List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[Marlene]

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their ass is too fat............

10% of women think their ass is too skinny......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

 

[batgirl]

Divert Your Course

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No I say again, YOU divert YOUR course!

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this vessel.

Canadians: This is the Trinity Bay Lighthouse. Your call.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Please oh please tell me this is a joke!

 

[Kathy]

I believe it is a joke Veiled, however I am not absolutely certain, as many strange things do occur off our shores! I will need to ask Jim to be certain, he is up on these matters. :wink:

 

[becvan]

Hehe I don't care if it's true or not.. it's funnier than shit!

bec

 

[hodge]

LMAO!!! I trust they didn't hit the lighthouse...

 

[Deleted member 93]

Bec, you would... ----> mumbles under breath dang Canadians hee hee... LOL

 

[Deleted member 541]

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his
wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.
Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let
such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his
drawer. "What the ?!@? is this??" he said to himself as a
little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum
powder in my underwear?"

She replied with a snicker... "It's not talcum
powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'."

 

[rt1967]

Two monkeys in the bath .One says ooh ooh ooh ,the other monkey says if its too hot add some cold water.

 

[Marlene]

Maxine...gotta love her!

 

[Deleted member 93]

I tried to fix this image to show as I downloaded and tried to upload in editing it but I am getting error messages. I am going to have to leave this for another editor to fix. But it was funny as hell; all these old lady cartoons are way too accurate. I will let the editors know to come fix what I apparently cannot right now.

 

[Marlene]

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red,orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."