General Little sympathy towards women

[LuckiLee]

I understand your frustration. Are you sure you want to go into business with him? He quite possibly will never change.

You might want to learn about and enforcing boundaries. You don't have to stay and listen to him rant.

 

[Friday]

I don’t know very many combat vets who are big on sympathy, full stop. I’m trying hard to think of even one, because I feel like there has to be at least one... but if there is? They didn’t impress, much. And I’ve known thousands.

You’re just not going to get “Oh you poor thing,” outta most vets. Unless they’re mocking you.

You’re either going to get some version of a “Hell, yes! THAT’s what I’m talking about!” if you handle yourself well... or a breakdown on where you f*cked up, so you can do better next time. Or both. More commonly, both.

Teaching someone they’re helpless by praising and encouraging weakness & stupidity? Isn’t just sick, disgusting, and wrong... it’s cruel. Something you do to an enemy, not a friend.

If you've experienced this, what do you do in these situations? He makes me annoyed that I'm female sometimes because he gets into my head. Like I'm unfortunate to have a vagina. ggggggrgrrrrrrrrrrrrr

It’s not about having a vagina, it’s about not having a brain.

Spoiler: More on that.

The average 6yo can take care of themselves better in adverse circumstance, than the average fully grown adult woman. It’s why I’m not friends with very many women. They’ve been taught to be stupid, helpless, selfish, flailing creatures; with no spine, conviction, determination, discipline, or sense of humor. Collapsing into puddles of flapping hands, sniveling, and blaming everyone else around them. Poor me! I’m so helpless and incompetent! Worship me! Pet me! Shower me with accolades of how unfair it all is! :sick: It’s gross.

The ones I AM friends with? Are smart, and can handle themselves. Totally badass, amazing, women. :D We’re not talking a tribe of Amazons headed up by Lara Croft & Catwoman, either. Several are in the worst physical condition imaginable (age, illness, & injury are sons of bitches, but they come for us all). My 95yo grandmother was more capable of handling herself than most healthy, young, strong 20 somethings. Amazing woman! I often wish I’d known her during the jazz age. A force to be reckoned with at 95, you know was a spitfire at 25! :D A few others, meanwhile just aren’t quite bright, but they’re still smart enough to handle themselves when things go badly, and to learn from what went wrong, bouncing back... instead of collapsing under a stiff breeze, whining about how unfair it all is (were you hit in the head, Princess? The world ain’t fair. Never has been.), or the ‘Mistakes were made, others were blamed’ bullshit so prized by so many with no moral character whatsoever.

Women? As a species? Are perfectly fine. It’s the stupid, selfish, weak, whiners who can f*ck right off.

 

[Gymfanatic]

This is also a problem, if I choose to cut off the phone or I'm quiet and don't retaliate and let him have his say and then say bye ... it makes the situation worse. He gets so angry if I put the phone down and if I don't retaliate its a 'you don't like hearing the truth' blah blah blah. Sometimes he's aware of it and will later apologise, sometimes he doesn't.

He's great with the business, so driven and excited, just not without it's challenges. I'm too far in to get out currently, we'll see. He thinks that if the business grows he will be happier .....

@Friday ...true and don't get me wrong sometimes I religiously watch David Goggins to kick me up the arse. But just sometimes I'm tired and well .... if I cry about anything whether it's heartbreak or about my Dad leaving, then I'm a nightmare because I'm a woman. But if he cries, what does he get from me, nothing but care and attention. Ah well.

Guess it's about managing my expectations as to what reaction I'll get to certain situations.

 

[Never_falter2]

@Friday: Aren’t you a woman?

My vet is actually quite nice with women... most of them time... actually a bit patronizing but I think that this is not because it is a Vet but because he comes from that kind of old-fashioned family where he told him that it is the main job of a man to be chivalrous - which has lead to the fact hat it is very easy for a woman to take advantage of him (not that I am doing this but others do).

My vet would also hates to live in an apartment. He wanted us to live in a house. (Sorry, guess I am writing to much and people cannot even read it).

