Life

[Movingforward10]

But after going through what I went through I can not + WILL NOT AGREE!
What I experienced will not let me. And really I just want to be heard and I'm starting to want to get really LOUD.

I’m intrigued about what’s stopping you from peering around this opinion you have and seeing it from another angle? Because I see healing for you if you’re able to do that. What’s stopping you from thinking “what if there is another way.” What do you lose from opening up the possibility of another thought or opinion?

feelings can kill? That certainly was my fear when I opened pandoras box in my 40s and finally sought therapy for everything. It certainly felt deadly when feelings came and I had zero ability to manage them. It certainly felt f*cking horrendous. But the feelings didn’t kill me as the actions I took, (or didn’t take) meant I am Here.
and I have now learnt about feelings. And am less scared of them, more able to process them etc.which means I no longer see them as deadly. Which is healthy and healing.

 

[Teal]

I think she might be challenging you to see if you benefit from the idea of not giving negative feelings any power

 

[_-yeah_nah-_]

If you’re hoping to feel validated, you should state that. If your trying to see if anyone else has experienced it, you should’ve stated that at the beginning.

If you were hoping the masses would just agree with you, your in the wrong forum.

If your just trying to get your thoughts out into the world and don’t want other people’s comments, most of us use the members only section trauma diaries.

Also there isn’t a messaging feature on this site.

There is always a better way to do things.
I still believe my way would bring out the true believer of this idea, and that is who I'm looking for, I know they are out there.

I wasn't looking for mass agreements, I'm looking for 1.

Thankyou I'll check out the trauma diaries.
Yeh lol re the msg feature thanks I get that now.

I think she might be challenging you to see if you benefit from the idea of not giving negative feelings any power

I get that I'm not giving them power, I am simply stating what they did to me. I don't expect you to understand. When I mean feelings I mean the raw unfiltered emotions at its maximum, emotions that move you physically. Now somewhere in those range of emotions is a level I believe you can actually die (emotionally) I know that sounds weird, but from that point I wasn't me any more, I was someone else.
Now correct me if I'm wrong if you go to sleep and you never wake up, you are basically dead.
Well this was kinda like this. Now I'm sure I'll get alot of grief saying this.
From my experience it actually feels like I died twice emotionally. Now what I am convinced is sometimes you don't come back. What dies? You as in what makes you, you is dead. Because if you don't wake up and whoever is driving the bus remains that's it you are not coming back. Emotions killed you.

 

[Movingforward10]

I get that I'm not giving them power, I am simply stating what they did to me. I don't expect you to understand. When I mean feelings I mean the raw unfiltered emotions at its maximum, emotions that move you physically. Now somewhere in those range of emotions is a level I believe you can actually die (emotionally) I know that sounds weird, but from that point I wasn't me any more, I was someone else.
Now correct me if I'm wrong if you go to sleep and you never wake up, you are basically dead.
Well this was kinda like this. Now I'm sure I'll get alot of grief saying this.
From my experience it actually feels like I died twice emotionally. Now what I am convinced is sometimes you don't come back. What dies? You as in what makes you, you is dead. Because if you don't wake up and whoever is driving the bus remains that's it you are not coming back. Emotions killed you.

Have you read ‘healing the fragmented parts of trauma survivors’? As I hear What you are saying similar to that.
you’re talking to a lot of trauma survivors here. We all relate to overwhelm of feelings. We’ve all been there.
you are also talking to various people with various diagnoses that split parts off. Some reachable. Some seemingly not reachable.
sounds like you are saying part of you died. And that part is no longer reachable for you. Which brings me back to the book I mentioned.

 

[Rose White]

From my experience it actually feels like I died

I think we are now getting to the meat of what you are saying. “Feeels like I died” is not the same as actually dying. Actually dying is a scientific event in which opinion is irrelevant.

And this

split parts off. Some reachable. Some seemingly not reachable.
sounds like you are saying part of you died. And that part is no longer reachable for you.

Is relevant. Because there are plenty of people here who have had a part of them do something like what you describe doing.

And there are plenty of people here who have had something like a psychotic break where they feel completely divorced from reality and may as well be in an afterlife.

There are also people here who have been in comas or dissociative episodes which lasted for weeks or months where they have no memories of life, which could be interpreted as feeling like they died.

There are lots of ways people dealing with trauma check out of their body-mind.

