Link between CSA & over / undereating

[Teasel]

So I'm defo in the overeating camp. I was an undereater for a few years in my teens untill I went temporarily blind but other than that, since the CSA started all my life pretty much I've tended to overeating.

It's not always as extreme as it has been at times. I remember it was terrible as a kid. From age 9 and I can remember the first time I wanted to overeat with the same kind of emotional quality I recognise as common to me now.

Not just a "that tastes good, I'd like some more" kind of quality. Rather more a compulsion that I felt guilt and shame about.

And I very quickly came to overeat more n more and got very big very quickly.

When the CSA stopped I went the other way to fairly extreme overeating and lost all the weight. Until as I daily I temporarily went blind whilst out n about and that scared me enough to stop it.

Anyway, recently I've wanted to lose a bit of wright so I font get diabetes. My Dr referred me to a programme to help me do that. But rather than helping me lose weight, it seems to have set off a big bout of compulsive eating.

I recognise that at times the thought of not having enough food has set off such a reaction.

And I know quite a few times I've heard that normal methods of losing wright don't necessarily help those who've had a history of CSA.

So I guess I wondered about everyone here. If you've had similar problems, over or undereating. And what kinds of situations make it better or worse?

Ta for any input.
(Though I confess to having no interest in being told off about it.)

 

[Teamwork]

I tend to under eat and have many food avoidances. But to me in what I’m doing I recognize my sense of control over food. It is the one thing I control, what goes into the body. For me that is really telling how I feel about being forced to comply with things that were in the past aversive. Now it’s just food that is aversive so I control it. this doesn’t sound like I’m explaining it well. But I am the opposite in that i rarely overeat, rarely say oh that looks good or that smells good. I don’t typically understand how people enjoy food so much. It drives me nuts to have to eat, so I prefer it is done and over with quickly, to achieve that I nutri bullet a jug of food and drink a glass two to three times a day. That allows me to have it done and over with. This is a big honest share as I don’t tend to discuss it.

 

[Teasel]

Thank you for sharing :) it's uncomfortable to talk about isn't it, is for me anyway.

Understand that for you it's kinda the opposite issue. I wonder, if something happens to make you think you should ear more, or if someone is saying you should eat more, or putting even a little pressure on you... does it make you want to restrict what you eat even more than normal?

Like for me, pressure from self or others can have me feeling even more compulsion to eat...

 

[Teamwork]

Thank you for sharing :) it's uncomfortable to talk about isn't it, is for me anyway.

Understand that for you it's kinda the opposite issue. I wonder, if something happens to make you think you should ear more, or if someone is saying you should eat more, or putting even a little pressure on you... does it make you want to restrict what you eat even more than normal?

Like for me, pressure from self or others can have me feeling even more compulsion to eat...

No I think I have the compulsion to not eat. I get really upset if I eat something and my daughter says anything, like I thought you said you didnt want any, then I put it back. The reaction is really strong. Same goes if she asks for something I’m eating then I give her the whole thing and dont eat it myself. She pretty much doesnt ask anymore as she hated my response.

 

[piratelady]

But rather than helping me lose weight, it seems to have set off a big bout of compulsive eating.

I tend towards over eating as well. I’ve lost weight a few times but then I sabotage it. I definitely notice that the quality and quantity of what I eat changes as I get more emotional. I go straight for the rich sweet foods and eat a lot of it!

I wish I could stop. Every time I don’t eat perfectly I beat myself up a lot. It’s kind of a vicious cycle.

And I know quite a few times I've heard that normal methods of losing wright don't necessarily help those who've had a history of CSA.

this makes me wonder what someone with a history of csa would do then

 

[Ronin]

Normalizing my food issues as just a thing, no big deal, honestly.

The other day not so long ago, I puked out water again, after a year of being done with that particular trigger / just a sec of a taste was all the wrong, and shadows looked like a different bathroom. Buddy very gently tapped my back with some Its that year again, huh? // which was absolutely brilliant thing to say. Enough to thank him by scowling. Not that year, again.

Instead the But you soo could eat X for yeeears, you dont eat enooough, eugh, who even eats that, :shifty: :meh: :bawling: is so utter bullshit.

I need to lol at it, and then file it as normal and forget about it.

