Lack of trust getting in the way of therapy

[Deleted member 36028]

How to even entre and move forward in therapy when your baseline trust of other is zero.

I have just left therapy after 2 years whilst finally realising I wasn't getting anywhere and I was stuck in circle of not sharing and withholding.

We spoke a bit about it in the last session and the T mentioned how they got frustrated. I am not sure how that was helpful. They also said they felt like they were doing all the work. Which I suppose considering I was giving little was partly true. This is inherit in all my experiences of disclosing- I can't. But equally I can't help but feel if I found someone I clicked with more it might break down some of the barriers.
Basically what have others done whose trust is so low it prevents basic progress in therapy.
Maybe I am not ready. But I am stuck in a cycle of low self-esteem and depression that doesn't quiet sink me but doesn't let me make progress.

 

[LoveTea]

I get what you mean about trust. I have had some pretty bad T's and it has made it even harder to trust my T now (who is really really good, and is super duper careful about my privacy). It may partially be not cliquing with your T, although your T shouldn't be your best friend, you should still like them and be comfortable enough with them to start opening up. To me, there is weird gray area between being ready to trust and being able to.

I like to write down or practice what I can't say in my head each week before going. Even if I don't say it that week, I feel like it gets me a little closer to getting there (also if you right it down and bail talking you can always show them). It's really really hard and uncomfortable at first and I am still trying to push past it myself, I hope that you can at point to!

 

[EveHarrington]

Baby steps.

You're going to have to push yourself beyond your comfort zone, no question about it.

If you can't/won't, even just a little bit, then stop therapy altogether and just accept that this is how your life is going to be.

Start by putting little things out there and seeing how your therapist responds. Hopefully it's in a positive way and then you can feel safe/secure in telling her bigger things. One baby step at a time, disclosing bigger and bigger things as you move forward.

 

[NightSky]

If it weren’t for email I would disclose very little. I don’t know if that’s an option for you. But usually I send one email between sessions and she pulls it up in session and we discuss it. It’s hard and awkward but so helpful. I click with mine though. When I was with one I didn’t feel an attachment to, I kept a lot more to myself.

 

[grit]

I just wrote a long email to another member who had difficulties with therapy process. Basic trust is needed for a therapy to progress and also basic trust is the first internalized part in the infant. The first mom's touch, breath, and hold is what creates the basic trust and it is possible your trauma started very early maybe even in the stomach; hence, your difficulties with the basic trust. I would again recommend a group therapy...for one you see others and how they deal with in action. you do not have to say anything if you are not ready. You can watch, listen, empathise and be there. Trust is not something you can just grap, it has to happen organically and if it did not happen with this T for 2yrs ...that T was not good. Sorry. A good T would have shown you other ways to relax you and give you strength to believe within you. Your T just repeated the same practice by the book for 2 yrs collecting your money and then had the kahunas to say she was doing the work....you should ask her what work? collecting your hear earned money....sorry I really despise professionals that blame the clients.

Maybe you are not a talker. Maybe you need more art or dance or breathing sessions to feel yourself and find the lock on trust in your gut! maybe the form of therapist she was offering was not what you needed and you have no trust issues but confused...who knows?

A professional therapist is honest and could have tackle this issue within the 6 months of meeting you...not two years. Incompetent!