I did not plan to return. However, I have something to say that may be helpful since others have mentioned they've had the same trouble. I left because instead of just making it clear what I did wrong (I still do not know what those messages were trying to say exactly), they obfuscated whatever the problem was and went right to telling me how I was going to be kicked off, etc. Management has every right to do what they will, make whatever rules they want, and be as harsh and aggressive as they feel is suitable. It is clear who holds the power and the keys and I have no say in this.
However... It baffles me that on a site where people are by the very nature of PTSD and previous trauma very sensitive to bullying and aggressive behavior, you might want to be a bit less strident or authoritarian. Many of us take that as almost an assault. True, I doubt this is anything like the actual intent, but when you have been scarred, the scabs are thin, you tend to react to such things much sooner that a 'normal' person. I could understand if this was about inappropriate behavior or attempts to do damage, but it's obvious to me that my purpose here had nothing to do with such things and sending confusing notes with less confusing threats seems over the top. I grant my being over-sensitive to such things, but if anyone read what has transpired here my reaction and that of others should be understandable.
In my case, I reacted as expected. I was offended and the message I got was that I was not wanted on this forum. I got warning about things that made no sense to me, posts were deleted or altered. My thin skin was no proof against the threats in those warnings and I can't download videos so to me it was just a matter of time before I was booted permanently. I tend not to be where I believe I am not wanted and so my reaction was to decide to leave. It's one thing to have to lay out personal issues, hear difficult answers, bear with others who are also sensitive and occasionally difficult, and ride the emotional roller coaster dealing with what I actually came for, and another to have to deal with an additional layer of needless and confusing management pressures that do not contribute to the spirit or purpose of this kind of communication.
At the same time I discovered that I could not correct or edit any of my posts. Apparently they get locked down and although I am the author of my posts I have no access to them. This undermines my trust even more as it appears pretty heavy handed and unfriendly. That I can make no correction or edits feels like someone has stolen my thoughts and words and is holding them hostage.
So I will play by the rules. To the point where I feel that getting smacked in the back of the head is tolerable. I would hope that in future if management has something to say they might consider just a polite request rather than threats and confusing policy statements. I will also find out if what I've said is considered to be a legitimate effort to offer constructive criticism or just deleted and I am kicked off. It'll tell me all I need to know and whether I have any place here at all.
If nothing else perhaps after censoring this might be left intact: Thank you for your comments and encouragement. I hope you find the peace and trust that eludes me and that something in what I wrote here has been in some way helpful to even one other person. D. Mann