 

[Rani G2]

It’s not about having a vagina, it’s about not having a brain.

Amen, @Friday

 

[Sweetpea76]

My combat veteran is the same. It's not only towards women but civilians.

Yep... same here. God help anybody who talks about females in combat around him.

It’s not about having a vagina, it’s about not having a brain.

Yep ^^^ all of this.

I don’t know very many combat vets who are big on sympathy,

This is a big one too. My vet will at least try because he loves me, but man, he is not good with tears or even listening to a bitchy vent. God help if I get sick! I get it... nobody gave him a tissue out on patrol if he was feeling emotional.

This is also a problem, if I choose to cut off the phone or I'm quiet and don't retaliate and let him have his say and then say bye ... it makes the situation worse. He gets so angry if I put the phone down and if I don't retaliate its a 'you don't like hearing the truth' blah blah blah.

That’s where boundaries come in. You get get decide what you’ll listen to. “I will not tolerate being ranted and raved at. I am hanging up. I will talk to you when you calm down”. That is a boundary. You’re not controlling anybody’s behavior but your own. He can rant all he wants, that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it. He can respect your boundary or not, but he’ll get hung up on if he doesn’t. He’ll eventually learn that if he wants to talk to you he needs to chill out.

He thinks that if the business grows he will be happier .....

Beware the “if only X (insert major life change) happens, I’ll be happy” shit too. That’s a popular delusion that people use to put off actually dealing with their PTSD.

 

[LuckiLee]

J has his dream job and getting paid well for it yet he still slept the weekend away. PTSD is still here even if life is going according to plan.

 

[Gymfanatic]

@Sweetpea76 Oh don't you worry, when I was sick it was all my fault because I don't have cold showers. Been there!

Thankful for this to help my perspective change on certain aspects. I was so far in my own pissed off state that I failed to see the blaring obvious signs that anything to do with compromised security would be a trigger.

As for the business .... I already know this and have tried to say that having extra money and quitting his day to day job doesn't equate to happiness. He said he thinks if he had more freedom he would be happier, we shall see. I deep down know that he needs routine but he can't be told so we have to let this one play out!

Thanks so much guys :)

 

[Never_falter2]

Guess my vet is really a bit different because he sees women and actually a lot of civilians as sheeple so that he doesn’t expect them to be anything but helpless... and that’s actually bad for him cause he is always busy saving everybody and feeling responsible for them.

Maybe it would actually be better for his mental health if he was more like the your guys.

 

[Gymfanatic]

Guess my vet is really a bit different because he sees women and actually a lot of civilians as sheeple so that he doesn’t expect them to be anything but helpless... and that’s actually bad for him cause he is always busy saving everybody and feeling responsible for them.

Maybe it would actually be better for his mental health if he was more like the your guys.

I guess they can't win either way :(

 

[Sweetpea76]

Never Falter, I don’t think it’s that they don’t feel protective of women. My vet is very protective as well. I think he would defend any random woman on the street and I know he doesn’t let anybody mess with me... but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think they’re stupid for putting themselves (or myself) into a bad situation by being a dummy and having no special awareness. Or that they’re self sabotaging by overreacting with emotions instead of handling the situation. In other words... I should KNOW I’m smaller and weaker physically than men, and that means I should be aware of my surroundings and not put myself in danger. Or that melting down is useless emotion, and adults should handle their business, even women.

So if he hears about women getting taken advantage of in any way, he’ll get angry either because he thinks we’re helpless without him there or that somebody (usually me or one of the kids) was “victimized” by an asshole.

In other words he’ll protect, but he’ll let you know you’re a dummy for needing protected.

 

[Gymfanatic]

Guess my vet is really a bit different because he sees women and actually a lot of civilians as sheeple so that he doesn’t expect them to be anything but helpless... and that’s actually bad for him cause he is always busy saving everybody and feeling responsible for them.

Maybe it would actually be better for his mental health if he was more like the your guys.

Sorry Never Faulter, some of your messages weren't showing before - strange. He's just a friend, we used to be intimate but now we're just friends.