Learned Helplessness

[Abrasky]

I think Learned helplessness and it being all twisted around in my brain might be one of the causes of my PTSD. I got a memory back yesterday of being 9 and being horriblly controlled and abused by my father all year. My mother was angry at me because dad was angry so she hated me and guilt tripped me all year when I was 9. I had no healthy relationships. I felt I had a way out of it (education) and started to achieve at school. But when I was 19 I think another violent incident brought out learned helplessness again. Anyone else experience a situation they felt they had no way out of?

 

[rjtransient]

All the time. I have no idea what a normal, happy life would look like or how I would get there. If something improves, it's only temporary. A fight with someone I trusted can send me back into depression for months. When I have the energy to focus on a goal and I get shot down again, it reinforces the feeling that nothing will ever change, so I stop putting effort into anything. If that's what you meant?

"No way out" says it all. Right now my psychotherapist believes there is no one good way out of my situation; it's a matter of surviving and trying to stay happy until better opportunities appear.

How do you break free of learned helplessness?

 

[Abrasky]

My psychologist has told me 7 months ago that that session where I got a memory back would break the success learned helplessness thing I have. I'm secretly hoping that I have again found another way out of this horrible experience of learned hopeless. Theres a way out, but for me it involved 10 years of intense councelling and a remembering really bad memories of feeling completely of having no options that have given me the shakes literally.

 

[shadowchaser]

I'm taking a break from remembering things. But I honestly think it's great that you are making progress. For all of us it's a long road. Just keep at it.

 

[Abrasky]

Gosh PTSD is a long road. yes. I would agree with that. I was taught for many years, progress can only be made if one in the family is sacrifised. My mother was 16, pregnant with me, with black and blue eyes from her 1st abusive partner when she caught a 6 hour train back to her mothers. Her mother told her to go back and wouldn't help her. I suppose after she was nearly killed by being beaten and ending up in hospital foa couple of weeks she learned that a mother who always had someone to sacrifice and learned helplessness just gets past down to the next generation. I'm glad I got over this one, just not right to pass it down to the next generation.

 

[shadowchaser]

Please explain what you mean by sacrificed?

 

[Abrasky]

Sacrifise is what I felt my role was in my family. Like in a family where you have 3 children all the children are all loved and given attention but 1, all are good but 1 who is constantly being treated like they are to blame for all the woes of the family or blamed for the domestic violence caused by a parent. A scapegoat/ is an unhealthy role in a dsyfuctional family. Everyone else is allowed to succeed, but that one has to forfeit their existance almost to allow everyone else to exist. I wonder if it's why sometimes in one family you only get one person with a mental illness, when the rest are really healthy. A bit like a tornado, picking up some bits to destroy and leaving others.

 

[shadowchaser]

Thank you for explaining this.

 

[DeadAlice]

I was my families Maze - the one all blame is placed upon for no reason other than i was quiet key is to know that they are dysfunctional and therefore every opinion they ever gave you is false, mud

I get these opinions in my head all the time but I have learned they are fake and am learning that if i go to the opposite it is closer to the truth than their lies
x

 

[Abrasky]

It is good not to practice not listen to the lies. I do it all the time. Going opposites is an interesting way to deal with it.
Clever idea. I might have to try that.
I got back more memories last night, they are significant memories as they were the 2nd half of the trauma I believed caused my PTSD. I remembered the trauma made me forget a whole person who I worked with when I was younger. This person was really old and had a very strong create instinct going. She created through work. I used to help light the copper by putting kindling, sticks and wood in there. She was trying to grow something, it wasn't a fire. She was attached to all my motivation to work. I lost all my memories of her during the trauma with my dad. I haven't worked more than a month since. I remembered what he said and I am not going to repeat it. But I also remembered that during the domestic violence like attack, I actually for once rebelled and dad said something, and I said no such and such is not true.
And dad who was already out of control almost totally lost it. He went outside and I thought he was going to get an axe to kill me with it. I waited to die, but it didn't happen.I was abandoned from the family instead. I wasn't welcome anymore, my mother isolated from me, my dad ostrasised me, called me a troublemaker. I was so upset I left the next morning to return to uni.
I keep hitting myself because I wanted this memories of this lady who had a good influence on my work life back. Her memories feel like sunshine. She created didn't destroy. It's like I had 2 people on my shoulders. One was her saying create create and the other was the devil (dad) saying destroy identity destroy.

 

[Abrasky]

oops I meant to say it is good to practice not listening to the lies. I do it all the time, but don't seem to achieve it.

 

[Heather]

My therapist and I talk about this. It's hard not to have learned helplessness when you're told repeatedly growing up that you can't do anything on your own over and over again. that I'll amount to nothing. And that if I were to try to move out that , "i'd never be able to make it on my own". What it boils down to is that i feel like nothing so i act that out in my day to day life.:( I have no job, nothing in savings, i get housing, food, and medical assistance from the state and if that's not learned helplessness I don't know what is.