Leaving My Hubby

[nursenurse]

It's business. Hold out for what you are entitled to, you might be able to freeze said accounts, i don't know, but get a bank statement with whatever is in the accounts now. And get a lawyer.

 

[jjh29]

Well now today is the most stressful. He is full of threats today. I'm really down

 

[Abstract]

I think it normally does get worse before it gets better. Have you reported the assault to the police? I think it would be a good idea to do so. If you need to then you can get a restraining order. You don't have to accept threats from him. Hang in there.

 

[ms spock]

I think Abstract's idea of reporting the assault and the threats is a really good idea.

Barracking for you jjh29.

 

[nursenurse]

Reporting it means he doesn't get away with it, he is messing your life, remember that. DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. This is business, your business and you need to take care of it properly. Have you found a lawyer yet? Hit up a women's shelter for the info. You can take out a restraining order. The situation is hard, but you can and have to do it.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

The women's shelter is a good place to look. They can do a lot for you. Please take care.

 

[Abstract]

I agree with contacting a woman's shelter or organisation that deals with these things. They can advice about the financial aspects of these things too. In the UK one can get help from victims support too. You don't have to do this alone and yuo have a right to protection and support.

 

[jjh29]

He is threatening me that he is gonna take me to court to take the kids. I'm gonna look into a lawyer tomorrow. It worries me because he does make more money than me plus he said he would tell of my mental situation right now. Can they find me unfit because I'm in therapy for ptsd?

 

[nursenurse]

It doesn't matter, do not be afraid. Charge him with the assault, number 1. That will play into what kind of custody occurs, I'm pretty sure, at least from Canadian Law. He can blow it out his arse. Of course he's going to take you to court, he's huffing and puffing and brow beating you. Don't let him. Do everything legally possible to protect yourself including a trip to the cop shop. Remember, assault is never your fault, if that is what you are feeling. Have you been an unfit mom so far? No. Let him tell about your mental state, but beware he will exaggerate if he does. A good lawyer should be able to steer you through the ins and outs, and hopefully if the shelters suggest one, it would be someone who is expert in dealing with these big bad wolves.

 

[mamachick]

Good job. Absolutely no excuse. Domestic violence /spousal abuse is very insidious. You have increased your tolerence to his words and have had enough. When you start standing up for self, often the abuser steps it up to physical.

If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will hop right out.
If you put a frog in a pot of cool water and turn the flame on high, the frog will stay until its death.

Im glad you are safe. Dont look back and accept the help that you need right now. Lean on others until you are strong again. I applaud you.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Can they find me unfit because I'm in therapy for ptsd?

well, I'm in Australia, and I have an ex CPS worker as a case worker during my pregnancy, and from what I understand from her, if you are taking obvious steps to help yourself, then it will stand in your favor.

The fact that you also have a medical professional that you are seeing regularly, it will actually assist you, as you will have a stable and reliable backup to help you in court.

All the best.

 

[ms spock]

He is threatening me that he is gonna take me to court to take the kids. I'm gonna look into a lawyer tomorrow. It worries me because he does make more money than me plus he said he would tell of my mental situation right now. Can they find me unfit because I'm in therapy for ptsd?

He is being emotionally abusive and he is trying to scare you into thinking if you don't come back you will lose your children. It is hard when someone has been abusive to you to think rationally. I find fear hard to deal with, but logically and rationally if you work this through with your psychologist I believe you will see that this is part of his bullying abusive behaviours.

He is threatening you because he increased the abuse of you from verbal to physical and you jumped ship. So he is returning to his verbal abuse to continue his domination of you. If you can get into a women's shelter it will put you in a position to get quite a bit of back up and assistance. Or get a legal person. Or get some solid domestic violence advice from the appropriate groups in your area. Even joining a domestic violence support group could get you some ideas on how to manage the situation.

It is definitely a good idea to get a lawyer to understand the ins and outs of your situation.

Reporting the physical assault and contacting the domestic violence support officer, if they have one in your area, would be a good idea.

I don't know what country you are in but in Australia it actually seems to go more in your favour if you are seeing someone that shows you are working on yourself and can back up what you have been going through in court. I presume that you psychologist would know about the state of your relationship with your husband.

Take a deep breath and realise that this is not 1950 where having a mental illness like PTSD could mean you lose your children. It is 2013 and things have improved considerably since the 1950s.

So take a deep breath and ring your psychologist and see if you can get some type of emergency appointment. Ring a domestic violence hotline or crisis line and see what advice you can get through them.

In the long run, depending on your situation you can also ring the welfare and explain your situation and say you are willing to let him see the children but you want to know how to get supervised access to make sure the children are safe. You can ask them about how to go about this. But get advice from legal people and your psychologist before you go along that path.

In Australia it doesn't seem to make much difference at all how much money he earns. I don't know where you are but you can find out if it makes a difference. I doubt it would as women traditionally have a lot less money after a divorce.

There are lots of advice here that I have given you, and some of it might be helpful and some of it might not. Just take one day at a time. Write a list of what you have decided to do and tick it off as you go along.