Knowing The Moment You Became Hopeless From Abuse

[recoveringfromptsd]

I have been able to figure out the exact moment I changed from a person who had some positive core values and beliefs to a person who had nothing but negative core values and beliefs and a feeling I can never be safe.

Has anybody else been able to identify the moment the abuse changed things in a way like something broke inside, or gave up.

 

[Muted]

Excellent question. Yes.

 

[Ronin]

Abuse didn't do that, to me.

Other things did.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

It turns out it was the staff rape I first talked about my first session with the abuse therapist. Having been betrayed by DSS social worker, and having had to deal with physical abuse and mental abuse, when I found that I had to just let it happen because fighting it, resisting it, complaining about it, and having no one I could tell because I had already told of the abuse multiple times only to be betrayed. That feeling of powerlessness, left me feeling like I had no worth, and not able to trust anyone.

It was after that avoidance started.

 

[Muted]

Mine was related to feeling of powerlessness too, when I realized there was no way out.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

From the moment of penetration is when my life fell apart for good. It was as if my soul was emptied and replaced with bad stuff. I want to cry, scream, kick, yell, get mad, you name it all at once sometimes when I think about it. In my mind was I such a bad person to be sent to these abusers.

 

[Friday]

Not from abuse, and I'd been dx'd with PTSD about a year prior, but I remember really clearly the day & the moment that I broke.

 

[Crow]

By degrees there are about six events - mostly spoken word - that stripped my resilience even after surviving years of abuse & neglect.

 

[joeylittle]

I remember, yes. Also not from abuse, per se.

 

[pixel]

I remember. It was sucha fragile moment in time, yet life altering.

Like a fresh blade of grass being bent.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

When I think about it now, I feel just as a non-person as I did then, to have my mind stripped little by little by physical and mental abuse, betrayed by those i go to for help, and having to submit to someone violating my body because I know resisting, complaining will get me more abuse, and there was no one I could go to for help.

 

[VioletButterfly]

It's taken many years of a variety of abuse at the hands of many different people, bad outcomes in life as an adult wherein I harmed myself, and more abuse at the hands of those who were supposed to care for me including therapists and doctors, so I guess it has happened in degrees. I have felt broken, incapable, hopeless, helpless, less than, bad/evil, overwhelmed, ready to end it as I believe "it" was ending me or had ended me already, etc... I still feel these feelings and have these thoughts depending on the day or the situation.

Take heart though, healing comes one day, one moment, at a time. I feel your pain and hope that you find what helps you move toward healing. We are all here to support you. VB