Just To Say Why I'm Here...

[Jojo]

Hi,

I'm finding I need to look for answers to a problem I only just found out I had, I've always known I'm different and had a mad up/down emotional life - 2 break downs age 22/age 32 and 4 bouts of different counselling over the past 15yrs, which helped me to resolve some emotional abuse and family breakdown.

My current therapy is much more kick ass (CBT) and is really making me feel something, and for the first time in my life I have been able to feel my mood and assign thoughts to it....the thoughts aren't that great but at least i'm aware of what has been causing my depression/anxiety.

It has brought up some really difficult feelings and things I have never admitted to myself and more recently abuse that I didn't even know happened...or may be it didn't and my mind is playing tricks on me?

That's why I'm here; looking for answers to my worries...I don't want revenge I just want to know I'm not going mad.

Jojo
(p.s is this grammar ok/written to ok standard?)

 

[Heather]

I just want to know I'm not going mad.

You're not going "mad" . What you are feeling is perfectly understandable considering what you've been through. I don't think your mind is playing tricks on you. Who wants to believe such horrors? I know I don't. That's why I tend to want to dismiss what I remember as well.

Hang in there Jojo. You are NOT alone.

Hugs. Heather

 

[Jojo]

thanks Heather,

I feel very alone, noone to talk to except my therapist. I've been hanging in there all week only see her Wednesdays and i'm almost going under tonight.
jojo..x

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Jojo and welcome to the forum!

OK, I don't know you personally but I think highly unlikely that you are going mad! I believe this is a phase most of us have gone through, and I know I took a lot of convincing!

If you keep reading on here, you will soon realise that you are certainly not alone. This is just the beginning of your road to recovery. Just take your time & be gentle on yourself

Good luck with your therapy tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.

Regards
Lucy x

PS. I think your post is just fine!!

 

[Jojo]

Thank you. Lucy..x

 

[WonderingWhy]

Jojo,
Welcome and it's Wednesday!!!
I also think your feelings are also to be expected. It can be tough. The best we can do, is have faith we will heal and not give up. Then hold on and fight with all you have to get through. You can do it. You got through the abuse, so you can get through the healing!!!!!

 

[Jojo]

I got through possibly one of the hardest sessions of my life, maybe more to come but I feel ok...for now!

 

[Lucycat]

Very well done.

Therapy is definately hard work. But I am glad you are feeling ok now. Just don't be surprised if you feel very tired later today. My T always reminds me that we may be just sitting talking but my brain is being put through its paces, so needs a rest afterwards. I didn't really believe him at first.............

 

[Jojo]

Yeah, I'm knackered...made sure I took dog for a walk as soon as I got back cos knew I wouldn't have the energy for it once I'd sat down. I just wanna go to sleep after talking through tears for an hour but need to keep my sleep pattern regular...*big sigh*

I'm so grateful for this forum to just type...thanks for responding everyone..x

 

[Heather]

Jojo -

I can certainly relate to your exhaustion. Hang in there.