I saw him it was the bestOMG I'm gonna cry, I get to see him today.
Know an amazing person who is loved very much - yet this recipient of this love freaked out because they were not sure if they FELT the love and the FEELINGS expressed toward them were real or imagined.Hmm, okay, but that's a) not really PTSD related, I think and b) sounds more like it has to do with psychosis, and a quite extreme subset of that, or maybe c) something like autism where signals are not being processed by your brain in the "usual" way. And that means you're dealing with the extremes of things, that 99.9 % of normal life's stuff (including the more run of the mill mental health issues) won't be affected by.
I guess by that definition, yes, it's possible for a feeling (however we would define that on a brain chemistry level) to lead to an outcome where the person experiencing that state dies as a result...
But I'm not sure it's very helpful. It's like arguing about "Is it possible to die by having a meteorite land on your head while you are eating strawberry icecream and humming a Beatle's song?" I guess by the extreme definition, yes this is possible, but in terms of real life, it's basically an irrelevant issue that in 99.9% of cases should be discounted as unrealistic and unhelpful.
As for your personal experience of it - I'm sorry you've gone through it. It sounds like an incredibly rare, incredibly distressing experience.
I'm not sure how to work on that in therapy... How to accept and integrate that it's been a part of your life.
But as challenging as it may be to figure out how to come to peace with that experience and finding a way of processing it, I think it's really your best bet.
Finding people - even finding therapists who have any experience in this kind of area is probably difficult. I'd guess a therapist specialised in psychosis would be most likely to "get it".
^^^ I think I rarely notice if I feel hungry, learned not to cry, and unless genuine mostly smile when I don't feel happy. A requirement, or a personal glitch, or just a fact there's too much going on including ptsd-related to live properly in the moment. And being used to hiding how I felt. especially if it was badly. Often times yes it was ptsd-related. I think it's a weird mix because I had some faith by nature too. My negative connotations or the blame came most usually back to myself.We feel hungry - so we eat.
We feel sad- so we cry.
We feel elated and excited - so we smile.
^^^ I like this. I understand something about myself with ghosting, which I never saw as a bad thing or meant disrespectfully (I once listened to a couple of the podcasts of 'why' to try to make sense of myself and they spoke authoritatively but didn't resonate with me at all). I never wanted to hurt good people by my presence or be an obstacle or a burden. I think I understand it takes 2 things to stay for me: asking honestly if I should, and being told honestly if I should or shouldn't. If either one of those is absent (which includes me facing the perceived reality) I do not stay. But if I am told I should stay equally I am more loyal than most. I rely on feedback because I can't trust I am not a burden. Not with my history/ what words I've heard (which lead to feelings and beliefs I need to challenge a lot) and not with ptsd in the mix and awareness of my own defects. But too, that has taken decades to progress to that point. I used to just feel like a potential dumb bomb. And I still rely on it being an open choice. That is, others can choose to change their mind. Perhaps because sometimes I've had no choice. I never want others to feel that way, or suffer/ be burdened because of me.Is the feeling of love real? Yes.
Is the feeling of doubt real ? Yes.