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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd
- Post starter anthony
- Start date
- Status
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.
FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE
>
> 1. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris... are in Seine.
>
> 2. A backward poet writes... inverse.
>
> 3. A man's home is his castle..., in a manor of speaking.
>
> 4. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
>
> 5. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
>
> 6. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
>
> 7. A man needs a mistress... just to break the monogamy.
>
> 8. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>
> 9. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
>
> 10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
>
> 11. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
>
> 12. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
>
> 13. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
>
> 14. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
>
> 15. The definition of a will?... (It's a dead giveaway.)
>
> 16. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>
> 17. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your Count votes.
>
> 18. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
>
> 19. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>
> 20. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
>
> 21. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>
> 22. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
>
> 23. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
>
> 24. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> 25. Local Area Network in Australia:... the LAN down under.
>
> 26. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
> 27. Every calendar's days are numbered.
>
> 28. A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
>
> 29. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>
> 30. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
>
> 31. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>
> 32. A midget fortune teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
>large.
>
> 33. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
>
> 34. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
>
> 35. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
>
> 36. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
>
> 37. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
>
> 1. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris... are in Seine.
>
> 2. A backward poet writes... inverse.
>
> 3. A man's home is his castle..., in a manor of speaking.
>
> 4. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
>
> 5. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
>
> 6. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
>
> 7. A man needs a mistress... just to break the monogamy.
>
> 8. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>
> 9. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
>
> 10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
>
> 11. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
>
> 12. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
>
> 13. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
>
> 14. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
>
> 15. The definition of a will?... (It's a dead giveaway.)
>
> 16. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>
> 17. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your Count votes.
>
> 18. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
>
> 19. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>
> 20. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
>
> 21. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>
> 22. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
>
> 23. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
>
> 24. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> 25. Local Area Network in Australia:... the LAN down under.
>
> 26. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
> 27. Every calendar's days are numbered.
>
> 28. A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
>
> 29. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>
> 30. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
>
> 31. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>
> 32. A midget fortune teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
>large.
>
> 33. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
>
> 34. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
>
> 35. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
>
> 36. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
>
> 37. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
- Moderator
- #160
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
Signs for a laugh:
sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck :
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************
On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company :
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window :
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station ,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck :
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************
On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company :
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window :
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home :
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station ,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
D
Deleted member 541
To: God From: The Dog
TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3 The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Ma's underwear when she's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3 The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Ma's underwear when she's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
D
Deleted member 541
Hodge,
Thanks..... One of my side jobs... I take care of other people's animals when they are away. ALL of the dogs are crotch dogs!!!!!! But I do love them.
Glad that you enjoyed the joke.
Wendy
Thanks..... One of my side jobs... I take care of other people's animals when they are away. ALL of the dogs are crotch dogs!!!!!! But I do love them.
Glad that you enjoyed the joke.
Wendy
Florida jokes
Things I have learned living in Florida----
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Florida
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Florida....plus a couple no one's ever seen before.
4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
5. Onced and twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. Fixinto is one word.
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
13. 'Jeet?' is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
16. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA IF:
1. You measure distance in hours not miles.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store".
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your pickup...for your OWN pickup.
8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" .
14. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
15. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop It's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
16. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
17. We don't need no stinking driver's ed....if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
Things I have learned living in Florida----
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Florida
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Florida....plus a couple no one's ever seen before.
4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
5. Onced and twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. Fixinto is one word.
10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
13. 'Jeet?' is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
16. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA IF:
1. You measure distance in hours not miles.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store".
4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
6. You know what a "DAWG" is.
7. You carry jumper cables in your pickup...for your OWN pickup.
8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".
12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
13. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" .
14. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
15. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop It's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
16. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
17. We don't need no stinking driver's ed....if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
- Post starter
- Admin
- #167
anthony
Founder
Ok, that was weird. Not much of a star trek fan, never have, never will, but lovvvvveeeeeeee the frog. Huge fan of the crazy frog.
Well Anthony you are in good company, as Jim and I also found the clip quite peculiar. However, Jacob and Evie both find it hysterical, they have watched it at least a dozen times and laugh uncontrollably with each viewing. No accounting for taste I guess. :dont-know
Evie is also a big fan of the Crazy Frog, she in fact has a stuffed Crazy Frog which sits on her bed.
Evie is also a big fan of the Crazy Frog, she in fact has a stuffed Crazy Frog which sits on her bed.
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