Just Putting A Toe In The Water

[marsha]

I have looked at this site so often, and only just summoned up the courage to try and join.

I was the victim of an attack at work which has left me permanently disabled and in pain for the rest of my life. My psychologist has just started to introduce me to the idea that I have PTSD and it scares me!

I have never had any problems with mental health before, and this seems almost too much to take on, especially as I just cannot talk to anyone about it.

So, I am putting a toe in the water and saying hello. Hopefully nobody will bite the toe off!

Marsha

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hello Marsha

Welcome to the forum. Please be reassured that no one will bite your toes or anything else. I have found so much support from folks on here. I'm a carer, my husband has PTSD.
Before the forum I felt so isolated with nobody to talk to. Here people really understand and offer advice from personal experience. Gaining knowledge from books is one thing but being able to talk about our concerns is so valuable, even if we have different opinions, just getting it out there helps.
Well done for taking the first step.

LH

 

[amethist]

Hi Marsha

Welcome to a safe place for support, help and advice. No one bites here, just friendly people who are all connected with ptsd in one way or another.

I know there are other members on here who have been attacked themselves, so you will have understanding of your experiences. Others will also offer support along the way.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[Gloria]

Dear Marsha,

You help others by sharing so thank you for taking the first step. Welcome to the forum! You will have a place here where you can openly share your experiences. I found that knowing that I am not alone is very, very healing!

Thanks for joining us!

Gloria

 

[kers]

Welcome to the forum. Believe it or not, with some hard, careful work with your psychologist, you will eventually be able to talk about what happened. It will even lose much of its power over you. It's a hard road, but so worth it. And you've taken the first steps by reaching out to get treatment!

I think you'll like it here, the people are very helpful.

 

[suzie q]

Welcome Marsha!

Please know that you are in a safe place to share your questions and experiences. No one here will judge, you have a place now to process what is making you feel so confused and guilty. It helps to know that their are others that have gone through similar circumstances, and with their sharing, you will begin to feel so much better about your situation.

Accepting your PTSD will help you feel more comfortable and give you ways to gain tools to make your life,YOUR life. We all have "mental problems", nothing to be concerned about. Reading all the information on this forum will lead you to answers for finding the solutions YOU need. If you have read this forum in the past, you know that we are a large group of encouraging people from all over the world offering solutions to living positively and finding joy in our day to day matters and feelings.

Come share in the healing and know you are not alone or judged...suzie q

 

[Llama]

I completely understand how it can feel to go from being the kind of person who never checked anything on the doctors forms, to having to check one or multiples of. It made me feel like I was damaged goods. And damaged we may be, but that doesn't make us any less, and it certainly doesn't make us something to be tossed out. Just like a piece of solid wood furniture, we can be restored!

 

[Tessa]

Hi Marsha,

I have PTSD from an assault at work. I fought the diagnosis for awhile however now I accept it and try to work with it. This forum is the most helpful place I have found since my assault 5 years ago.

Take care
Tessa

 

[marsha]

Thank You So Much!

Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

Even 18 months on from the assault the PTSD seems to be building rather than fading, particularly as I am being subjected to Revisitation Imaginal Therapy at the moment. There are deep holes in my memory and the full story has not yet come to the fore, and, to be honest, I am quite scared to know that I might find out the full story if I continue along these lines.
I am on my own in this battle - the family want to try and understand, but I cannot tell them anything about the original attack (it was at work) or about how I feel now. There are expectations that it all should have been 'healed' by now - and I share in those expectations too. So I sit in my corner and have a weep and a rage whenever I can. Everything about the new, disabled me serves to remind me about the assault - had it not happened I would have gone on with my happy little life and continued to thrive. Instead, my husband has to help with all my personal care and my sense of individualit has been demolished.
The real need to 'get out' is so strong at the moment, and I look at ways of ending it, but don't even have the guts to take the final step!

That's me!
Thank you for letting me whinge - it seems so much easier with strangers to listen.

Marsha xx

 

[anni]

Hi,

It's an awful lot to handle, and for some reason it's easier, as you said, to get on here and 'whinge' to strangers. It's not whinging, though. You had a big nuclear bomb go off in your life and deserve the dignity of mourning the loss of who you saw yourself as pre-trauma. You'll find that on some level, because of shared expereinces, it's not a ton of complete strangers, either, which is part of what makes the forum so effective, I think.

It might be helpful for you to not think of PTSD as a mental illness. It is actually a brain trauma, and things in there have been rewired. You might be stigmatizing yourself, which would mean you're looking at yourself very harshly. That does tend to be typical here. :) 'We' tend to be really hard on ourselves, and it sounds like you need huge doses of kindness from all sides! Please believe you deserve it, too, along with whatever other sources of healing are available.

If you can, it really is very helpful for a lot of reason to be here while you're processing all this. Try not to read too many posts of other traumas at the moment which might make you a little frightened because you have to pace yourself. Maybe just come for the information, the support, kindness and understanding for now. You have an awful lot to deal with right now, but are taking the steps to heal, and it really will get better. Maybe it doesn't feel like that at the moment, but it will.

Please do take care. I hope you can keep coming here.

Anni

 

[marsha]

Food For Thought

Thank you for the excellent post Anni, and it stopped me and made me think. As a medical professional from Emergency Medicine, my experience has been that mental health is just a 'nuisance', something that makes people damage themselves. And now I find myself teetering on the brink of that very abyss and it scares me horribly. if my attacker had killed me, as she threatened, I would just be a place in a graveyard and there would be no pain.

Every time I move, or do anything, I find myself reminded of the original assault and the damage it has done. I can no longer practice medicine, and my teaching role is falling apart due to the physical demands of the paperwork. I think that is why I am in such trouble. It all stems from the PTSD (and I am lucky to have an excellent psychologist helping me on the recovery route) but it seems so deeply personal and so final. Getting away from the body is impossible, so reminders are always there, let alone the flashbacks and the nightmares. I hear that you tell me it will change, but it is hard to be convinced of that from where I stand at the moment.

So, where to go from here?

I normally have a really wicked sense of humour, but it seems to be hidden somewhere.

There.... straight from the heart .....I dare not read this back to myself - just want to say it. Thank you for reading.

Marsha x

 

[marsha]

As grammar seems more important than feelings - farewell