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Karma

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Viosinger

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I get restless in my appearance sometimes. Especially as I begin, yet again, to try and lose weight. It makes me contemplate changing SOMETHING: dying my hair, getting a new piercing, or often contemplating a new tattoo (I only have one, but it's fun to think about). And today while scrolling through ideas for some small tattoo i could get soon with limited consequences, but without remorse, a happy and odd thought struck me:

The guy who raped me I had known for years. My church had an extensive youth program. While I was a member of the church, many of the attendees were simply community youth and teens who needed a safe place to do homework, watch movies, hang out, like him. He had graduated and become a volunteer by the time the incident with me happened. That's a whole other story... but he had been so proud of the program, so grateful and connected to the church for being this great influence in his life, that he had tattooed the name of the church (Messiah) in big, bold gothic letters down his side.

When I finally came forward a couple years later, I asked that he not be allowed around anymore. And the church agreed that if someone had been hurt in such a way, he wasn't someone they wanted around children. They kept it relatively quiet, saying that until the police investigation had been completed, they couldn't allow him on the premises (though, by the end, despite the police findings, they still asked him not to return because they thankfully believed me).

I am oddly comforted that years later, he most likely still bears a large tattoo of a place he's not allowed to return to because of his actions. It is my small victory that he lost something, at least.

Are there any other stories of results, consequences, etc that comfort you about people who've abused, assaulted, or victimized you?
 
God I wish. Most of the time I imagine them living way better lives than me, and it tears me up inside. It's like the anger is trying to explode out of me. I've seen evil prevail so often I'm starting wonder if being right, fair, and just are even virtues--what are they good for if the bad guys get away with it all the same? I'm trying to learn to stop ruminating on them and take responsibility for my own emotional state back into my own hands.
 
Karma. Hmmm. I never thought of it this way. I guess I considered it more along the lines of "you made your bed, now lie in it". One of my abusers is becoming very much alone. Her narcissism has pushed everyone away. I can't say that it makes me happy to know that she's alone. Actually, it makes me very sad. I suppose that years ago, it would have made me happy to see her suffer, but today it doesn't. I do fully believe in karma though.
 
His body lay for two weeks before he was found. Heard he had a slow, obviously lonely, death.....I imagine he lay in fear....least I like to think he did...karma!
 
I believed my first abuser went to jail. I clearly remember as an 8yr old being called to identify him, but in the end I didn't have to because he "confessed". My sibling also remembers me going, so my memory is corroborated.

About 6mths ago 30ish years after the above, followed up with that police station. There was no record. There was absutely nothing. I think he confessed to "flashing" type offense and got off Scott free with just a "warning".

I hope there is karma. But it's not visible for me.
 
Prostate cancer. My dad got it which I thought was karmic. He sexually abused me and later in life couldn't be sexually active. Cancer eventually took him when he was 69, also ironic, bastard is hopefully rotting in hell.
 
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