen to that message.

My grandfather was fine before he went to the war....I truly beleive he had PTSD.

My mother watched my father die, slowly and painfully for 4 years...then 5 years ago just about lost her life twice in a car accident.......i truly beleive she has PTSD as well. Unfortunately my "couch diagnosis" is because i am a nurse and have been taught to assess, plan, implement, evaluate and document. A hard habit to break after 14 years.

Not dragging myself into it....I stuck up for myself and my sanity and I will not allow anyone to call here that way.....

also was having extreme anxiety......

 

[pandora]

My mother has not paid for a thing since I was 15. In fact when i was nursing full time, I gave her money and paid her alot to take care of my son. I don't beleive she should or has to do this, thankfully she is. I have supported myself and been on my own since 15...

 

[pandora]

I also stay home, avoid people and pretty much stay to myself to NOT have drama in my life. I was looking for support not someone to cut me up. so...I thought about it and we will have to agree to disagree.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Pandora

I haven't much time at present for the forum (was just moderating) and I scanned your last post....I have not read the whole thread.

It sounded like you needed a hug so here's sending you one :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Grama-Herc]

Pandora,

I must agree with Nicolette, you really do need a hug or even 2:Hug_emoticon: