Just Started Dating A Vet With Ptsd. Tell Me Everything

[Kmama]

We just started dating recently and he seems like an amazing guy and like he really has his stuff together. He has been out of the military for almost 10 years now.
I want to know everything about ptsd so i go into this being knowledgable. I know that we need to talk about it bc its different for everyone but we havnt had a chance yet. All i know so far about him in particular is that loud noises and crowds are a trigger for him and he has night terrors. but like I said we havnt had time to go into detail about it. Im hoping that he will actually open up to me bc i want to know and i want to be supportive.
I know that he is very social so maybe that helps him thru it.

 

[Sighs]

Does he have a formal diagnosis of PTSD? Not everyone who served has it.

In the context of him opening up to you, what is it you want to know and why?

 

[The Albatross]

Lot's to read here (Tell me Everything). Welcome and study up.

 

[Kmama]

Does he have a formal diagnosis of PTSD? Not everyone who served has it.

In the context of him opening...

I want to know triggers, what is off limits to do and say, what he does in the case of a trigger happening, i want to know what i can do to help if im around when something happens or if he should just be left alone. Stuff like that. And i knkw alot of that is stuff i need to discuss personally with him but i thought perhaps i could get some insight on here.

 

[scout86]

A lot of that, you'll have to ask him. For example, triggers tend to be individual, depending on the trauma.

If you go to the home page, there's an article about the 'stress cup'. That's a very important concept and a good place to start. You'll probably find that good communication skills, on both sides, are a huge plus.

If I was going to offer one other piece of advice, out would be to avoid mind reading like the plague it is. If you want to know something, ask him.

 

[Sighs]

You didn't answer my first question - Has he been formally diagnosed with PTSD? It's very important not to rely on amatuer diagnoses. He may not have any actual mental disorder. He may have depression or anxiety or PTSD or some combination of the above. What you need to know varies depending on his circumstances,

 

[Kmama]

You didn't answer my first question - Has he been formally diagnosed with PTSD? It's very important not...

Yes he said he was diagnosed with it

 

[joeylittle]

PTSD Stress Cup
This article here: Post-Traumatic Stress DIsorder, will give you a good overview.
Link Removed
You might find this piece useful: Stressor vs. Trigger - What Is A Trigger?

...just for a few to start with.

There is also an area of the forum dedicated specifically to supporters, here.

 

[Gamera3000]

I would be patient and let him tell you in his own ways and time, but keep in mind he may never tell you anything at all. A long time ago I had a boyfriend who went through my stuff when I was at work. He said it was an effort to understand my "coldness." Needless to say we broke up and did not remain friends.

 

[Netsy]

I am so frightened to get into a relationship because I feel totally misunderstood let alone trying to communicate - its like far worse that bridgette jones. I have lived through war but am diagnosed with complex PTSD but understand a war a soldier and what life is all about for combat zones. I would love to be able to go out to dinner with a man who will sweep me off my feet, give me flowers, and allow me to eat as many chocolates I would like, and not tell me thats its fattening.. I dont want to be ashamed to show the FAT which I have put on because of medication so I find it hard to be intimate with anyone

My past consumes me like a curse. Most of my friends think that I am not into men... haha.... I would love to meet a man who has PTSD like me. I have met quite a few and they are always angry with their own issues,,, like me of course~! its no different at all

... so hey anyone out there who can give me advise... I want to meet someone who can walk the journey with me, allow me to wake up with a nightmare and not pamper me.. I sleep with 8 pillows upright as cant breath... its all crazy stuff...

I like my space and dont like being hugged as its triggers me off with my past. YET!!!!... OMG I would love a man who can hug me and say its okey !... what a mess I am !.. my companion is Lulu my little mutt who gives me all those things, but thats not what I want..I am pretty damn old now ... not a youngster anymore... cant give out tooo much detail.... so hey where can I find a companion who will love me for who I am... its like we are raised up to read Cinderella stories and life really is not like that... My Story ... is very complicated... My inspirations come from Mahamad Ali as he was a brilliant man. and Also the Dahli Lhama.... and of course who can forget Nelson Mandela. What beautiful people they were... I was born and raised in Africa and will never go back there ... Australia is my new home, and I love the safe zone I live in. I love my family who have always stood by me... Gosh and what more can I say except I have already got into the Easter eggs and a glass of red wine,, thats the crazy me !...thats what Complex PTSD does to me... thanks for reading my story

 

[holdenmonty]

My first question is how long have you known him and how long have you been dating? My best advice is to take it slow and don't bring all those questions to him at the same time. Maybe have a couple small discussions about his ptsd, because I know if somebody wanted to talk to me about everything at once would be way to much for me to handle.

It's kind of funny but it reminds me of the clip in the movie Shrek where Shrek says that he is like an onion, you have to peal back one layer at a time.

But also a lot of stuff does really depend on him. When I get into a situation that causes issues there really isn't anything that I have found that my wife can do to help. Well when it has happened the best thing is to get out of the situation that is causing it, and she helps me either get out of the situation or find a reason to leave the situation. For example a little while ago we were doing some grocery shopping and we were in the check out line and it was a little crowded then usual, and our two boys were acting up so my wife picked up on my frustration and recommended that I took the boys to the car while she checked out and would bring the stuff to the car.