Lie Detector Test Experiences?

[lisamarie]

Hi everyone,

I've been posting like crazy on here recently....just going crazy myself. Ugh. :(

I confronted my stepfather regarding sexual abuse that I feel occurred as a child. Of course everything is being twisted around on me. Denial all the way around. Fine. I expected that. But its making me feel like I'm nuts, like maybe I'm mis-remembering? I'm so confused. One moment I can IMAGINE it happening, the next, its so blurry.

My mother is taking my stepfather for a lie detector test today. I have read so many mixed reviews on lie detectors and also I know someone personally who's nephew was sexually molested and who the abuser PASSED the lie detector test.

I am praying that he fails it because, in my own sanity, it will help me believe that what I've known my whole life is true.

Has anyone had any experiences with lie detector tests? I'm going nuts here. :cry:

 

[Loner]

The results don't matter. You know the truth. They will never admit it. I mean, are you going to be there for the tests? I read your other thread. With all due respect, why are you even in touch with these people any more? Cutting off all contact with my parents gave me a LOT of clarity. Just what you say about doubting your own memory and what you know is true, that is an effect of them continuing to manipulate you and invalidate everything you say. Do you really believe your mom cares about you? What do you gain by keeping her in your life? It sounds like she is just invalidating everything you say.

 

[a3a2]

I think Loner makes some pretty good points here. Even if you can't cut off all contact with your mom, I have found it really very helpful to take l-o-n-g breaks from the her and the bag of guilt she is forever trying to get me to carry.

I, of course, cannot say whether or not you were sexually abused, but I can tell you I KNOW I was, and I CAN'T remember all the details. For much of the memories of my childhood, it is like seeing through a thick curtain. I am fortunate to have several siblings to reinforce my story. I can see why it would be frustrating to not have that benefit. But ask yourself this...why would I have made this up? Do the symptoms I am experiencing reinforce that I was sexually abused?

 

[lisamarie]

I, of course, cannot say whether or not you were sexually abused, but I can tell you I KNOW I was, and I CAN'T remember all the details. For much of the memories of my childhood, it is like seeing through a thick curtain. I am fortunate to have several siblings to reinforce my story. I can see why it would be frustrating to not have that benefit. But ask yourself this...why would I have made this up? Do the symptoms I am experiencing reinforce that I was sexually abused?

I honestly speak to my mother out of obligation. Because of her constant guilt trips and so on. I love my mother but I don't like her, if that makes sense.

I don't know WHY I would have made this up. And it isn't like I was in therapy and someone suggested to me that I was molested. This is a memory I had my whole entire life. The symptoms I have DO reinforce that I was sexually molested. My PTSD has become much worse since the abusive relationship I was in, but the fact is that four years ago, before that relationship began, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I wet the bed until I was in my early teens, I had blood in my urine/a urinary tract infection as a kid. I sexually acted out with other children. I just FEEL crazy because, like you said, it is like seeing things through a thick curtain. It makes me feel nuts.

Thank you so much for the feedback. I would be crazier if I didn't have this site and the people on it, LOL.

 

[p-no]

I agree with Loner saying the results don't matter. Seeing the state you're currently in (from what you can tell from following what's been going on recently), I am quite sure that no matter what the outcome, you will have a hard time dealing with it, even if positive (= he fails).

Also, there can be a third outcome which is: no results. This is not equal to "passed", but really saying that his test could not be read, interpreted.

So, I think it may be a lot more helpful for you to work on the topic of believing yourself or finding your own proof (it's not like I had any proof as in black on white), rather than trying to control a situation you can not possibly control. As you suggest yourself, he might even pass the test and still be guilty.

All I know is from all I read from you, you have never once said: I think/believe/there is a chance/etc. he did not do it.

From experience, it may be all about keeping your head above water for now for some time. I wish you all the very best for this, I know it can be real tough, but it's worth it.

 

[lisamarie]

Thank you for the feedback. I have definitely been searching for proof. From many sources. I have contacted so many people who I might have told as a child.....its been hard for me but it needs to be done. I found another childhood friend (who I also need to make amends to for acting out sexually with as a child) and I want to ask her if she remembers anything strange going on in my house, or if I told her about it.

Its probably pretty unlikely that I am going to be able to corroborate stuff that happened almost thirty years ago anyway.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Forgive my ignorance, as I realize that my situation is a bit different from yours. I just want to say right out that I don't intend to step on your toes!

I am curious as to why your mother feels a need to have your step-father take a lie detector test. This says to me that she doesn't believe her own daughter, despite the fact that you had symptoms of SOMETHING going on as a child. If the test comes back negative, is she going to rub it in your face and call you a liar? If the test comes back positive will she divorce her husband or will she say "those tests aren't reliable anyway because they can't be used in court!"

You want to know what MY proof was? (Please, don't laugh, I'm dead serious!) It was the episode of SVU where Oivia's brother was being framed for a crime he didn't commit, rape I believe. Blah, blah, blah, the story line doesn't really matter, but the one line Olivia spoke does. She said something along the lines of how normal people don't freak out in sexual situations, and how this sort of behavior is a sign of past sexual trauma. It hit me like a ton of bricks, no doubt from there on forward that being molested as a child had a serious effect on me. No downplaying it to something that it wasn't.

My point is that YOU know it's real. Who gives a flying monkey what other people say? Not everyone is going to believe you. I hope you work on the bigger issue of breaking away from your mother and stop this need to please her. (I do the same thing, but I'm setting up boundaries that were never there before.)

And I considered doing the same thing, contacting my GOOD babysitter because she was the close to me at the age that I was molested by the BAD babysitter. But what if she says she noticed nothing? That's just more ammo for my crazy negative thought ruminations, something I DON'T need!

I encourage you to work on letting go of this need for external validation. The truth is that you may never get it. And even if you do, it won't mean a pile of beans when compared to your internal validation.