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anthony
Founder
Oh my god, this was piss funny Wendy. Thank you so much. I loved the woman who wound the window up, then locked the door.
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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd
- Post starter anthony
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Virgin Daughters
A Mother had three virgin daughters..
They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started,
she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few
words on how marital sex felt.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
1) The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop".
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
2) The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and
the card read: "Rothmans".
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from
the pack:
"Extra Long. King Size"
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
3) The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a
week, nothing.
Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card
finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the
worst, and finally found the ad for South African Airways.
The ad said: "TEN TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS."
Mom fainted!
A Mother had three virgin daughters..
They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started,
she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few
words on how marital sex felt.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
1) The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop".
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
2) The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and
the card read: "Rothmans".
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from
the pack:
"Extra Long. King Size"
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
3) The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a
week, nothing.
Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card
finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the
worst, and finally found the ad for South African Airways.
The ad said: "TEN TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS."
Mom fainted!
Anger Management Works
This is kind of long, but worth the read.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Bill.
Could I please speak with Robyn?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f*** ing
number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole !' and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling
would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is Joe Smith from the telephone
company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' and
hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some
guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I'd call the BMW asshole too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is..'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow
rambler, and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had
a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah.'
He screamed, ' Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler,
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.
Then I called Asshole No. 2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole .'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34
Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill
me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. In Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in
time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management works
This is kind of long, but worth the read.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Bill.
Could I please speak with Robyn?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f*** ing
number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole !' and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling
would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is Joe Smith from the telephone
company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' and
hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some
guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I'd call the BMW asshole too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is..'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow
rambler, and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had
a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called Asshole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah.'
He screamed, ' Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler,
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.
Then I called Asshole No. 2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole .'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34
Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill
me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. In Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in
time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of
six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management works
amethist
VIP Member
Hi Mayhem
The first is laugh out loud funny, the second is definitely "you never did" did you. :rofl:
The picture I get is of a guy lent on his hood smoking, saying to others watching, " I never would have though I would see this in our neighbourhood " complete with sly grin.
You didn't did you lol.
Keep them coming I love your jokes. :thumbs-up
Amethist
The first is laugh out loud funny, the second is definitely "you never did" did you. :rofl:
The picture I get is of a guy lent on his hood smoking, saying to others watching, " I never would have though I would see this in our neighbourhood " complete with sly grin.
You didn't did you lol.
Keep them coming I love your jokes. :thumbs-up
Amethist
- Moderator
- #449
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
amethist
VIP Member
My bed is near the door.
I would have used the bucket, it never crossed my mind to pull the plug as I was reading it. :doh:
Amethist
I would have used the bucket, it never crossed my mind to pull the plug as I was reading it. :doh:
Amethist
This Ends Now
Platinum Member
Rules Of The Fridge
Posted
As per paragraph 12 section 3 of the rental agreement.
Rules of the Fridge:
1. This refrigerator (Hereforto referred as "The Fridge") is the property of Sterling Woods Property Management group. Any damage to The Fridge will result in a fine, penalty, or loss of deposit.
2. A copy of the rules of The Fridge must be posted in a visible place, somewhere on the Fridge at all times.
3. The Frige may not be painted any psychadelic or neon colors, nor in any patterns deemed innapropriate by the Sterling Woods Community Group.
4. The Fridge may not be used to store illegal substances or paraphenelia, with the exception of weed which is considered an herb, not a drug.
5. The Fridge is subject to search by the authorities at any time as deemed necessary by The Sterling Woods Fridge Preservation Group.
6. No profanity is allowed inside or in the near vicinity of The Fridge. The terms "I'm fat", "this food is fattening", and all references to body weight is considered the most severe form of profanity.
7. No gambling is allowed inside the fridge, or about the contents of the Fridge.
8. No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. (excepting attractive women whom may be serviced by the fridge sans shirt).
9. No dancing in or on the Fridge.
10. No Urine or Feces may be stored in the Fridge, unless it is for Drug Testing purposes, and then only if the Drug Testing is done by someone who is an upstanding citizen and not someone named "Big Mike", "Baggy", or "Skeeter".
11. Absolutely no Playa Hatin' within 10 feet of the Fridge.
12. Balla Blocking is only permitted within 10 feet of the Fridge with proper permits acquired from the Sterling Woods Balla Blocking Committee.
13. No Un-American activity will be tolerated in The Fridge.
14. No resident may stare blankly into the fridge for periods in excess of 30 minutes only to conclude that there is nothing to eat.
15. No guests may stare longingly into the fridge for periods in excess of 5 minutes.
16. No Frontin' is allowed within 10 feet of The Fridge.
17. Taking my last diet soda from the Fridge is considered a FELONY and perpetrators may be subject to proper penalty up to and including castration.
18. Any food that contains mold, mildew, or insects and has been in the Fridge for longer than 30 days will be confiscated and properly disposed of.
19. No items in the fridge are to be used to prepare any item that is vile beyond comprehension. Examples include but are not limited to "sugar and grits" and "peanut butter and garlic sandwiches".
