Life changes and fear

[SeekingAfrica]

Hi everyone! I was just trying to find some more tips. I've done a lot to change my life for the better in the last 2 years but there is still a lot to do... But how do I change if I'm paralyzed with fear? I keep getting to certain roadblocks and completely freezing... well, I'm getting a bit better. Still managing some things even when feeling like this.

But still, this feeling is really slowing the process. This feeling that I won't manage the next roadblock. I managed 3 huge things last month, 2 of which last week, and still hardly even had time to acknowledge that I've done anything at all. Now there are 2 more roadblocks coming next week and the dread I have for dealing with them is paralyzing. This morning I kept doing things in a haze and I need a lot more effort to do anything, and I manage 1/3 of what I was planning, because it takes so much effort.

How do I turn my life around if I keep...I don't know... stopping myself, freaking out, dreading things...

 

[Deleted member 47099]

So I don't really have any "how to" advice for you...

But I can tell you something that happened to me.

In my mid-to-late 30s something changed in my head.

I'd always been scared/ cautious/ over-cautious/ hypervigilant/ anxious/ a what-if thinker...

And somehow, at that age, my brain decided "this is ridiculous".

I realised that trauma had eaten the first half of my life.

And that if I kept going down this road, I would allow trauma to eat the 2nd half of my life too, and then I'd have had no life at all.

So I figured, I had nothing to lose.

Either I start being brave and taking (calculated) risks and start making choices for me, for my life, for good stuff...

Or the whole trauma-wrecked-my-life thing continues.

And I just started taking good, wise, brave risks.

And it's totally paid off :)

Totally been worth it :)

But I know that's not a "how to" thing...

I think I had to be "ready" for this to happen.

I don't think I could've done it 10 or 5 years earlier.

It was just "time" if that makes sense?

 

[blackemerald1]

It was just "time" if that makes sense?

Makes sense to me.

@SeekingAfrica - I've got no how to remedy either. Maybe just keep doing what you are doing and building on the success you have had?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

It was just "time" if that makes sense?

It makes sense. I've been working hard for a year, and there has been changes, but there are some things that take me time to get ready for. I will be 30 in a few months and I guess I thought I would be a lot better by now. No one wants to accept that things that time in this century, right?

I'll try to keep doing what I'm doing and slowly pushing more changes through. I hope it pays off. I think if I had taken my time and persisted with changes 6 months ago, instead of only acting on immediate problems, I would have been in a waaay better place. My choices in the last months have gotten me where I am and there isn't much I can do to change that. Maybe I just have to accept that these weeks will pass somehow. And to take action based on asking myself where do I want to be months or a year from now. And how do I get there.

And hopefully, things get better in time.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I guess "taking a risk" is also about being okay with *both* outcomes.

Taking a risk means we can achieve our goals, which is great.

But risks also mean that we could fail, with what we are trying.

Maybe if you find true inner self-compassion that failing would be okay too... That you wouldn't be harsh on yourself. That it wouldn't be a disaster. That you'd find some way to cope...

Maybe being okay with the option of it going wrong, would be like a safety net, allowing you to reach further and fly higher, because you'd be less scared of falling?

 

[Starfire]

We are going thru similar events. So easier said than done. This is what I have been told.. Prepare. Don't jump in...my usual choice. Minimize & prioritise. Say NO to anything that can wait until afterwards. Plan recovery time. Sounds so easy!!!!!!! Not!

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Minimize & prioritise.

That's a great point. Radically minimize and prioritise.

My PTSD brain gets caught up in so much "must do" stuff... but if I radically minimise it to what really HAS to get done, usually that's far, far less than what I was actually trying to do.