Lexapro And/or Zoloft Withdrawal?

[Freizeit711]

((note, I'm also a member of Social Anxiety Support and my original post is there))

I am 19 and have been taking SSRIs since I was 12 starting with Prozac. I had bad social anxiety that would make it difficult for me to breathe and unbeknownst to everyone else I was experiencing frequent psychotic episodes. I was abruptly and abusively taken off of it by my father when I was 13 and experienced my first bout of "Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome" (withdrawal). It included the brain zaps (which my mother had experienced before and called it radiohead), fatigue, and irritability. Dad didn't believe me when I relayed my symptoms. It passed after about a week and then one of the most traumatic experiences of my life led to me having to flee my dad's.

A year into living with mom (I was 14) my stress level was so high that my GERD gave me an esophageal spasm that felt like a heart attack while I was in school. EMTs come and electrocardiogram me and then I visit my PCP (a PA, not even an M.D). He prescribes me 10mg of Lexapro and the standard dose of Prilosec as well as another inhaler.

I lasted for two years on 10mg, until I had a massive psychotic break and was hospitalized for 8 days. In the hospital they doubled my dosage, which left me so fatigued that I slept for the greater part of several days. The fatigue passed, though, and I learned to take the Lexapro before bed so that I could function.

Fast forward to two months ago. The Lexapro loses its effectiveness and I become suicidal. I visit my doctor (not a psychiatrist) and he prescribes me Zoloft after tapering down from Lexapro. I was to taper up from 25mg to 50mg to 75mg and finally ending at 100mg over the course of a week. I get off the Lexapro faster than he suggested and onto the full dose of Zoloft before ramping up fully like I was supposed to. I am doubtful it would be much different if I had listened, though. After two weeks at full dose the Zoloft stops cutting the highs and lows off and severs my ability to feel entirely. No libido, no interest in anything, no hunger.

I finally decide after another week that I can't do this anymore and "taper" (half of half every day for 4 days) myself off of the Zoloft. No zaps until a day after I've stopped. Then, like a landslide, the other symptoms hit me. Body-wide exacerbation of my existing nerve pain, fatigue, dizziness, constant diarrhea, strange dreams (nightmares, too), and emotional instability. A week into the withdrawal I contemplate suicide. Another week into it I begin banging my head against things to make it stop. My psychologist begs me to see a psychiatrist, but given their proclivity for prescribing pills, I'm scared. The fear of suicide is the only thing pushing me towards seeing a psych.

Today I opened my Facebook to learn that my step-brother (who was abusive to me and even tried to kill me once) got accepted to his dream art school. I walked out into the rain and screamed...

I need to know that this will end... I constantly wonder if I should be hospitalized, but then I remember that if I am I will be made to take more pills. That is terrifying because Zoloft was like poison to me. I am also so so so angry at the companies that hide the withdrawal symptoms and severity and the doctors that abet and profit with them. When I think of how many people are being prescribed these drugs unnecessarily (I understand that these drugs do help many people, but this doesn't invalidate my experience) it drives me stark raving mad.

 

[TeaLeaf]

It sounds like you are going through such an awful time, I'm sorry you are suffering.

Since you have been on medication for so long, maybe the taper that you went through wasn't long enough? It takes time for your body to adjust to the absence of SSRI's in the system so maybe go to the psychiatrist and see what he has to say about possible medication? I really understand your reluctance to take medication, I basically will only take medication if I am having constant suicidal thoughts that I start to feel like I can't fight or it is impossible for me to go to work and function at a degree to keep my job. I recently had to restart a low dose of lexapro which was disappointing for me but honestly it would be more disappointing to continue to refuse to take medication and then kill myself because I can't take it.

Only you can decide what is right for you and I am not going to tell you that you or anyone else has to take medication. Consider though, what if it gets worse and you end up in the hospital? Maybe more medication would be pushed on you than it would be now?

If you are interested, perhaps look into non medication treatments for anxiety and depression. Yoga, acupuncture, meditation, mindfulness, exercise, sleep hygiene, omega 3 fats, diet changes and light therapy all have research that shows effectiveness for anxiety and depression.

I hope things get better for you, I have been at the point of a near breakdown many times before and can tell you that it does get better.

 

[Freizeit711]

Thank you for your kind reply. I have been taking Vitamin D (which I was deficient in according to my last blood panel), Omega 3, and then my birth control and daily ibuprofen as well as and making healthy diet changes and meditating. I'm considering 5htp as well. I'm scheduled to see a psychiatrist who my psychologist recommends in just over a week. I am obstinate against having more medication until I am through the woods with this withdrawal.

I really don't want to be hospitalized... I've already been there before and I'm not ready to lose my freedom, too.

I'm sorry your experiences have been difficult, too. I wish the best for your recovery and overall health. :hug:

 

[joeylittle]

I finally decide after another week that I can't do this anymore and "taper" (half of half every day for 4 days) myself off of the Zoloft.

That's very fast, I'm sorry to tell you. So if it helps, know that you didn't really taper. Zoloft is generally a three to four week discontinuation, if I recall correctly. I think if you can weather it, and you really don't want to be using zoloft, and I am not a doctor, you could hang in there another week; the general rule of thumb is to give yourself a full month (if you are safe to do so) before evaluating where you are at. So, when you are tapering over a four week schedule, the hope is that you have a much less traumatic discontinuation.

The half-life of zoloft is short, about a day - meaning it clears your system quickly. What doesn't happen quickly is your body dealing with the seratonin fluctuation, so that is (basically) what you are experiencing.

I'm really sorry - it's hard. You need to keep yourself safe. If you begin feeling like you can't control your impulses, I'm sorry but the best thing for you to do would be to go into a hospital. But if you can keep breathing, stay distracted, stay focused on things gradually calming down, you'll likely be OK. And I am not a doctor - none of us are.

The return of your symptoms is a separate pain, and try and keep track of those as well. You were started on some very, very strong meds. If you decided to try medication again, I'd shop around for a psych you really trust.

 

[Freizeit711]

I learned after I discontinued that I hadn't tapered correctly... My logic was hinging on the fact that I had only been on Zoloft for 2.5-3 weeks, not taking into account the years of Lexapro just before.

I know that some of my options are unappealing but could turn out to be necessary... I'm just determined to get better. I don't want to take any risks with it but know they might be necessary. I'll be getting a psychiatrist's opinion in a week, so I just need to hang in there. My biggest focus will be on preventing self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and easing the symptomatic pain.

I'm not sure, however, that my sympoms are indicative of a return of my underlying conditions. I think it's more like the withdrawal is creating pain that layers over my preexisting pain.

I appreciate your advice, though! :)