Leaving For The Greater Good!

[vikingr12]

I have looked down the barrel of one of my shotguns many times. Even thought of where and when. But I visualized what happens when a shell hits the body and thought of many things I had done myself to cause it. And then there's the autopsy and what the doc would say. And the people crying in the hallway, my sister, my brother, even my ex-wife would probably be there.
Hurting me would be hurting them. I just could not do that even though I could convince myself that they would recover. I knew they would not. It would be a hurt they would carry with them forever.
So no matter how much it hurts me, I can't hurt them anymore. I don't want to hurt or cause pain to anyone anymore.
I just want to heal. It will take time but I will do it. Having someone with you, a wife, a girlfriend, a dog, helps a lot. And as they have said earlier, therapy with the right one, is really the best way to go. And often.
Keep that crisis line handy. They aren't always good at it but it's another voice that will listen. And crying is good. Not crying is not.

Oscar Mike means you have a place to go other than "here." When you take yourself out, the next place is open to question. It's not like another chapter in a book or a new AOR.

Hotel India Tango. Hang in there.

 

[robw]

Hi OM!

There'll come a time when you can recognise the beast rising. I've had these thoughts too, and many others, but I've learned, over many years, to think of them almost in the 'third person'. So as Sarg says, you can then take no action until you've got things a bit straighter, and then you feel 'jeez, I'm glad I didn't do or say that!'
Those people around you don't deserve to be hurt, and in my experience they might just turn out to be your greatest asset. And they'd probably really like to help too - although I know that's not always the case, sadly.
So my advice would be to try to do the opposite of what you suggest. Believe, unless you're told otherwise, that these people love you and want to help. They don't know, and probably can't fully understand, what's happened to you. But they just might like to try. So open up if you can. Strong and silent just makes this thing worse. In the end I spent most of a night spilling out the whole thing unplanned - feelings, anger, guilt. I described almost exactly what I'd done and experienced and how I felt about it. I'm sure it didn't sound too eloquent but I was amazed at the response. I was lucky, I guess. But I've since thought that if I cared about someone and wanted to help them when they needed it, the stark facts, no matter how unpleasant, might be better than a wall of silence.
So why not let them in there? At worst, they'll leave, but then you know where you are. At best, their understanding could forge a whole new understanding between you - and in my experience that's the road to a new and better place.

Good luck my friend, and all the very best.

 

[Jimmy1]

I don't think there is any relationship in the whole world where heated words are exchanged from time to time, let alone a relationship where one person or both have PTSD.

Leaving should be a last resort.

Communications is the key. You have to talk to your partner and see what they think. If they think you need some time apart, let them tell you. Don't bottle everything up or else it will just explode one day and you will end up with a restraining order against you.

I am by far no master on this subject with two divorces one via PTSD, but I have learned. And with the three years I have spent on this forum talking to people all over the world, I understand your pain.

Although it feels shitty, don't leave, try talking. Ask them how they feel, and they might surprise you by asking you how you feel.

Jimmy

 

[Sarg]

Oh, if I could only take back some of the things I've said or done, my life would be a whole lot easier.

Sarg

 

[Zipperhead]

Where's that rewind button?

 

[Sarg]

On the remote I lost last week.

Sarg