Letting go?????

[blackemerald1]

I feel rejected, invalidated & just plain hurt when somebody, who is important, says 'get over it'.

I think they're trying to help me, it's a comment borne out of things they don't understand so well.
It's not helpful advice nor acknowledgement of the enormity of what changed my life forever. Actually the bigger the event that they are referring to, the worse it feels for me with their slap dash, coffee cup psychoanalytical band aid approach. :oops:
I think it's more like a slap in the face. Adding insult to injury.

I know mostly it's borne from either a complete disregard for my welfare; ignorance of the severity of the trauma event & perhaps immature coping methods within themselves.

I mean if they think they can 'just get over it' then of course, they are going to apply that to themselves & proffer it to others as a remedy?

Or, perhaps not. People are so good at giving out half baked advice, even therapists. :oops:

I think if you could 'just get over it'. You would. I've only met a few people that enjoy laboring around in their self-made crap. Most of us will, given half a chance, just get over it because we want to move forward.

Honestly @rosey - the therapist who is telling you to do that? Has missed the whole point of therapy and I'd be tempted to retort back at her that if it was that easy, you'd not be paying her to work out how to do exactly that. :wtf:

 

[pam4him]

Letting go is as much a process as accepting and owning. What I've learned is I have to forgive myself to let go. Not that I was in the wrong, but to forgive myself for whatever I am trying to own that is not mine. For instance, I didn't abuse me, yet I felt the guilt and I felt weak because of it. When I forgave myself for those feelings, they started to slip away. One thing that really helped was writing my a letter to "my younger self", kind of a "If I knew then what I know now" letter. Encourage the younger self, remind them it's not their fault, and so forth. It helped me move past some of those draining feelings, maybe it will help you as well. I would suggest talking this over with your therapist first, especially if you are still have flashbacks and nightmares. Those are usually signals your mind is still processing. Be gentle with yourself, you are so important and have a great purpose to fulfill. Prayers for peace and wisdom.

 

[RoseyViolet]

You can move on, you can "let go"... many times, and for many people though, it's when you are ready to move on or deciding to let it go. Moving forward even if you feel like you don't have all the answers in place can be a very therapeutic thing. What does moving forward look like? Its different for each person. For me, I simply decided I didn't want to live in a pit any longer of despair and I made a mental shift in my thinking. I decided I was ready.

Letting go of abuse that will perpetually harm me and cause all kinds of further health problems, for me, just wasn't what I wanted for my life. I had already endured way to much abuse, heartache and pain that I wasn't willing to stay in that pit any longer. I literally cried out to Jesus one night and said, "Jesus, if you are willing, I'm willing to let this go and give it all to you to handle because it's way to much for me to do on my own." Once I did that, slowly, very slowly as I was ready little by little I was set free from the memories, the anger the bitterness and the attack on my mental state of being of being tortured any longer. It came in the form of forgiveness. Forgiveness was key for letting go and moving on. I had to forgive myself, my abuser and everyone involved with the trauma I experienced in childhood. I did it, not as a thing I felt like someone was making me do but as something I had to do to experience healing and restoration.

I read a great book years and years ago, written by Joyce Meyers, called The Battlefield of the Mind. She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her father. She endured years of abuse while her mother turned a blind eye to the abuse happening within her own home. There is hope! You can find the book on Amazon, or anywhere books are sold. I pray you'll find peace in the midst of your storm today.

 

[LuckiLee]

This is coming from a long term supporter so feel free tell me to go F myself if I'm way off. ? When I think of the words "let it go", I think to let it wash over you. Not to accept the abuse and trauma, because this sh!t is unacceptable. But to accept that it changed your life and to accept those changes. Even embrace them occasionally.

My Veteran has had this disorder for decades and has only recently, in the past 5-7 years come to accept the changes and realize this is his life. The first 50 years obviously weren't the greatest so he is determined to make the rest of his life as beautiful as he can. He had a lot of wishes and dreams while he was serving. He wants to accomplish them. Even on his shit days. That's how he is trying to "let it go". To make his future, acceptable.

He has decided to let that part of his life go enough to see a future. That's what I think "letting it go" means. To see and embrace the future. He can't change the past but he can live the life he dreamed of even with ptsd.

I would never tell J or my friends/family to "let it go" or "get over it". If I did I would explain my meaning of my words. For a T to say this? Has me stumped. Might as well just say "ah, just forget about it". Meaningless, unhelpful and not worth $250 and hour. Imho. They need a new catch phrase.

So, you don't have let it go but it would be awesome if you could accept your new norm enough to embrace your future.

I hope this made some sense and didn't cause any upset.

 

[Movingforward10]

Well I have worked tirelessly on acceptance, own my story, sit with my emotions yet still as was, so letting go is where in this

I have no answers. I'd love to 'let go' as that sounds an emotional state of freedom from carrying all this heavy heavy burden round. It sounds bliss
I *think*, but have absolutely no idea, that 're-framing' things in our minds holds a lot of weight in 'letting go'. The truths that we have told ourselves (it's out fault. We should have done more. Something is wrong with us for it to have happened etc) need re-framing and perhaps with this new found sense of looking at the trauma we suffered, we transcend it and let go?
I'm clinging on to that belief right now anyway, as I have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Or: if 'letting go' is too abstract for you then simply don't use that phrase. Maybe talk to your T about that phrase and if there is a better word or phrase that helps you or resonates better. My T constantly checks with me about terminology and what words feel right to use.

Anyways, I have no clue about anything, am just treading water myself, but hope you find your path through all this.

 

[Rainman8772]

This is coming from a long term supporter so feel free tell me to go F myself if I'm way off. ? When I think of the words "let it go", I think to let it wash over you. Not to accept the abuse and trauma, because this sh!t is unacceptable. But to accept that it changed your life and to accept those changes. Even embrace them occasionally.

My Veteran has had this disorder for decades and has only recently, in the past 5-7 years come to accept the changes and realize this is his life. The first 50 years obviously weren't the greatest so he is determined to make the rest of his life as beautiful as he can. He had a lot of wishes and dreams while he was serving. He wants to accomplish them. Even on his shit days. That's how he is trying to "let it go". To make his future, acceptable.

He has decided to let that part of his life go enough to see a future. That's what I think "letting it go" means. To see and embrace the future. He can't change the past but he can live the life he dreamed of even with ptsd.

I would never tell J or my friends/family to "let it go" or "get over it". If I did I would explain my meaning of my words. For a T to say this? Has me stumped. Might as well just say "ah, just forget about it". Meaningless, unhelpful and not worth $250 and hour. Imho. They need a new catch phrase.

So, you don't have let it go but it would be awesome if you could accept your new norm enough to embrace your future.

I hope this made some sense and didn't cause any upset.

Well said. There really isn’t a way to let go but you can look on the other side of the trees to see the future. We do fall back down at times but have to stand back up and keep fighting.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

How I define successfully letting go of past trauma is being able to remember what happened to you and not have it bother you or affect you emotionally in any other way.

But that's just how I define it. That's only my opinion.