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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd
- Post starter anthony
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Deleted member 12723
These are all so funny, keep them coming. LOL:p
cherryblossom
VIP Member
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Life is hard as it is and humor and jokes are very healing. This joke is about being MPD/DID so if you are offended by jokes about this topic please don't read this. This is not intended to make fun of being MPD/DID. But instead meant to bring up a little bit of humor and laughter about the things we go through.
Form MPD/DID-Certain deductions are available for those who qualify as multiple personalities in the current tax year. Deductions will reduce your taxable income or increase your refund even if it exceeds your income. To qualify, you must pass the following screening test.
1. Mono-personalities with mood swings do not qualify, even if you have been accused of multiplicity.
2. PMS, mid-life crisis, and Monday morning syndrome do not qualify.
3. You qualify if you agree that you are multiple, even if some of you do not admit it, or if some of you agree but others do not but would admit it if they did, or all of you agree to disagree. If you understand this statement, you automatically qualify and may proceed.
EXEMPTIONS
____Claim the number of dependents in your system here.
____Stand back and let the independents claim themselves here.
____Total: Add this number to the total exemption in form 1040.
DEDUCTIONS
____Enter all the costs of therapy sessions, including transportation, band aids, multiple personality wardrobes, cost of therapy and value of your time in training your therapist.
____Check here if you would like these expenses reimburse to your income taken from your perpetrator(s).
____Check here if you think the perpetrator(s) should be audited by the IRS. If it turns out they owe additional funds to the IRS, where should we send you the check?
____Add five cents deduction for every time you have heard or read that multiple personality was presumed to be a disorder.
____TOTAL: Subtract this amount from the income portion of your form 1040.
New Tax Form MPD/DID-1040
Form MPD/DID-Certain deductions are available for those who qualify as multiple personalities in the current tax year. Deductions will reduce your taxable income or increase your refund even if it exceeds your income. To qualify, you must pass the following screening test.
1. Mono-personalities with mood swings do not qualify, even if you have been accused of multiplicity.
2. PMS, mid-life crisis, and Monday morning syndrome do not qualify.
3. You qualify if you agree that you are multiple, even if some of you do not admit it, or if some of you agree but others do not but would admit it if they did, or all of you agree to disagree. If you understand this statement, you automatically qualify and may proceed.
EXEMPTIONS
____Claim the number of dependents in your system here.
____Stand back and let the independents claim themselves here.
____Total: Add this number to the total exemption in form 1040.
DEDUCTIONS
____Enter all the costs of therapy sessions, including transportation, band aids, multiple personality wardrobes, cost of therapy and value of your time in training your therapist.
____Check here if you would like these expenses reimburse to your income taken from your perpetrator(s).
____Check here if you think the perpetrator(s) should be audited by the IRS. If it turns out they owe additional funds to the IRS, where should we send you the check?
____Add five cents deduction for every time you have heard or read that multiple personality was presumed to be a disorder.
____TOTAL: Subtract this amount from the income portion of your form 1040.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MULTIPLE WHEN.....
*You go to the movies and qualify for the child, student, and senior discount rates.
*There is a dozen messages on your answering machine and none are for you.
*You have to save up all year for your therapists birthday presents.
*Your dog responds to a dozen different names.
*All your co-workers have to find you to work their child-proof lighter's.
*You ask for extra name tags at a convention.
*You have 6 toothbrushes in your bathroom and you live alone.
* You ask for a balloon in restaurants.
amethist
VIP Member
Sorry if you think this is in bad taste due to the current food scandal in the UK but I thought it was funny.
A man went to the doctors suffering with bad stomach issues and was told he needed to watch his food better.
So he went out and bought grandstand tickets for the Grand National.
A man went to the doctors suffering with bad stomach issues and was told he needed to watch his food better.
So he went out and bought grandstand tickets for the Grand National.
Sounds like a very good idea.
Yes WS police option gets my vote. You could text also"this is officer duns from %^* police department. The number you are calling and texting has recently been reasigned to someone who is NOT the person you are intending to harass. Be informed that you are in violation of FCC regulations and if your calls and texts to this number continue, it will result in prosecution for stalking, telephone harassment, and FCC violations."
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
@Ruckster~. Great idea but we have our share of gray police. It would be my luck I'd be busted for impersonating an officer! :eek:
I might quote the regs back to him though. Think I will actually make a text of that and store it. Thanks for the idea! Whitney
I might quote the regs back to him though. Think I will actually make a text of that and store it. Thanks for the idea! Whitney
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