Keeping An Eye On The Door.

[Wyakin]

Or maybe I should say exit.

Wherever I am I have to be able to see any exits from the room. I can sit with my back to the door but I get very stressed when I do and find it hard to concentrate on anything until I can move to a position where I can see the exit.

Where I sit in my house I can see both my front door and the door off of my living room to my bedroom as well as the bathroom. I couldn't imagine sitting anywhere else. It is something people comment on.

I am even worse if someone stands in the door way or stands with their hand on the door handle. We have a half door to the animal kitchen at work and people will often lean on this while talking to whoever is inside preparing the animal feeds. I find it hard enough readying the food with my back to the door but when someone leans and holds the door shut I really struggle to keep focused enough to get the food right. I find myself rushing to finish up so that I can get out of there.

I do not get aggressive or shove passed them. My manager describes my reaction to anything I struggle with as folding myself up. I try to make myself very small, hunched shoulders, head down, no eye contact, finish what I am doing and leave. If I could be invisible I would be.

 

[open eyes]

I've had similar experiences as this, although mine were less intense I think. I would never have my back to the door; I always had too see the face of anyone who entered the room. I preferred doors to be closed so that if someone came in, I would be aware.

For me it was all related to hypervigilance. Although my traumas had nothing to do with doors or entering rooms, I did have my personal space violated & the need to see who was coming into the room was sort of symbolic of that.

 

[Wyakin]

I can see what you mean. I hadn't really linked it to hypervigilance. I just thought it was a strange habit of mine.

I also find it easier if the doors are shut. Every door makes a different sound an I can recognise which door people have used and for the most part work out who it is by listening to their footsteps.

Part of what happened to me I feel is because I didn't keep a close enough eye on my exits and who was around. I think this is my brain over compensating for that mistake.

 

[Jezanna]

This is so very common that my trauma therapist has his furniture carefully arranged so the patients chair faces the door . According to him most of his clients prefer this. I know I always know my exits', I'm always facing them if seated. And I try to never sit in a area I can't easily escape from. Your not alone.

 

[Saule]

I completely understand this. I think it's pretty common. I'm ok within my own home, but in public I always like to be facing the exit and have my back in a protected place where someone is less likely to sneak up behind me.

 

[Wyakin]

I had wondered how common it would be as it seems such a natural thing. I actually find it very strange that some people can happily sit with their backs to the door. I know that I take it to extremes but it seems like any animal that might be prey would be better off keeping one eye on the escape routes. I hope the place I am going to on Friday takes as much care about the setting arrangements @Jezanna but then they are a trauma centre so I guess they will probably be well prepared.