goingonhope
VIP Member
Too funny, Jimmy! My husband and I both just had a good laugh. :rofl::rofl: Thx.
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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd
- Post starter anthony
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D
Deleted member 5760
The Seven Stages of PTSD - The Soundtrack (Various Artists)
1) Strange Behaviour - Silverchair
2) Rehab - Amy Winehouse
3) S.O.S - The Police
4) Doctor Doctor - The Who
5) Memory - Barbra Streisand
6) It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion
7) We Are The Champions - Queen
1) Strange Behaviour - Silverchair
2) Rehab - Amy Winehouse
3) S.O.S - The Police
4) Doctor Doctor - The Who
5) Memory - Barbra Streisand
6) It's All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion
7) We Are The Champions - Queen
amethist
VIP Member
This is one of my husbands crappy jokes off the radio, so my apologies before you read it.
A guy goes into the A&E department. He told the doctor he thought his arm was broken in several places.
The doctor told him not to go to those places again if this is what happened.
A guy goes into the A&E department. He told the doctor he thought his arm was broken in several places.
The doctor told him not to go to those places again if this is what happened.
D
Deleted member 5760
How do you confuse an overthinker?
Shove them in a barrel and tell them to sit in the corner...
Shove them in a barrel and tell them to sit in the corner...
When Girls Don't Put Out
This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.
Girls -- Please have a sense of humour!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.
Jimmy
This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart.
Girls -- Please have a sense of humour!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.
Jimmy
amethist
VIP Member
MMM the joke about "When God Made Man" joke comes to mind here. :rofl:
amethist
VIP Member
As the saying goes Iam
" When God Made Man, SHE Was Only Joking" :rofl:
" When God Made Man, SHE Was Only Joking" :rofl:
amethist
VIP Member
SON. "Dad, what do you do when a bird craps on your windscreen"
DAD "Don't ask her out again son"
As printed on my husbands birthday card form his mum. :rofl:
DAD "Don't ask her out again son"
As printed on my husbands birthday card form his mum. :rofl:
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
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