20. Attractive women are welcome to cool themselves off in front of the fridge at any time. All others are prohibited from this activity.
21. Make your own darn food.
22. If you drop ice from the freezer onto the floor, you will be forgiven. If you take all the ice cubes except one without refilling the tray, your freezer rights will be suspended.
23. There must be between 3 and 30 magnets on the fridge at all times. All fridge magnets must either contain valuable information (such as the phone number to pizza delivery service) or be strong enough to hold up a standard sized piece of paper.
24. Any and all weapons stored on top of the fridge must first be checked in by Sterling Woods Fridge Preservation Group. All approved weapons must be stored in such a way as the blade or barrel is facing AWAY from those who wish to use the Fridge. If the weapon is a loaded firearm, the safety must be on at all times.
25. No Un-American propaganda may be displayed in or on the Fridge.
26. No unopened mail, empty containers, or car keys may be stored in the Fridge.
27. You may not refer to the Fridge as "the Icebox". If you are uncomfortable with the term "the Fridge" you may refer to it as "Mr. Perry".
28. Absolutely no fake gold may be worn within 10 feet of the Fridge during Flossin Season.
29. All ice cream, cake, potato chips and other snacks have already had the calories removed, please do not imply otherwise.
30. All leftovers will be considered community property after a period of 48 hours. Complaints about missing leftovers must be filed with the garbage can.
These rules have been brought to you by Rudy E. and amended by Liz H. of the Sterling Woods Anti-Unamerican Activities Leage. Don't perpetrate like you don't know, or I may have to Rise Up and Represent!
Posted
As per paragraph 12 section 3 of the rental agreement.
Rules of the Fridge:
1. This refrigerator (Hereforto referred as "The Fridge") is the property of Sterling Woods Property Management group. Any damage to The Fridge will result in a fine, penalty, or loss of deposit.
2. A copy of the rules of The Fridge must be posted in a visible place, somewhere on the Fridge at all times.
3. The Frige may not be painted any psychadelic or neon colors, nor in any patterns deemed innapropriate by the Sterling Woods Community Group.
4. The Fridge may not be used to store illegal substances or paraphenelia, with the exception of weed which is considered an herb, not a drug.
5. The Fridge is subject to search by the authorities at any time as deemed necessary by The Sterling Woods Fridge Preservation Group.
6. No profanity is allowed inside or in the near vicinity of The Fridge. The terms "I'm fat", "this food is fattening", and all references to body weight is considered the most severe form of profanity.
7. No gambling is allowed inside the fridge, or about the contents of the Fridge.
8. No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. (excepting attractive women whom may be serviced by the fridge sans shirt).
9. No dancing in or on the Fridge.
10. No Urine or Feces may be stored in the Fridge, unless it is for Drug Testing purposes, and then only if the Drug Testing is done by someone who is an upstanding citizen and not someone named "Big Mike", "Baggy", or "Skeeter".
11. Absolutely no Playa Hatin' within 10 feet of the Fridge.
12. Balla Blocking is only permitted within 10 feet of the Fridge with proper permits acquired from the Sterling Woods Balla Blocking Committee.
13. No Un-American activity will be tolerated in The Fridge.
14. No resident may stare blankly into the fridge for periods in excess of 30 minutes only to conclude that there is nothing to eat.
15. No guests may stare longingly into the fridge for periods in excess of 5 minutes.
16. No Frontin' is allowed within 10 feet of The Fridge.
17. Taking my last diet soda from the Fridge is considered a FELONY and perpetrators may be subject to proper penalty up to and including castration.
18. Any food that contains mold, mildew, or insects and has been in the Fridge for longer than 30 days will be confiscated and properly disposed of.
19. No items in the fridge are to be used to prepare any item that is vile beyond comprehension. Examples include but are not limited to "sugar and grits" and "peanut butter and garlic sandwiches".
20. Attractive women are welcome to cool themselves off in front of the fridge at any time. All others are prohibited from this activity.
21. Make your own darn food.
22. If you drop ice from the freezer onto the floor, you will be forgiven. If you take all the ice cubes except one without refilling the tray, your freezer rights will be suspended.
23. There must be between 3 and 30 magnets on the fridge at all times. All fridge magnets must either contain valuable information (such as the phone number to pizza delivery service) or be strong enough to hold up a standard sized piece of paper.
24. Any and all weapons stored on top of the fridge must first be checked in by Sterling Woods Fridge Preservation Group. All approved weapons must be stored in such a way as the blade or barrel is facing AWAY from those who wish to use the Fridge. If the weapon is a loaded firearm, the safety must be on at all times.
25. No Un-American propaganda may be displayed in or on the Fridge.
26. No unopened mail, empty containers, or car keys may be stored in the Fridge.
27. You may not refer to the Fridge as "the Icebox". If you are uncomfortable with the term "the Fridge" you may refer to it as "Mr. Perry".
28. Absolutely no fake gold may be worn within 10 feet of the Fridge during Flossin Season.
29. All ice cream, cake, potato chips and other snacks have already had the calories removed, please do not imply otherwise.
30. All leftovers will be considered community property after a period of 48 hours. Complaints about missing leftovers must be filed with the garbage can.
