Leaving After Therapy And Did

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am trying to figure out how to say this so that it makes sense. Sometimes after a particularly hard session or a session when other parts were out, I have a really difficult time leaving therapy. I have a part who will make sure to get me out of the building in a reasonable amount of time, but she can't drive and she knows not to drive. Since my therapy sessions are my therapist's last one of the day she often walks me out. It became part of our routine when it was dark out.

I am not consciously struggling to leave therapy, I think I am just too scared by what was talked about or too tired from the switching back and forth to other parts. Sometimes when this happens, I am able to come back rather quickly. Usually once we leave the building or once I am in my car. Other times my therapists ends up sitting in my car with my other part until I can come back. Sometimes this can take several tries.

Tonight it took about half an hour before I was present enough to drive. I left the office just fine. In the hallway a new part came out. Apparently she was having a flashback. While she was out another therapist in the building came in and the door slammed which brought out the part that got me to the car. I came to, but quickly went right back in. I came to again and my therapist left me so I could drive home. The next thing I knew, she was back again because apparently I had switched again. We drive the same way when we leave for the beginning of the trip and I didn't follow her so she came back.

Even though I apologized and my therapist said that it was alright and she wasn't mad, I get worried. I don't want to keep her longer. I wouldn't feel so bad if it was every once in a while that this happens, but lately it's been pretty frequent. I should probably ask my therapist for ways to help me stay grounded and present, but I am wondering if anyone else has ever experienced difficulty leaving sessions and also wondering if anyone has any suggestions.

 

[Powder]

I think I feel that the younger child parts don't want to leave and want her to take care of you. I can relate to that.

It helps me to say the name for the part I want to be in control. If I say the name, it makes it faster and more simple for that part to come back into control and help me do what I need to do. It is more empowering because you control the switch more.

Draw a picture of the part who helps you to drive and feel okay about leaving the therapist holding hands cooperatively with the little child or part that needs the therapist to stay with 'her' or 'him.' Take this picture with you to therapy and maybe have the T. keep it there to assist you or put it into your car laminated.

Ask the part that wants the T. to stay what s/he needs and try to ensure that need gets met during the allotted time. Give her a treat or toy to hold or special blanket or toy the T. keeps there to give that part when you feel she comes into control at the end of the session. Does she need a hug? Reassurance? Whatever she needs, try to find a way to meet her needs during therapy and then again when you get home.

Imagine the part that can drive giving the other part what she wants so they are friends, not in conflict.

I have had a similar problem with two aspects locked in conflict about GOING to an appointment. So I understand how you lose time while they duke it out. You can help by deciding things in advance and helping every part to feel okay with the decision, like it's fair.

Also, is there anyone who can drive you?

Hope this helps. Take care,

Muse

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I think I feel that the younger child parts don't want to leave and want her to take care of you. I can relate to that.
Also, is there anyone who can drive you?

I will have to keep all of that in mind when the younger one comes out. I don't know how old the one who gets me out the door is, but she hates people so she definitely doesn't want to stay. Perhaps she senses what other parts want though and knows they don't want to leave. Wish I knew how to unravel that mystery. It's still all very new to me.

I usually got to my appointments right after work so I am driving from there to work and then there to home. My therapist has even offered to drive me home before, but I don't want to be a burden to her or to my husband when we'd have to go back to get the car.

Thanks for the suggestions.

 

[Hope4Now]

You have a very caring therapist!
I understand this situation you're in quite well, as I usually need quite a bit of time to come back to some sense of myself, or at least one of my responsible manager parts before I can drive...often before I can even leave the building to get to my car.

I don't have any advice. Just empathy. I wanted you to know you're not alone in this.

What @Muse said is really helpful I think...it made me realize that this is exactly what is happening with me. My child part(s) don't want to leave him.

 

[Sally sue]

Once I had a scarf and I asked my T to wear/hold it during our session, and then it smelled like her for a couple days, and when I was having a hard time I would put it on :). She called it a "transition object" I think and said it was okay.

Just a thought :rolleyes:

 

[Powder]

I feel total compassion for you here. Isn't it wonderful that you can experience this now, this letting a trusted someone into the self's life experience to help? You are brave and strong to do it. It's hard sometimes. Parts of us don't want to go along with this; others don't want to leave and want the trusted person to not "abandon" us and leave us vulnerable and alone with ourselves.

Is it also hard to enjoy time alone for that young part? Could she or he select a new toy, such as a lego set, to play with and drink hot cocoa or cold punch when you get home, so that she feels like it's not bad to be alone? Maybe an older part has a hobby that can enjoy some alone time, such as gardening or baking cookies. I find it healing to find someone I like to do alone and then let the other child parts scared to be alone see that "we" can enjoy doing solitary things. Being alone can sometimes allow one freedom to enjoy part of life.

This might help the little ones who don't want the transference healing to be paused. Remember how little kids' concept of time is different. A week is a long time for them.

Maybe you can see if insurance could cover bi-weekly therapy. The younger part may feel better about this frequency, even though the adult you may see it as unnecessary.

I am also learning to live with conflicting agendas, and it seems to get easier as I accept all of it as "me" and try to silence or push away any thoughts or feelings as "wrong." This is a big trigger for me, being told I'm wrong. I think it hurts because it was self-inflicted for so long.

Take care, and hope this thinking is supportive and helpful to you today.

Muse

 

[KwanYingirl]

I sympathize completely. Many times, I have had to stay at my therapists waiting room before I could even think of driving a car. Those would be the sessions where I was 4-6, disconnected to me. I would end up in the fetal position for I don't know how long. He was very kind and patient with me. Over time it happens less and less.

My new trauma therapists asks me to put the girl in a papoose on my back and remind her that I am the adult, I am making the decisions, and she has to stay where I put her for her safety. It's been working pretty good for me. He does have to get me together if we had a triggering event during therapy. But he doesn't make me leave if I'm split.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Muse - I already have bi-weekly appointments with my therapist and we tried group for a couple of weeks, but that might be suspended for a little while.

I never thought about it being the young parts that were resistant. It makes sense though especially after the time I last wrote because they had been out. I mentioned that to my therapist yesterday when it happened again. I think we'll start brainstorming some ideas next time.

I don't have a lot of time alone, but I do have two young boys so sometimes if I can get them into coloring, one young part that likes coloring can join them.

I have a huge struggle with right-wrong thinking. It's held me back from learning many strategies that would help me because that would mean my current ways are "wrong". Logically I know that not everything has a right or a wrong, but I see everything that way. I don't know how to work through that.