& pressure to eat is a no go with me. I hunger strike at that. Or, just other strike. Just to prove the point to myself who I listen to, and not. Still havent found a good enough workarounds around that, other than loyalty (those Im loyal to rate having any say in vital decisions, like food.)

... Oh, true, also babies. Figuring out kitchen, diet, this goes with that disorder, age, and squicks, is so something else if Im doing it for kids, or someone with kids who is wondering.

So teal deer, either necessity, or comfort zones / making the thing mine, again.

 

[Teasel]

So I've noticed a lot lately that I'll find myself avoiding people or posts on here where I've opened up a bit about something - not completely sure what the link is in the type of situations but there is fear and feeling bad about myself.

So I came here to apologise for that - because I'm feeling bad about myself.

I recognise there is some past shit in that and that maybe I dont need to feel bad about myself but anyway.

Maybe it's just anxiety based avoidance, and the more you aboud the bigger a thing it seems.

I tend towards over eating as well. I’ve lost weight a few times but then I sabotage it. I definitely notice that the quality and quantity of what I eat changes as I get more emotional. I go straight for the rich sweet foods and eat a lot of it!

I wish I could stop. Every time I don’t eat perfectly I beat myself up a lot. It’s kind of a vicious cycle.

Relate so much to this. Thank you for posting. I dont know how to fix it either. It does maybe seem sometimes though if I say I can eat anything I want, then the urger to over eat calms down. I defo sabotage when I realise I'm getting slim, or get male attention.

Buddy very gently tapped my back with some Its that year again, huh? // which was absolutely brilliant thing to say.

It is isn't it :) totally get how cool a response that is - s/he just gets it.

& pressure to eat is a no go with me. I hunger strike at that. Or, just other strike. Just to prove the point to myself who I listen to, and not. Still havent found a good enough workarounds around that,

I'm the same in reverse, pressure to eat less doesn't work for me at all.

making the thing mine, again.

Yeah, I like this. :)

 

[Changing4Best]

I was a severe undereater as a child, I was "skinny as a rail."
Then there was a time, about a decade or so, when I was at a normal weight.
Then I got prescribed a bunch of medicines that cause weight gain.
And I am now about 60 pounds overweight.

I have been the recipient of CSA and an adult rape.

 

[flowerapple]

From age 9 and I can remember the first time I wanted to overeat with the same kind of emotional quality I recognise as common to me now.

Not just a "that tastes good, I'd like some more" kind of quality. Rather more a compulsion that I felt guilt and shame about.

I think that it's probably good if you could figure out why it is that you are overeating to begin with. I know you said it's since your CSA, but like what do you think made you turn to food, as opposed to something else. What is it that food does for you in helping you to deal with how you are feeling in the moment? Knowing the reason why could probably help in solving your problem.

For example, like it could be a way to deal with your emotional state, because simple carbs like sugar, helps make us feel good because the sugar, in a way gives you a high, it gives you an energy boost, lifting your mood with it. But, eventually the sugar runs out and you crash, and you not only go back to your depressed state, the shame, etc., but it might even worsen. So, then you turn to more simple carbs to give you that boost again, but then the same crash happens sometime after. So you end up in this cycle where your body is craving the carbs, as an attempt to regulate your mood, but it's only temporary, and in the end you go back to being dysregulated. So then you might want to look for healthy alternatives to food that can also lift your mood, and maybe even lift it for a longer period of time. Or, you could try eating healthy sugars. I'm not a dietician, but maybe like instead of cake for example, eat a fruit, or eat some complex carbs like bread or pasta, which will work similar to the simple sugar but better because it will last longer in your body and sustain you longer, and not make you crash after, plus its more filling so you might end up eating less.

Maybe you binge eat to hide your body, the thought process being that if you change your appearance from that of when your trauma occurred, then you change yourself from being a target in the future. So it's almost like a defense mechanism or something like that, I think. So then maybe therapy would be a good place to start if that's the reason. I don't know which type of therapy would be the one to help for that though.

Those aren't the only reasons there for why people struggling with binge eating, nor is the solution to the example I gave the only solution. It might be possible that you have more than one reasons too behind your binge eating. But I just feel it may be helpful if you knew.

 

[Teasel]

I'll think on it thanks :)