These rules have been brought to you by Rudy E. and amended by Liz H. of the Sterling Woods Anti-Unamerican Activities Leage. Don't perpetrate like you don't know, or I may have to Rise Up and Represent!
Funeral procession
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'
'My wife's.
''What happened to her?'
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'
He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?'
The man replied, 'Get in line.'
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'
'My wife's.
''What happened to her?'
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'
He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?'
The man replied, 'Get in line.'
- Moderator
- #453
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
Chemist walks back into his shop after a short break and sees a man leaning against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant
"He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives" replied the assistant.
"You idiot" exclaims the chemist, "you can't treat a cough with laxatives"
"Of course you can" replies the assistant, "look at him, he's too f*cken scared to cough"
"What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant
"He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives" replied the assistant.
"You idiot" exclaims the chemist, "you can't treat a cough with laxatives"
"Of course you can" replies the assistant, "look at him, he's too f*cken scared to cough"
The Polite way to Pee
The Polite way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
The teacher fainted..
The Polite way to Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
The teacher fainted..
amethist
VIP Member
Nicolette that was laugh out loud funny.
But Mayhem, where do you get them from. I have to go to the bathroom before I read your's, just in case:rofl:.
Amethist
But Mayhem, where do you get them from. I have to go to the bathroom before I read your's, just in case:rofl:.
Amethist
hapa_gurl87
Bronze Member
lol This is just what i was waiting for to laugh a little about my condition.
well here goes my joke!
Getting a Vietnamese Haircut
One day I was hanging out with my good friend who happens to be half Vietnamese we were coming up with all kinds of Asian Jokes about our cultures. He came up with the best one .
He told me to never have a Vietnamese person cut my hair
I asked him, "Why is that?"
He told me "your hair will end up all messed up and uneven!"
I asked, "is it because they hate Americans?"
"No" he replied, "It's because they have PTSD!!!"
He explained to me that every time a Vietnamese person gets triggered because of the Vietnam war, they have flashbacks which will set them back and they're hands will get all shaky that they will probably forget where they are, who you are and what they're doing with the scissors.
We both figured any Asian or other race for that matter would screw up on your hair if they're constantly being triggered and having flashbacks of a war they lived through.
I thought the funniest joke of all was the one about how Asians are the worst "shit talkers". They will talk shit about you a mile away even when they haven't seen you or know you and they'll do it right smack in your face when your totally oblivious to their criticism and judgement.
One time I went into this Vietnamese nail salon to get a French manicure just to see if my friends belief that Vietnamese are some of the worst "shit talkers" (amongst other asian cultures) was true or not. My friend was willing to translate the language for me since he spoke it as a second language. The very first thing that happened when I walked into the salon is some Asian women sits me down at a table to start working on my nails. A couple minutes later the women yells something in Vietnamese to some guy across the room. My friend translated what the women said, which was a total surprise for me. The women's Vietnamese spoken in English translated to "I can't work with this bitch!" The next thing that happens is the woman gets up and leaves me there hanging and then has someone else work on my nails. lol Now I know Vietnamese people will talk shit. And Something I realized about talking a lot of shit is that it has greatly help me lighten the load of stress my ptsd gives me. I don't recommend this for all people to try unless you can get away with it without hurting some ones feelings.
well here goes my joke!
Getting a Vietnamese Haircut
One day I was hanging out with my good friend who happens to be half Vietnamese we were coming up with all kinds of Asian Jokes about our cultures. He came up with the best one .
He told me to never have a Vietnamese person cut my hair
I asked him, "Why is that?"
He told me "your hair will end up all messed up and uneven!"
I asked, "is it because they hate Americans?"
"No" he replied, "It's because they have PTSD!!!"
He explained to me that every time a Vietnamese person gets triggered because of the Vietnam war, they have flashbacks which will set them back and they're hands will get all shaky that they will probably forget where they are, who you are and what they're doing with the scissors.
We both figured any Asian or other race for that matter would screw up on your hair if they're constantly being triggered and having flashbacks of a war they lived through.
I thought the funniest joke of all was the one about how Asians are the worst "shit talkers". They will talk shit about you a mile away even when they haven't seen you or know you and they'll do it right smack in your face when your totally oblivious to their criticism and judgement.
One time I went into this Vietnamese nail salon to get a French manicure just to see if my friends belief that Vietnamese are some of the worst "shit talkers" (amongst other asian cultures) was true or not. My friend was willing to translate the language for me since he spoke it as a second language. The very first thing that happened when I walked into the salon is some Asian women sits me down at a table to start working on my nails. A couple minutes later the women yells something in Vietnamese to some guy across the room. My friend translated what the women said, which was a total surprise for me. The women's Vietnamese spoken in English translated to "I can't work with this bitch!" The next thing that happens is the woman gets up and leaves me there hanging and then has someone else work on my nails. lol Now I know Vietnamese people will talk shit. And Something I realized about talking a lot of shit is that it has greatly help me lighten the load of stress my ptsd gives me. I don't recommend this for all people to try unless you can get away with it without hurting some ones feelings.
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
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