Relationship Learning To Deal With My Boyfriend's Ptsd (hard Times)

[catlover26]

I'm so glad to know I'm not alone with this kind of problem. I am a High School student of the age o...

Step back for a minute. Think about what you have told us. If this were your best friend that told you this same story about getting choked etc. What would you tell her?

 

[RebelRoyale]

I'm now 16 since I was born in 2000 hence why my age matches up with the year 2016. And I feel that if I left he...he might spiral back into his depression and might try to kill himself again. I know...that would would blame myself if he did. And Yes I understand that it might seem like abuse...but he is not abusive...he just...over protective of me now....its like a dog with its bone....okay now that is a really bad way of putting it....*sweat drops*....um...its kinda like a father protecting his daughter....no.....that even worse...f*ck it lets pretend that those were never typed....-.-. He over protective of me because of my fears of being abandoned again and being bullied again to the point where I would start my old habit of cutting. And yes...you can go and call me Emo....but I'm a Gothic La dee da (a new type of goth). And he hasn't laid a finger like that on me ever since the time he had choked me. Hell he breaks down in tears when he suddenly remember out of the blue or when he sees the scar around my neck. That shows that he isn't abusive because if he was....Well let's just say that I would have been more injured than that.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Honey, if you were born in 2000, and your birthday is in July, you are 15. It's 2016, but it's only February. My daughter is your exact age down to the month.

What's the story here?

 

[catlover26]

The bottom line here is you are going to do what you want to do. Not really sure why you posted here. You had to have had some kind of idea what our reaction would be. Your life is yours and so are the consequences. Those will be hard lessons for you to learn but we can't tell you what to do because your mind is made up. Take care of yourself! You have to love yourself FIRST before you can love anyone else!!!

 

[Kaitlanab01]

I don't know what to do, so here it goes...my boyfriend and I have had a lot of history over the past couple of years. He's stationed in Korea at the moment, and won't be home for 3 months. I know the things he did overseas, he trusted me enough to tell me and I'm glad he felt like he could trust me. Our relationship has been amazing until about 2 weeks ago. He disappeared on me for three days and I found out he had been drinking constantly on his 4 day weekend. After that everything was okayish, until Valentine's Day when we talked on the phone. He feels shitty because he wants to put in the same effort he was a month ago, he just can't. He doesn't like doing what he loves that much anymore, like guitar, doesn't really want to talk to anyone. He told me the other night he doesn't want to, but thinks we should space out our talking so he can really have some time to get through this funk he has going on. Of course my feelings were hurt, I overreacted. He said that this isn't a break up at all, more of a "pause". He made it clear that I haven't done anything wrong and that everything will be alright, and he told me not to doubt him, and that we'll ride this thing out, and that we'd talk In a few days. But for some reason I'm still worried about us? I know him too well and I know if he wanted to break up with me, he would do it immediately. He doesn't dance around things, or sugarcoat things, he never has. Any advice would be helpful. I'm feeling sad because I haven't gotten to talk to him in 4 days. Sorry if I made this post too long, but I don't know where to turn.

 

[catlover26]

So I assume since you are here you think he has ptsd. I'm sure if you posted this again as an individual post you could get more responses but I will tell you what I think. From my experiences in the 2 yrs I have dated my Vet and what I have read on here it sounds like he is just wanting some time to go away and isolate himself. It is very hard and hard not to take it personal. But it sounds like he just wants a break and he would tell you if he wanted to end it.

My Vet is much older than me so he doesn't go away physically and disappear but mentally he will be depressed and get in more isolating moods. He still is more of an independent person and I get hurt because I don't feel like he needs me. But this seems also to be part of his coping mechanism.

This site has helped me tremendously to understand my Vet's behavior and I'm sure it will yours too. You are not alone. Many just like you are trying to endure this lonely feeling when they are isolating.

 

[Kaitlanab01]

So I assume since you are here you think he has ptsd. I'm sure if you posted this again as an individ...

I'm beginning to think you're right, he just wants that time to himself and I feel a lot better now because I've talked to him since then(yesterday) and he seemed like he actually wanted to talk to me and was even pretty sweet the whole time. He made sure to tell me that it's going to be alright and that he's trying, and I could tell talking to him that it's already helping him. It's just upsetting that I can't really do anything else to help him. But I've learned from that site that it's best to let him deal with it how he has to, in his own way.

 

[catlover26]

I'm beginning to think you're right, he just wants that time to himself and I feel a lot better now...

For me that is the hardest thing not being able to do anything to help my guy. He was an Alcoholic and beat that and Valium addiction but still deals with the aftermaths of Vietnam. War is hell but the aftermaths can be just as bad. But he does have his better times and I am just happy when he is like that. I have learned not to set my expectations high. Just take it all day by day and try to accept him the way he is.

 

[Shawseli]

i can understand what you are going through. I have 4 best friends who are cops -- yes 4. 2 with PTSD because of what they have seen over the years and the stress of the job. Lately one of them has withdrawn after being injured. She can't go back on shift so she is stuck doing meter maid and desk work. She's depressed and I can tell her PTSD has started to kick in more -- she doesn't text back or at all, her humour is gone, and she won't come over and visit anymore. It's so tough being on the outside and not being able to help. I try to send texts that are upbeat and when I see her I always ask how she is . It's all I can do. Any advice ? It's so hard to not hear from her anymore .. It's been about 7 months of this :(

 

[catlover26]

I am not an expert by any means but I can only tell you from my experience. With my relationship I just have to 'go with the flow'. My boyfriend doesn't want to go out anymore for various reasons so I try not to talk about it anymore. You can't really push them into doing things or go places because you think it will make them feel better. I use to suffer from depression and even if I could have been on a vacation on a gorgeous beach I would have been depressed. You can't escape it. It just takes time. Hopefully your 2 friends are getting counseling because there are counselors trained especially for cops to help deal with these kinds of situations. It takes a lot of time. My boyfriend because of his personality, past drinking and ptsd doesn't have any friends and not close to his brother. So I am the one that will stick by him and listen to him and that is what you can do. Just be there for them no matter how shitty a mood they are in or how negative they may act. Just be there for them and listen. That will be the best thing you can do for them to have a trusted, dependable friend.

She may not feel comfortable coming over to see you so go over to see her instead and take pizza or something so ya'll can eat in and watch a movie maybe.

 

[catlover26]

i can understand what you are going through. I have 4 best friends who are cops -- yes 4. 2 with PTSD because of what...

And I know 7 months may seem like a long time but it is not. Recovery from anything takes a long time. I divorced after 30 years of marriage and had to basically start my life over in a new city. The first year I was basically in shock functioning much like a robot just to get myself to work and do the things I had to do. Then suddenly it 'hit' me I was stuck and couldn't get on with my life. So your friend will realize these things in time. In her own time and hopefully seek help to guide her through it. I have been divorced almost 2 1/2 years and still go to counseling.

 

[Nesericasharic]

OMG! The same thing I'm going through with my bf right now.. And honestly, I don't know what to do? It freak me out... Felt so horrible dealing with it.. :(