List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[AdamAnt]

 

[goingonhope]

I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 differet medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98 and I've lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

 

[blwnawy]

Hi everyone!

Our neighbor has a puppy he's giving away (FREE). It's a Dachshund, it's house broken, and it's great with kids.

He's giving it away because his wife says the dog 'stares' at her when she is undressing, and that gives her the heebie jeebies. I think she is just weird!

If you're interested, or know someone who is, let me know. Here's a picture of him.

 

[goingonhope]

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bet, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour but, ...by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

 

[goingonhope]

Doctor told me I should start an exercise program.
Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following:
• Beat around the bush
• Jump to conclusions
• Climb the walls
• Wade through the morning paper.
• Drag my heels
• Push my luck
• Make mountains out of mole hills
• Hit the nail on the head.
• Bend over backwards
• Jump on the band wagon
• Run around in circles.
• Toot my own horn
• Pull out all the stops
• Add fuel to the fire
• Open a can of worms
• Put my foot in my mouth
• Start the ball rolling
• Go over the edge.
• Pick up the pieces.
• Kneel in prayer
• Bow my head in thanksgiving
• Uplift my hands in praise
• Hug someone and encourage them.
........WHAT A WORKOUT!........
Rest At Last.

 

[goingonhope]

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have her baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs and I was
in the wrong one.

 

[goingonhope]

A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
"Can you get it over the counter?" she asked.
"I can if I take two," he answered.

 

[intothelight]

OK, I have a confession. I saw the dogs with the Billy Bob teeth, and I couldn't resist. My Newfie didn't think it was as funny as I did.:oops:

 

[Iam]

OK, I have a confession. I saw the dogs with the Billy Bob teeth, and I couldn't resist. My Newfie didn't think it was as funny as I did.:oops:

I want to learn to merge two photos like that! KAREEPY!

 

[shadowchaser]

I want to learn to merge two photos like that! KAREEPY!

Photo shop.

 

[popeye]

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money..
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

 

[popeye]

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus..
4) You look like Santa Claus.