General Little sympathy towards women

[Gymfanatic]

I don't know if this has been covered off on another thread so please point me in the direction if so .... has anyone experienced their Veteran PTSD sufferer to have issues with gender?
My friend seems to have a very negative view on women, often calling women 'weak'. It really frustrates me, I was explaining my shock at a friend getting assaulted on the train, a man grabbed her face and forced himself on her, she had her headphones in and was texting so didn't see him coming. When I explained the situation to my friend and expressed my upset and sympathy as she had bruises and scratches on her face he went off on a rant. Women don't go to wrestling or BBJ or any self defence classes., it's entirely their own fault. Absolutely no sympathy with her, she shouldn't have had her headphones in blah blah blah.
Ok I get certain factors could have helped but Jesus .... it really shook me and now I've turned my phone off because I'm not sure if I can handle it. I'm female and he's male just as an FYI.
If I cry he often tells me I'm weak or need to get a grip, he moans about women a lot and especially women who go back to men who cheat or women who cry when heartbroken. It's so frustrating.
If you've experienced this, what do you do in these situations? He makes me annoyed that I'm female sometimes because he gets into my head. Like I'm unfortunate to have a vagina. ggggggrgrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[ladee]

This is not intended to be harsh, but how about getting a new friend? It's not your job to figure out why he feels this way and you don't have subject yourself to this to the point of being upset because you have a vagina.

 

[SLC]

@ladee very valid point. This friend is also a business partner and someone I care deeply for, outside of his issues with women. Was just wondering if anyone had experienced this before, guess it’s a stupid point and question.

 

[Never_falter2]

No, my vet is not mysogynistic. More like a white knight. He thinks that women are weaker then men but he doesn’t hate them for this but is protective of them. Which is annoying too but not as annoying as what you describe.

What your guy like apart from that?

 

[Gymfanatic]

This is not intended to be harsh, but how about getting a new friend? It's not your job to figure out why he feels this way and you don't have subject yourself to this to the point of being upset because you have a vagina.

I guess you're right. The only issue is despite this I care deeply for my friend and we're business partners. Just wondered if anyone else had been witness to a vet with negative views on women, but you're right this is a stupid post.

 

[Never_falter2]

Is he your boyfriend or just a friend?

 

[LuckiLee]

My combat veteran is the same. It's not only towards women but civilians.

It's hard to explain though...
If anyone made the slightest error while in combat it was literally a life or death mistake. People could be injured or killed in a split second.

My guy is always in protection mode. Searching for danger all the time. Teaches me different self defense/safety techniques frequently.

I think your friend cares and that was his way of caring. (Although a little harshly) He wants women to be safe and your friend is extremely lucky it didn't end worse than it did. (People are abducted and killed every day where we live) She was an easy target.

The world is a dangerous place and if J heard one of my friends was a victim that would definitely overflow his stress cup and cause his symptoms to increase. And he'd probably word vomit alot of your friend's same thoughts.

Like I said, it's hard to explain but I can understand it. Hope this helps and I didn't confuse. you more.

 

[Gymfanatic]

He's very open about his hyper-vigilance and his inability to feel safe so I guess that all makes sense. I can cope with that, but his overall distaste towards women in particular is upsetting, when I say 'you hate women' he says he doesn't but not very convincingly, does make me question why he's even friends with me and wants to go into business.

The lack of sympathy towards anyone who's had a hard time is a shocker. I think the story probably did overfill his stress cup which has now resulted in him wanting to be left alone. Me included, so this situation is suiting up both well at the moment.

Thanks for your insight @LuckiLee .... has calmed me and made me view things from a different perspective :)

 

[ladee]

I like @LuckiLee's perspective better. I was answering from a PTSD'er point of view. Thank you LL!!

And it wasn't a stupid post @Gymfanatic! We have been told to not answer supporter questions. sorry.

 

[Gymfanatic]

@ladee not at all, as when you said that I was thinking 'what a jerk'. There are no hard lines as to what could be a trigger and what's just general arseholeness I guess.

I think his issue with women is from several factors, past relationships, his mum and just being the less physically strong sex maybe. Doesn't give him the right to diss the entire female population mind! Was just looking to see of anyone else had similar experiences :)

 

[LuckiLee]

I'm not sure it's all lack of sympathy. Sounds a little like anger to me. Not at you or her but at "weakness".

As I said mistakes caused trauma. A weak link is DANGEROUS. They can get everybody killed.

How long has he been out of the service and is he in therapy?

 

[Gymfanatic]

He's been out of service for about 10 years now, no longer in therapy. Has had therapy for many years but said he wasn't happy talking about what they wanted him to talk about (combat) so I guess he won't get any better if he doesn't address it.

I'm not his therapist nor can I begin to understand but he is learning of certain factors that contribute towards his triggers. Such as he can't live in a house, has to live in an apartment several floors up for safety reasons, one entrance and exit only. He's open to telling me when he's having one of those moments or days ... just usually after he's bitten my head off. He is also in touch with crying and will tell me when he's feeling 'tired' of being on edge.

Just a big swinging pendulum, one minute he's hilarious and enthusiastic the next he's aggravated and angry. I can't have an opinion in these moment, nothing I say or do will be right. I love him dearly but by God sometimes its exhausting and sometimes it's hard to take a deep breath and realise it's ptsd. I'm just a 'friend' but sometimes I feel like his punching bag.