 

[Teal]

I get that I'm not giving them power, I am simply stating what they did to me. I don't expect you to understand. When I mean feelings I mean the raw unfiltered emotions at its maximum, emotions that move you physically. Now somewhere in those range of emotions is a level I believe you can actually die (emotionally) I know that sounds weird, but from that point I wasn't me any more, I was someone else.
Now correct me if I'm wrong if you go to sleep and you never wake up, you are basically dead.
Well this was kinda like this. Now I'm sure I'll get alot of grief saying this.
From my experience it actually feels like I died twice emotionally. Now what I am convinced is sometimes you don't come back. What dies? You as in what makes you, you is dead. Because if you don't wake up and whoever is driving the bus remains that's it you are not coming back. Emotions killed you.

It sounds like what she said has really affected you and I’m sure you do feel misunderstood - especially since the post doesn’t seem to be received the way you might of expected.

I think I can resonate with the idea of having emotions so strong they kill your spirit or change a part of you that feels permanent. Especially when I was diagnosed with BPD - my out of control emotions ruled everything.

You sound passionate about this topic and it seems you feel like you’re not being listened to or considered in it. I think many people would relate to what you’re describing and would appreciate both your perspective and your therapist’s perspective.

 

[Friday]

From my experience it actually feels like I died twice emotionally.

And this right here, is the source of the pushback you’re receiving.

- Feeling like you’ve died
- Major personality shift following a pivotal event OR series of events

Are going to be pretty durn common amongst trauma peeps…

…AS IS the importance of reality checking, not mistaking feelings as facts, challenging cognitive distortions, working with triggers & stressors, etc.

The pushback isn’t because people don’t understand, it’s because they do, all too well.

 

[Movingforward10]

The pushback isn’t because people don’t understand, it’s because they do, all too well.

Yep.
This isn't a room full of people who don't know.

 

[_-yeah_nah-_]

I

You are still alive, so your experiences are not "100% proof" that an emotion can kill someone. You felt pain, and suffered, and probably wanted to die - but you did not actually drop dead. It's a bit like the Princess Bride. Almost dead isn't dead. ("There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive.") We know that you aren't dead, since you are still here, speaking to us.

What is it that you are looking to gain out of these interactions with people? Do you just want someone to agree with you that an emotion is "100% deadly" even though there is absolutely no scientific evidence that this is true? Or are you looking for someone to validate that your experiences were painful, and made you suicidal? Because that can be done, and hopefully that is a message you are hearing from others.

But there's no real purpose to getting into what amounts to a semantic argument about non-scientific phenomena. Mental health shit is rife with people confusing their experiences and their opinions for facts. Which makes it all the harder to suss out what is helpful and what is harmful - especially when we throw impairments of logical deduction into the mix - such as those involved in psychosis.

Insisting on this isn't going to help you, and ultimately, it will cause a breakdown of stability and harm. If you're convinced that having emotions can cause death, you will not interact with emotions in a healthy manner, which will increase your suffering in the long-term even if it provides benefit (by way of acting out internal compulsions to avoid emotional sensations, which will momentarily reduce anxiety) in the short.

Re your question what do I want? I guess I also really want someone to understand what I mean, and what I went through. The silver lining, If we can find someway to help others, surely there is some lessons to be learnt from it. I really don't want to go to hell twice for nothing.

Have you read ‘healing the fragmented parts of trauma survivors’? As I hear What you are saying similar to that.
you’re talking to a lot of trauma survivors here. We all relate to overwhelm of feelings. We’ve all been there.
you are also talking to various people with various diagnoses that split parts off. Some reachable. Some seemingly not reachable.
sounds like you are saying part of you died. And that part is no longer reachable for you. Which brings me back to the book I mentioned.

No I haven't read it thankyou I will check it out.
Everyone please know I mean no disrespect to any one here. I know every trauma is different, while every person is also different. People can go through the same experience physically, yet it effects them completely differently.
Everyone needs to run their own path. Hopefully, they get there.

What I am saying which I obviously should have been clearer on to start with was.
I believe emotions/feelings at its most primal/RAW level when felt its possible to feel something so strongly that you die as a result of it. Now when I say die, let be clear here. You have your physical body and it's life, pulse or no pulse dead/alive. Then you have your psychological/emotional entity all things that make you, you.(life) And I believe that the psychological/emotional life can be killed. Now weather that means the physical body dies as well, it might but it also might not. But that actually is irrelevant. I am saying your psychological/emotional life can be killed by extreme felt emotions like 300/10.
Now in my case yes I am here thankfully.
But I actually think I got lucky. From my experience I could see how you don't come back. Which is why, I make my point that emotions/feelings, felt at the most extreme level can kill.

 

[_-yeah_nah-_]

No I haven't read it thankyou I will check it out.
Everyone please know I mean no disrespect to any one here. I know every trauma is different, while every person is also different. People can go through the same experience physically, yet it effects them completely differently.
Everyone needs to run their own path. Hopefully, they get there.

What I am saying which I obviously should have been clearer on to start with was.
I believe emotions/feelings at its most primal/RAW level when felt its possible to feel something so strongly that you die as a result of it. Now when I say die, let be clear here. You have your physical body and it's life, pulse or no pulse dead/alive. Then you have your psychological/emotional entity all things that make you, you.(life) And I believe that the psychological/emotional life can be killed. Now weather that means the physical body dies as well, it might but it also might not. But that actually is irrelevant. I am saying your psychological/emotional life can be killed by extreme felt emotions like 300/10.
Now in my case yes I am here thankfully.
But I actually think I got lucky. From my experience I could see how you don't come back. Which is why, I make my point that emotions/feelings, felt at the most extreme level can kill.

*Can kill your psychological/emotional life

 

[Weemie]

I am saying your psychological/emotional life can be killed by extreme felt emotions like 300/10.

What does it mean to "be killed by," in this statement? To be killed is to cease the physiological process of life, so by definition, it's not possible to be "psychologically" killed, if being killed is physiological event, right? Are you speaking metaphorically? (Because when asked this earlier, you adamantly denied that was the case - but now you seem more receptive to this analysis.)

What does the metaphor actually entail? What were your actual experiences during this event? Were you unconscious/comatose/catatonic etc? Do you have amnesia and thus have no memory recall for a certain portion of your life? It is possible, though rare, to experience events that cause you to lose your mind, and to go crazy. I've experienced this in its transient state and I have witnessed it occur in others in its permanent state.

This can be a transient or permanent consequence of psychological trauma. Your life as you know it is over, but that doesn't mean your body is dead. It sounds like you are saying that it's possible for emotions to cause a person to lose their mind, which is possible. What is not possible, is that said emotions are actually deadly. Losing your mind means losing a good portion of who you are/were, but people go crazy all the time. They're still alive, they are just crazy.

As a person with dementia or degenerative brain disease is still alive, even though their cognitive capacity is greatly reduced, so too is the person who goes insane as a result of their trauma. Just as often, though, someone who loses their mind can come back to themselves with the passage of time or intensive therapy/treatment. Unlike Alzheimer's, such a state is not guaranteed to be permanent. I have also witnessed this.

And it seems that this is in line with your experiences, since you are now able to form coherent thought and engage in conversation.

 

[_-yeah_nah-_]

I think we are now getting to the meat of what you are saying. “Feeels like I died” is not the same as actually dying. Actually dying is a scientific event in which opinion is irrelevant.

And this

Is relevant. Because there are plenty of people here who have had a part of them do something like what you describe doing.

And there are plenty of people here who have had something like a psychotic break where they feel completely divorced from reality and may as well be in an afterlife.

There are also people here who have been in comas or dissociative episodes which lasted for weeks or months where they have no memories of life, which could be interpreted as feeling like they died.

There are lots of ways people dealing with trauma check out of their body-mind.

Yep I had a slip up in words while trying to describe how it feels to someone. good pick up.

As per my other comments,
Extreme felt emotions/feelings can kill your psychological/emotional life

And I mean no disrespect to any of them, I'm simply spitting out my experience.
Hoping to find some clarity with others who experienced this.

No I haven't read it thankyou I will check it out.
Everyone please know I mean no disrespect to any one here. I know every trauma is different, while every person is also different. People can go through the same experience physically, yet it effects them completely differently.
Everyone needs to run their own path. Hopefully, they get there.

What I am saying which I obviously should have been clearer on to start with was.
I believe emotions/feelings at its most primal/RAW level when felt its possible to feel something so strongly that you die as a result of it. Now when I say die, let be clear here. You have your physical body and it's life, pulse or no pulse dead/alive. Then you have your psychological/emotional entity all things that make you, you.(life) And I believe that the psychological/emotional life can be killed. Now weather that means the physical body dies as well, it might but it also might not. But that actually is irrelevant. I am saying your psychological/emotional life can be killed by extreme felt emotions like 300/10.
Now in my case yes I am here thankfully.
But I actually think I got lucky. From my experience I could see how you don't come back. Which is why, I make my point that emotions/feelings, felt at the most extreme level can kill.

So I have been have a think how better to describe this as I'm still not getting it.
So by psychological/emotional life I mean someones self-identity. And it's possible to lose your self-identity permanently from experiencing an extreme felt raw emotion.
I luckily had a temporary event twice. But I saw it, I saw how you don't come back.
And that is what I am trying to share.